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Welcome to your exclusive Mind Tools member newsletter, designed to help you survive and thrive at work. Each week, you’ll find personal insight and advice from the mindtools.com editors, and from our network of thought leaders, researchers and coaches.
This week, we’re exploring the self-sabotaging behavior, Fake-aholism – what causes it and how to escape it. Then scroll down for our Tip of the Week on Making Decisions and the News Roundup.
Are You a Fake-aholic?
Signs to Watch Out for and How to Break the Habit
By Bruna Martinuzzi, Executive Coach
A fake-aholic is someone who has a compulsion to work hard, day in and day out, even when they're beyond exhausted, and while pretending that everything is fine.
On the outside, fake-aholics appear to have a strong drive and to be highly involved in their work.
On the inside, however, there is a different reality. Fake-aholics experience low work enjoyment, even dread, because they’re constantly overwhelmed.
No one notices, because fake-aholics are so adept at masking their pain and, eventually, living on the edge can feel normal.
But continually battling their physical and mental limits can lead to misery, burnout and illness for the individual – and disaster for the team.
Three Fake-aholic Habits...
Do you recognize any of these thought patterns in yourself or a team member?
- Comparison - “Other people are coping well, so why can’t I? I’m just weak and lazy.”
- Guilt - “I feel bad when so many colleagues have lost their jobs. I have no right to complain.”
- Defeat - “There’s no way the situation can change, so why try?”
If such reactions sound familiar, don’t panic. You and your co-workers are not powerless in the face of fake-aholism.
...and Four Solutions
Consider these four simple strategies to help you:
1. Start an Accomplishment Diary
You can begin to quiet your fear of inadequacy by keeping an accomplishment diary. At the end of your workday ask yourself, "What did I achieve?" Consider these examples:
- Did you create a positive environment for your team, even if it is virtual?
- Did you express appreciation to someone who goes unnoticed?
- Did you gracefully acknowledge a mistake you made?
- Did you keep an open mind during a difficult conversation?
- Did you make a wise decision?
- Did you figure out how to use a new piece of software?
- Did you take care of your family’s needs?
- Did you do something to add value to your department or organization?
Many wins, big and small, can go unnoticed. Keeping score of them provides hard data to help you to see and appreciate all that you have accomplished.
2. Escape the Comparison Trap
Confidence begins when you decide to be yourself. Comparing yourself with others can only lead to unhappiness. Instead, measure yourself against who you were in the past.
You can go back several years, several weeks, or just yesterday. Ask yourself, "Am I better now than then? If not, what can I learn to do better tomorrow?"
Self-comparison is the most meaningful way to assess your growth and to inspire you to continue.
3. Establish a Support Network
You may feel shame at your "failure" to cope. So surround yourself with people who are supportive of you despite your "imperfections."
Asking your colleagues for help may seem particularly daunting, but chances are they'd be happy to take the strain off you, and your working relationships could be stronger, not weaker, as a result.
Don't be surprised if you discover that some of them feel overwhelmed, too, especially in times of crisis.
4. Give Yourself a Break!
If you're struggling with workload, but still find it hard to say “no,” your performance will eventually falter. So, combat your self-judgment and dare to face reality.
Think about what factors are causing you to feel overwhelmed and focus on the parts you really can control. Can you re-negotiate a deadline, or delegate some of your tasks? By doing less, you can sometimes achieve more.
Most of all, focus on all the things that you get right and practice self-acceptance.
How to Manage a Fake-aholic Team Member
Here are four ways to help someone else suffering from fake-aholism:
1. Help Them to Feel Safe
If your team member opens up to you, make sure to listen mindfully and respectfully to what they have to say.
Then help them to understand that their fears are not unique, and that everyone struggles at one point or other in their lives. Consider sharing a personal story of your own that reinforces your point.
2. Look out for (Well-Meaning) Dishonesty
Even if your employee has admitted to fake-aholic behaviors, they will likely continue to find it hard to be honest with themselves or you.
Pay attention to their language and zero in on any unrealistically optimistic promises. Discuss their To-Do Lists and observe their working hours: are they sustainable?
3. Encourage the Heart
Show them that you have confidence in them. Go over a portfolio of their contributions, and emphasize the value that they add to your organization.
Remember, we all have in us a metaphorical bucket that needs to be filled with affirmations.
4. Take a Load off Their Plate
Give practical assistance. Ask them what extra resources they need. Discuss reassigning one or two of their projects to another team member to ease their workload.
But be ready for a denial that help is needed, and reassure them that there is no implied failure in such an intervention.
What's Next?
If you’re in the dual grip of exhaustion and guilt, you owe it to yourself to examine the causes of your physical and emotional strain – and what you can do right away to tackle them. This doesn’t mean exerting yet more effort, but rather a kind word to yourself and a few minutes’ initial reflection.
I recommend the following Mind Tools resources:
Perhaps bookmark all four now, then pick just one to read, watch or listen to today. And make a deal with your near-burned-out self to return for another dose tomorrow.
Tip of the Week
Decide How to Decide
By Charlie Swift, Mind Tools Managing Editor
If you’re an expert in your team, the manager of that team, or someone leading a wider strategy or project, people will look to you to be decisive.
But should you always go it alone in your decision making?
It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for input, no matter your seniority or experience. And sometimes you’d be more of a fool not to!
Are you clear about which factors you’re bringing to bear, how much weight you’re giving them, and why? This will affect your own peace of mind, the level of buy-in from others, and of course the quality of the outcome.
I’ve found Mind Tools resources particularly helpful when it comes to working out who should decide and how. Why not try them out for yourself? For starters:
Pain Points Podcast
Receiving feedback can be tough!
Whether it’s good or bad, hearing what others think about you and your work takes a certain kind of courage. How can we do it in a way where we learn and grow, rather than feel judged?
Join the Mind Tools Content team in this week’s podcast as they discuss getting feedback – including tips, tricks and methods for getting the most out of feedback.
Subscribe Today
News Roundup
This Week's Global Workplace Insights
Owning Those Résumé Gaps
Taking a career break is increasingly common. One recent survey of 6,000 workers in south-east Asia found that only 29 percent of workers had never taken such a break, according to CNBC.
The leading reasons for career breaks include health or wellness issues and job transitions, followed by travel, childcare and other caregiving.
The COVID-19 pandemic has further disrupted traditional workplaces, prompting some employees to leave jobs or take intentional breaks.
But both workers and employers remain concerned about résumé gaps, and experts advise being prepared to address them in interviews. The top tips are:
- Be honest about the existence of a gap.
- Explain the gap clearly and straightforwardly.
- Calmly assert your privacy if questioned beyond what you’re comfortable to share.
- Shift focus to highlight what you gained during a gap, emphasizing the value of “soft” and transferable skills alongside any formal learning you undertook proactively.
The key is to overcome any perceptions of being out-of-touch and to show your readiness for re-employment.
Who's the Real Star?
Which role in a soccer team is most important for winning a match? And what does this have to do with other professions and workplaces?
You’d be forgiven for assuming it’s the forward positions that are most valuable, with their incumbents’ highly tuned goal-scoring skills and eye-watering salaries.
But an in-depth study of Germany’s elite league data, reported in the MIT Sloan Management Review, revealed that it’s the fullbacks and goalkeepers who are the most critical players.
As the authors say, “Although defenders may not get as much fan adoration, the numbers indicate that they are the biggest difference makers for winning.
“And this kind of analysis works regardless of industry.
“Every organization is likely to have its own underappreciated roles. While the sales team may land the account, it could be the service department that keeps that account renewing each year.”
Who are your unsung heroes? And what can you do to support them? Use Mind Tools resources to help you explore this topic.
You might want to measure success against KPIs for the business or against OKRs for the individual. Either way, be sure to anchor your assessment to a strong Strategy, and to spread the good news about your team members with Positive Narratives.
See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight from the Mind Tools team!
