Access the essential membership for Modern Managers
We’re surrounded by talented people at work with great ideas to share. But listening is about more than angling your ear in someone’s direction. You have to really listen to what they say, understand what they mean and unearth how they feel. Try out these tips to improve your listening skills.
What Is Listening?
Listening and hearing are not the same thing. Listening is an active process, where you get meaning from what’s being said before you respond. Let’s explore ways to listen better.
Following the Speaker
Conversations, especially work chat, can be tough going. But if you find it difficult to keep your attention on the speaker, you can train yourself to focus by:
- Pausing to think of questions rather than your response. You’ll show you’re engaged, help the speaker open up and say what they really feel.
- Asking questions from what they’re saying shows you’re interested, builds rapport and helps you clarify their points. Questions such as, 'Did I get that right?' will also give you feedback if you’ve understood the speaker correctly. [1]
- Mentally round up key points. We think up to four times faster than we talk, so it’s easy to get impatient with a speaker's slow progress. [2] Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, use that spare brain power to sum up the speaker's main points. When they’ve finished talking, say something like, 'What I hear you saying is…' to find out if you’re on the same page.
Supporting the Speaker
A good listener can encourage a speaker to say what they really feel and help articulate themselves better. To do it, you can:
- Paraphrase – break down and frame what they’re saying in your own language. You’ll show you’re listening, force yourself to pay attention and get a clearer sense of what they’re saying.
- Spur on the speaker by saying things like 'go on', 'tell me more' or 'that’s interesting'. You can also repeat one of their phrases to encourage them to open up.
- Watch out for behavioral cues that reveal a gap between what a speaker is saying and what they really feel. For example, their words may convey confidence about an idea but their body language (gestures, posture, facial expressions) reveal underlying anxiety.
- Subtly mirror the speaker's body language to show interest and increase their confidence and empathy levels.
- Maintain eye contact, nod, raise eyebrows and lean forward to show interest. But be subtle and remember to concentrate on what they’re saying.
Reflective Listening
Reflective listening helps you really understand what’s being said, make a connection with the speaker and encourage more thought-provoking conversation. To master this skill, try:
- Asking open questions. So, 'How do you feel about work?' instead of 'Do you like it here?' These help you build on what you heard and continue the conversation.
- Developing empathy. To gain a deeper understanding of how the speaker feels, use phrases such as 'You felt X because Y?'
- Reflecting back the feelings of the speaker by saying something like 'So, you felt excited?' When asked a direct question, respond to the feeling that lies behind it.
Final Advice
Remember, listening isn’t just about fuelling a conversation. Where relevant, you can bring up what someone said hours, days or weeks later. It feels great when someone remembers something you said and brings it up later. What’s more, good listeners circle back around to follow up on key points or important issues. [3] By focusing on the speaker instead of yourself, you’ll get the information you need and become a better communicator.
