Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected

This book gives "the introverts, the overwhelmed and the underconnected" a third option. The tips we learn here allow us to use our natural style to network effectively. We learn how to leverage our strengths in networking, instead of trying to be something we're not.

The author points out that just because you're introverted doesn't mean you can't be a good networker. Case in point? The author herself is an introvert, and admits straight off she's often overwhelmed, and decidedly unconnected. And yet she's been a smashing success at networking.

If you're still not convinced you need networking, and that it's worth all the trouble, then don't turn off the podcast just yet.

Good networking can completely change your life. Whether you want a promotion, to write a book, or grow your business, you can achieve it using networking. Networking isn't about using other people to further your own aims. It isn't about schmoozing or being self-centered.

Great networking is about building connections that benefit you, and the other person. It's about having a group of people you can turn to when you need help and advice, and who can turn to you when they need a helping hand.

In this book you learn how to network while being true to who you are, introvert and all. When you're done, we promise you won't ever look at networking the same way again.

If you're more of an extrovert you can still learn a lot of useful and unique networking strategies from the book. The biggest advantage is that you'll learn how to effectively network with introverts. You'll learn how they think and what they're experiencing when meeting new people, which will help you forge a stronger connection with them.

The author, Devora Zack, is a networking consultant who's worked with dozens of high profile companies and government organizations around the world.

So, keep listening and find out what deep breathing has to do with networking, how to gracefully exit a conversation, and when it's not a good idea to treat others as you'd like to be treated yourself.

This book is divided into 12 chapters. And these chapters cover everything from destroying stereotypes, to networking while you're traveling, to creating your own events that work for everyone.

There's a lot of information in here, but thanks to the author's tongue-in-cheek writing style, it doesn't read like a serious networking book. It's roaringly funny at points, and the pages fly by.

The first chapter is extremely short, and its sole purpose is to define what an introvert usually is. That is, reflective, focused and self-reliant.

Chapter two allows us to do an assessment to find out more about our true personality. Are we more introverted than extroverted? Most of you will probably know the answer to that question, but this chapter dives deeper into the issue, and discusses what this has to do with networking.

In the next chapter the author does something pretty radical. She attempts to dispel some traditional assumptions about introverts. And what she's doing here is pretty ingenious. The more we learn about introverts and extroverts, the more clues we have about how to interact with them so they feel comfortable.

For instance, when you say the word introvert, what comes to mind? Many people will think of words like shy, moody, isolated, boring, slow, or aloof.

In today's society, those words sound pretty negative. But these stereotypical words overlook the true gifts of the introverts.

Introverts like to process their ideas before they talk. If you're speaking with an introvert, then you should pause before initiating an action. Remember, introverts need time to think. Don't pressure them for a response right off the bat.

Another trait of introverts is that they crave deep, meaningful relationships. This means that traditional networking, when you flit from person to person in a large group, is downright horrifying to introverts.

The good news is there is a better way. Let's say you're going to a conference. If you're an introvert, or simply feeling too tired to meet everyone there, do your homework beforehand. If you know who's attending the conference, find out the one person who can truly make a difference in your life or career. Then, expend your energy developing a relationship with that one person.

We thought this was a great tip, because it's so much more effective than meeting a ton of people and making only a passing acquaintance with them. And if you think the author is focusing all her attention on introverts, think again. She also spends a good deal of time dispelling the myths about extroverts as well.

Chapter four is when we really start getting into the meat of the author's networking strategy.

Do you start to panic when you walk into a networking event? Perhaps your pulse quickens, you start to sweat, and you wonder immediately why you were crazy enough to come. If someone comes up to you to introduce themselves, you're only a shadow of the person you usually are because you simply can't think straight.

The author says people who fear networking almost always slip into a fight or flight response when they get to group events. They perceive these events as threatening, so their instincts take over. Blood leaves their brain and goes to their extremities, in case they need to run.

Think about that for a second. The blood is leaving your brain when this happens. This is why so many introverts find it impossible to think clearly at networking events.

That's why deep breathing is so effective. Yes, the author admits it's an old tip. But she says we really need to do it. If we're freaking out at an event, stopping to breathe deeply helps improve our blood flow and floods our brain with oxygen so we can think. It's also going to help us relax.

We loved that the author included this explanation. So many of us panic when we're in big events, and our brains seem to turn to mush. And we've all heard that we need to breathe deeply, but many of us might not know why. Knowing what's going on in our bodies can help us gain control more effectively, especially in stressful situations like giving a presentation or speech.

In chapter five we get more strategies for working with our strengths when it comes to networking.

The author advises us here to follow our energy. For instance, most networking experts recommend that you never eat lunch alone. You should always be attending events and finding partners to talk with, especially over meals.

Introverts find this draining and exhausting. They must have alone time if they're going to function. For introverts, being alone is their time to reenergize.

So, eat lunch alone. If you need to re-energize, then make time to do it, even if you're in the middle of a conference or networking event. If you're drained, you're not going to be effective at anything. And you especially won't make meaningful connections with people.

When it comes to conversation, introverts often feel they're at a disadvantage. They often hate making small talk, and if they're in a group with extroverts they can't get a word in edgewise.

How can you use this to your advantage?

By focusing on what you do best. Listening and observing. Gather data as you move about the room. The author says that at peak function, introverts can learn a tremendous amount about new acquaintances because they're so skilled at watching and listening. This is a huge advantage, especially when you begin to start relationships. Your insight allows you to ask well-informed questions to new acquaintances, which can spark deep conversations and allow you to stand out from the crowd.

If you're about to attend a networking event, then don't miss chapter six, which was our favorite. The author calls this one "The Networking Event Survival Kit."

Here you learn everything you need to know about successfully getting through a networking event, from how to dress to what you should do on the day of the event, to ensure you're relaxed and ready.

Her tips for the event itself are like gold.

For instance, introverts need recharge breaks during an event. Sensory overload will deplete your energy incredibly quickly, so it has to be managed. You can do things like visit the information table, or head outside for a break.

You also need to jot down notes on any business cards you get from new acquaintances. Write down, on the back, where you met the person and the date, any personal facts they shared, and a note about your conversation. When you follow up with them, which the author also covers, you can make your correspondence much more personal.

So what do you do if you're drained and really need to get out of a conversation gracefully?

The author has some great tips here. You can say, "May I have your card? It was great meeting you!" or "I'm going to go get some fresh air. I enjoyed our conversation; thank you!"

There are several suggestions here, so you definitely have your pick.

The author also gives us some of her own clever tips for managing networking events. For instance, she stores all her business cards behind her nametag, when it comes in a clear plastic sleeve. You can also store your hotel card and credit card back there, so you can walk around with free hands.

Chapter seven was another favorite.

Most of us have probably heard of the so-called Golden Rule that says we should always treat others how we'd like to be treated. Seems a fairly safe rule for being considerate, right?

Well, the author gives us several fictional scenarios that prove that this can backfire disastrously.

For instance, imagine extrovert David has been away on personal leave for two weeks. His introverted colleague, Josh, sees him return Monday morning. Josh wants to show David respect, so Josh treats David how he'd like to be treated. The introvert politely says hello and doesn't behave as if anything out of the ordinary has happened. After all, introvert Josh thinks, why draw attention to someone who's had to deal with personal issues?

David, the extrovert, is offended at this behavior. To him, Josh is being rude and insensitive by not bringing up his absence or being more excited that he's finally back at the office.

Do you see how the Golden Rule backfires? When we treat others how we'd like to be treated, we're ignoring their natural style and, to them, being disrespectful.

But we can change that. The author's rule is that we should treat people how they want to be treated.

The author says that during her seminars, people often say this rule is their most valuable takeaway from the class.

Treating others how they want to be treated is a particular boon for introverts. Why? Because remember, introverts are always watching and listening. They pick up on cues that extroverts often miss. So they often know how coworkers would want to be treated.

The last four chapters continue in the same vein. We get some great tips for interviewing, networking while traveling on business, how to create and run an introvert-friendly event, and achieving our goals with networking.

So what's our last word on "Networking for People Who Hate Networking?"

In short, we loved it. The book is funny and very accessible. Reading it is like sitting down with the author while she jokes and kids you into loving networking. Trust us, you won't want to put this book down once you get started.

Her tips and strategies are also very relevant, practical and often unique. There were so many wonderful tips in the book, and we wish we could have covered them all.

The great thing about this book is that it's useful for both introverts and extroverts. Introverts will learn strategies that apply to them. Extroverts can use these same strategies to network more effectively, or at least learn how to better relate to introverts.

If you've had problems networking in the past, then you won't want to miss this book. It will break down many introvert and extrovert stereotypes, and offer us all new ways of looking at our personality opposites. No matter what you score on the Myers-Briggs scale, you're going to learn a lot from this book.

"Networking for People Who Hate Networking," by Devora Zack, is published by Berret-Koehler Publishers.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Click here to buy the book from Amazon. Thanks for listening.