February 14, 2017
Is Feedback Just Thinly Disguised Criticism?
Yolande Conradie
©Mind Tools
Please join us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: Friday, Feb 17 @ 1pm EST (6pm GMT)
Topic: Is It Criticism or Feedback?
Host: @Mind_Tools
"Long after your words are forgotten, people still remember how you made them feel." – Maya Angelou
The other morning my husband and I overslept and woke up with a fright. I was lecturing and he was out of town for the day, so neither one of us could afford to arrive at our destinations late. We hurried out the house and left it in a bit of a mess – something I hate doing.
I was first to arrive home. When I opened the front door I was confronted with the untidiness. As I walked down the passage to my study and then to my bedroom, I couldn't help noticing everything that was out of place. Before long, I was thoroughly irritated with my less-than-perfect house, and with my still absent husband, too. I'd started seeing everything that he was normally responsible for that he hadn't taken care of.
In my head, I started talking to him in a very critical voice, telling him about everything he hadn't done that he should have done. The longer the "conversation" continued, the more wrongs I identified. At the same time I was telling myself that it wasn't about us being late that morning, but that he simply didn't care about the state of the house. I was now in full-blown Critical Angry Wife mode and ready to spew a stream of criticism when he got home.
I love cooking and, as I prepared dinner, I gradually calmed down. Loving Kind Wife appeared in my head and started reasoning with Critical Angry Wife. Have I not learned from past experience that spewing criticism only makes us argue? Yes, I have. And don't I know that simply giving him feedback nicely about the effect of a bigger workload on me makes him jump to action? Yes, I do. So why would I want to go about it in a way that will only make him defensive and uncooperative? I don't know. Perhaps it would satisfy me just for a moment... but then the damage would be done.
Fortunately I came to my senses before he arrived home. Suffice to say, feedback was given and action was taken. And to think I almost ruined a perfectly good evening with my tongue!
In our recent Twitter poll we asked people if they received feedback or criticism when learning a new skill at work. While 42 percent of people said they received feedback, 39 percent felt that what they received was disguised criticism.
In our #MTtalk Twitter chat this week we're asking, "Is It Criticism or Feedback?" We'd like to hear how you differentiate between the two and what your thoughts are on giving and receiving feedback. The following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for the chat:
To help you prepare for the chat, we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse.
Understanding Communication Skills
At Mind Tools, we like hearing from people all over the globe. So we invite you to share your thoughts and experiences around feedback and criticism in the #MTtalk chat this Friday at 1pm EST (6pm GMT). Remember, we feature great participant responses right here on our blog every week!
Follow us on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the action this Friday! We’ll be tweeting out questions during our hour-long chat. To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on “All Tweets” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
Smelly egg sandwiches, fish in the micro. Just what is the right etiquette for food at work? Join us for our #MTtalk chat to find out.
Lifelong learning is not rocket science. It doesn't need to be perfect and polished. There are, however, two decisive factors that we need to consider when it comes to the success of lifelong learning.
"The act of being your own coach begins with positive self-talk! The day you start learning from your mistakes, you will become your own coach!" - @SaifuRizvi
