Building Rapport in Coaching

Many of us work naturally at building rapport with others in our everyday relationships, both at home and at work. Building this rapport is even more important in coaching.

For coaching to be successful, coaches and coachees (the people being coached) must work together and share information about each other. This will help the coachee to trust the coach, and to feel emotionally safe as the relationship develops.

In this article, we'll look at ways you can build and maintain trust and rapport with the people you're coaching, and thus get the best from your coaching relationships.

The Four Characteristics of Trust

Mutual trust is critical in a coaching relationship, and building rapport can help people gain that trust. David Maister, an expert in professional relationships, identified the main characteristics of our behavior that help to build trust as credibility, reliability, intimacy, and care.

You can apply these characteristics to improve coaching relationships, as follows:

• Credibility
  Helping coachees find their path is not just about having the right skills – it's also about demonstrating your knowledge and your access to useful resources. This shows that you have expertise, and can do what you say you can do.
  Credibility may come naturally from being personally recommended by someone the coachee already trusts. But it can also come from being confident and avoiding hesitation. The right balance is to speak clearly and authoritatively, yet avoid being dictatorial – you can learn this with experience and practice.
  This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll always know the answers to the questions that your coachees are asking – the best solutions usually come from the coachees themselves. But it does mean that you should be genuinely resourceful and well informed, and you should admit it when you don't have the right knowledge or information.
  You can explore strategies for develpoing this characteristic with our article, Establishing Credibility.
  
• Reliability
  As well as being able to support coachees, you should always strive to keep your promises by doing what you say you're going to do.
  This could be as simple as arriving at meetings on time, or returning phone calls promptly. It could also include following up on previous conversations, conducting research on the coachee's behalf, and generally being sensitive to the coachee's preferences and expectations.
  
• Intimacy
  Sharing feelings and information will happen only when the coachee feels comfortable and at ease with you – and the more that people share, the more comfort they usually feel.
  This doesn't mean that you have to share everything about your own life with coachees. But revealing emotions, experiences, values, and beliefs, can show coachees that the relationship works both ways, and show that you trust them to keep your confidences as well. You can learn more about how and when to share personal details with our article, Self-Disclosure.
  
• Care
  Demonstrating care isn't something you can do by following a formula. It relies on the coachee believing that you genuinely have their best interests in mind, and that the relationship is not just about work and work performance.
  At its simplest, this means being a good host during a meeting. But it often extends beyond this – being available to the coachee at short notice (for example, by telephone or email), or taking an interest in what's happening in their life.
  

The four characteristics of trust are taken from THE TRUSTED ADVISOR by David H. Maister, Charles H. Green, and Robert M. Galford. Copyright © 2000 by David H. Maister, Charles H. Green, and Robert M. Galford. Reprinted with the permission of The Free Press, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Six Levels of Rapport

Establishing and maintaining rapport is also about understanding the importance of sharing what we have in common, and then using these shared elements as the building blocks for a successful coach-coachee relationship.

We can explore what we have in common in many ways, but one of the most useful is by using six "logical levels."

As we go further down the six levels, the items become more psychologically intimate and, therefore, more relevant to building a deeper level of rapport.

Level

Example

1. Environment

Do we share a workplace or live in the same town, city or region? Do we experience similar weather, do we have a similar background, or do we know the same people?

2. Behavior

Do we do the same things, share the same hobbies, or act in similar ways?

3. Capability

Do we share any skills or abilities?

4. Beliefs

Do we share principles, values or beliefs about what is important in life?

5. Identity

Do we share a sense of who we are? (For example, "I am a hardworking and loyal husband" or "I am a carefree artist.")

6. Spirit

Do we share a sense of how all things are connected, or how we're connected to a god or to the rest of humankind? (Admittedly, this level might not lend itself naturally to, or even be appropriate for, workplace conversation.)

These levels are not exclusive, but they can help us to recognize what type of rapport-building conversation we're having at any one point in time.

Typically, we start conversations at the environment level, and we share and build from this to more personal topics, as we build more trust.

Conversations about values, and identity are particularly valuable in coaching, because these topics are often the basis for motivation, performance, and building good relationships with others.

Asking the Right First Question

Another important part of building rapport is getting off to a good start. This can be trickier than it seems. Putting coachees at ease with everyday conversation helps ensure that the relationship doesn't start uncomfortably. So, it's best to avoid making jokes or offering too many personal observations until coachees have spoken more about their likes and dislikes.

At some point, though, you need to start a more structured conversation with a general and open question. Good examples include "What's been happening for you?" or "How are things going for you?" or "What's on your mind today?"

The actual question doesn't matter too much, but it must invite the coachees, in an open and natural way, to talk about themselves and how they're feeling. Our article, How to Have a Great One-on-One, has information that could be useful here.

Maintaining Rapport

Rapport building isn't something you do just once. Each coaching session needs to build from the last.

By doing the following, you can help ensure that the coaching relationship stays on track, and you continue to build and maintain rapport:

• Show respect for what the coachee has achieved, the coachee's perspective on life, and his or her life goals.
• Show consideration and empathy for any stresses and complications in the coachee's life.
• Be courteous.
• Appropriately nurture or care about the coachee, but don't be a "parent."
• Exchange confidences.
• Be authentic.
• Provide relevant knowledge and information.
• Avoid using jargon.