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One important aspect of self-awareness is being able to recognize and manage your mood. The benefits of positive emotions in the workplace are well known - feeling happy and enthusiastic about our work has been shown to improve motivation, engagement and productivity. [1] However, there can be times when negative emotions come into play, and if you are a manager or leader, your moods and emotions can encourage or inhibit performance in those around you. [2]
Everyone has times when they feel emotional at work, but it is how you manage them that really sets you apart. Here we look at three common negative emotions you might experience at work and offer tips to help you deal effectively with each one.
1. If You Feel Angry or Frustrated…
Anger and frustration at work are often caused by some very real and seemingly inescapable problems. For example, it can be directed at a specific person (e.g. colleagues, superiors, clients or customers), at an event (e.g. a missed deadline or challenging project), or even at an object (e.g. a piece of malfunctioning equipment). There are many techniques that you can use to control anger, without having to resort to anger management or counseling sessions.
Three Ways to Control Anger
- Communicate more effectively. When we’re angry, we tend to jump to, and act on, conclusions that are often inaccurate. It is much better, when in a heated discussion, to slow down and think carefully about what you want to say, and listen to what is being said to you. It's natural for people to get defensive when they feel like they are being criticized. However, these messages are often constructive, so taking time to consider and respond to them can result in a more positive outcome.
- Change your environment. Our surroundings can often give rise to irritation and anger at work. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on our minds and make us feel angry at the situation and place we find ourselves in. Something as simple as a change of scenery can make a big difference. Try taking a quick walk round the block. Or if you know your office is busy and noisy at certain times and that this will get on your nerves, see if you can arrange to work from home or in a quieter space.
- Set clear boundaries. If you know there is a particular time of the day when you often get irritated, setting boundaries can help to lessen the impact. An example of this is someone who isn’t at their best in the morning so makes everyone aware that the first 15 minutes of the day aren’t the best time to approach them with a particularly complex problem. After their brief quiet time, they feel better prepared to handle the demands of the day.
2. If You Feel Worried or Nervous…
Whether you need to give a presentation to colleagues or clients, attend an important meeting or have a difficult conversation with someone, nerves can have a debilitating impact on us. However, there are things you can do to stop nerves overpowering you, and instead channel them in a more positive way.
Three tips to combat nerves [4]
- Have a 'game day' strategy. If you know you are going to be in a situation where nerves will play a part, planning your performance can go a long way towards calming your nerves. In the same way that athletes have set routines and processes they follow before a big event, look at your own performance and be deliberate in your choices. Look back at previous events where you performed well to get some inspiration. For example, you may find it helpful to stay away from other nervous people beforehand, practice some deep-breathing exercises and read through some pre-prepared notes before you start.
- Pick your trigger. When nerves start to overcome you, it can be really helpful to have a ‘go to’ picture, thought, quote or song in your mind that helps you stay focused and gets you back into a positive frame of mind. You might want to use a picture of your family or choose a song or motivational quote that really resonates with you.
- Practice in performance conditions. Doing a ‘test run’ of your presentation, conversation or pitch is a good way of ironing out nerves and niggles and ensure that you are at your best when the time comes. Practice what you want to say (with an audience if you can), and make sure you know how all the relevant technology works, if appropriate.
3. If You Feel Disappointed…
We have all had times when we’ve felt really disappointed at work. Perhaps you’ve recently missed out on a promotion opportunity, or received some negative feedback about a project you felt you worked hard on. When we feel disappointment, this can affect our motivation and energy levels, and ultimately hold us back from doing our best work.
Three Ways to Tackle Disappointment
- Change your mindset. It is important to understand that things will not always go the way you want them to. Allowing yourself to get bogged down by negative thoughts in relation to a failure or disappointment can stop you from performing well in the future. Try to view disappointments as part of your career journey, aim to learn what you can from the experience and move on to the next challenge.
- Adjust your goal. If you feel disappointed that you didn’t reach a goal or meet a challenge, take a step back and re-assess your position. Rather than giving up altogether, think about what you can do to make things more achievable. For example, can you reach your goal a different way, get some additional support or extend the deadline you initially set?
- Stay positive. Although it might feel like the last thing you want to do, trying to stay upbeat after a setback can really help you move on. Although it can be helpful to talk through what went wrong with a trusted colleague or friend to get some sense of perspective, try not to dwell on things for too long.
References[1] Alan Carr, Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths (Brunner-Routledge, 2004).
[2] Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, Annie McKee, ‘Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance’, Harvard Business Review (December 2001), pp 42–51. All further quotations in this article are taken from this text. See also: Goleman, McKee & Boyatzis: Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Harvard Business School Press, 2002).
[3] Charles D Spielberger and Irwin Sarason, Stress and Emotion Vol. 17: Anxiety, Anger and Curiosity (Routledge Farmer, 2005), p 31.
