The Happiness Track

Emma Seppala: Well, I've worked in a lot of high achieving environments, from Yale to Stanford, Silicon Valley, New York City, and I noticed too many people pursuing success at a cost to themselves. They were in effect postponing their own happiness now in pursuit of success, with the idea that, when they attained success, they will be happy. Yet, what I saw, and I'm sure that many of you have seen, is that they're burning themselves out in the process.

I, too, joined the rat race and it seemed like it was what everyone was doing and there was no real choice about it. But, when I looked at the research, I saw that overwhelmingly happiness is actually the secret to success. If you prioritize your own wellbeing, you'll actually be more productive, creative, resilient, energized, charismatic, influential. You'll have more willpower, be more focused, with less effort. So that's why I wrote the book.

Rachel Salaman: Your book challenges six myths of happiness and success. The first is that success, and therefore happiness, comes from getting things done and always looking ahead to the next goal. And you say that, instead, we should live or work in the moment. So can you just explain how those two things are different?

Emma Seppala: Right. So don't get me wrong. It's great to have goals and intentions for your future, absolutely, but when you're constantly in a state where you're just trying to get that next thing off of your To Do List, you know, as soon as you're done with one thing moving on to the next. You always have this idea that you have to constantly be moving, constantly be productive, and that's what I mean by being focused on the future all the time.

But what happens if you actually focus on staying present is that you're actually going to be more productive and more focused because your mind is actually with what it's doing. Research also shows that we are never at our happiest than when we are in the present moment. And our mind wanders all the time. Fifty percent of the time our mind is wandering, presumably into the past or future. And when your mind wanders into the future then you get more anxious and stressed. Stress is nothing but a mind that's in the future, that's stuck in what might happen, what I still have to do, etc etc. You know, and when you can keep your mind in the present that's when research shows we are at our best and our happiest, even if we're doing something we don't particularly like.

When we are more present we are also far more productive. You just have to spend a day getting pinged by email and texts and incoming messages all day long to see just how productive you are. The same happens when your mind is constantly jumping around, is that you can't focus on what you're doing, you can't actually get things done.

Moreover, when you are present with other people, that human connection, which is so essential, whether it's with colleagues, employees, clients, or your family, that's when you really are able to connect. And, in fact, I would even say that's when you will become a charismatic person.

So, if you think of how people describe someone who has a lot of charisma, often they talk about, for example, a president or someone of that kind of caliber, "Oh that person made me feel like I was the only person in the room." How do they do that? It's very simple, They are 100 percent present with another person, 100 percent listening.

So that's how you foster real authentic human connection. It's also when you really can see another person and really listen to them, and therefore really engage in ways that are much more productive. So I would say that, instead of always thinking about what's next on your To-Do List, focus on the task or conversation at hand. You'll not only see your work performance improve but you'll also be more magnetic and charismatic.

So that's something we can train ourselves. We know that the brain is very malleable plastic and that we can learn new skills. Techniques like meditation are currently becoming very popular, and I think that one of the reasons meditation is becoming so popular is because we are looking for a balance to the very fast pace that we're currently moving at. In exercises such as meditation, you're simply observing the mind rather than being caught up in the flow of thoughts, feelings, impulses, etc. So that is one very good exercise that can help bring the mind back into a place of present.

If meditation is not your thing or it just feels like it might take too long, then something that you can do in the moment and very immediately to bring your mind back into the present is take long, deep breaths. Again, sounds very simple but it's very profound. Actually, if you look at the research, our breath is intimately tied to our nervous system, so, when you're feeling stressed or you're feeling angry or you're feeling anxious, your breath changes. Similarly, if you're feeling happy and relaxed, your breath changes.

This is all research-based, but one thing that we know and that's something that is very helpful, and that most of us actually don't know, is that, if you change your breathing, you actually can change how you feel. So if you start to take longer, deeper, more relaxed breaths with longer exhales, you're actually going to calm your nervous system. As you calm your nervous system, your mind will also start to settle down.

So let's say you're at your desk. You find your mind racing. You've got a million things that you need to do but you also need to finish this big project. This morning; you've got to get it done. Close your eyes and take some long, deep breaths and lengthen your exhale and breathe into your belly and lengthen the exhale. Do that 10-20 times and you'll see that, when you open your eyes, you'll be much more calm and you'll be able to focus better.

I talk about breathing a lot during this focus. It's actually relevant to many of my points.

Rachel Salaman: The second key to success in your book is to tap into your resilience, which is about dealing with stress. So here you say that stress can sometimes actually be good for people. So could you just talk us through the different types of stress?

Emma Seppala: Yes. Stress is probably the reason that we're all alive today. It is what has helped us dodge an oncoming car, it's what has helped us recover after a wound or surgery. So the body's stress response is really vital for preservation of life in life-or-death situations but also in terms of injury and sickness etc. So it has a very beneficial impact on us.

We also find that momentary stress, for example before a big deadline, can really help you get more things done, quickly, and we all know that, you know, in last minute somehow you become super productive sometimes. However, when stress is chronic, in other words when it's not just momentary but it's ongoing, it's every day, it's every month, and so forth, that's when you have chronic stress, and what does chronic stress do? Chronic stress starts to damage your health. It starts to impair your cognitive functions.

So, for example, we know that, if you have a momentary stress, your attention and cognitive skills get sharpened, your immune system gets boosted, your body prepares to heal, it prepares to flee, and so forth, so everything is activated. However, if you have chronic stress and your body is constantly in that high activation mode, of course it starts to break down, and, in fact, all those things start to get compromised - your cognitive function, your immune function, etc - which is why, when you're very stressed for a long period of time, you're more likely to get sick, for example.

So, in the book, I discuss the theory that a lot of us think that stress is inevitable for success, so we live in this mode of overdrive, not just drive, overdrive, and we think it's the inescapable byproduct of a fast-paced life and a productive life, that it's inevitable. And what we've forgotten about is that we have another system within us, which is the opposite of fight or flight, which is the opposite of that sympathetic nervous system, fight or flight stress response, and it's the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest response.

We often feel like we have to operate in this high adrenaline mode but, if we actually learned to tap into the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest nervous system, that's where we restore ourselves. That's where we build resilience.

So, while we can't change the work and life demands that are coming our way, which undoubtedly are often very stressful, what we can do is train our nervous system to become more resilient without burnout and to thrive in the face of difficulties and challenges. The way I'm proposing to do this is to train your parasympathetic nervous system. We have to relearn how to tap into that part of us that calms us down but that also helps our body rebuild and restore itself, and our mind also to get a break.

So again here, breathing exercises and other ways to calm your nervous system help to make it more resilient to stress and helping you recover. So this is again where I'm suggesting that we make these an intrinsic part of our life.

Rachel Salaman: I thought it was really interesting in your book that you say that children and animals bounce back from stressful events immediately.

Emma Seppala: Right, right.

Rachel Salaman: And adult humans just don't tend to.

Emma Seppala: Right.

Rachel Salaman: I think in this part of the book you talk about resilience saboteurs, which is useful to think about. Can you tell us a bit about those and how knowing about them can help us at work?

Emma Seppala: Sure. So, for one, our minds. I mean, we tend to focus on negative things more than positive thoughts, so that's one way in which we can get ourselves really stressed out, is that we can constantly focus on what could go wrong, what might go wrong, etc etc, and arguably animals and little children don't do that as much. You know, even when we just open our inbox, it's enough to assail us with a number of stressors that can send our mind racing. In fact, research shows that, the more you check your email, the more you experience stress. If you think about it, you know, let's say you receive 20 emails and each email is about a different thing. And out of those 20, a bunch of them are either someone's upset at you or somebody wants something for you to send them very quickly, and then you get an email from a family member who needs you to urgently do something for them, in the span of the five minutes, 10 minutes it took you to read that, you've been assailed by so many different stressors.

So our mind is one way that we exhaust ourselves, because we do get caught up in that kind of thinking stress, but the other thing is external stimuli. We're constantly being told that we need to buy more things, look better, exercise more, eat better, perform at a higher level, learn more, get ahead. And then, even if you look at the media, it's always, in general, negative news, you know, war or conflict, death, destruction, murder, etc. Even the special offers and sales you see in stores are meant to manipulate our adrenal system constantly. "The sale is going on only now," like, "You have to take advantage of it," etc etc.

So the reason why we're being assailed by these messages is because news agencies and marketers etc. know that, if you call on our stress response, you're more likely to get a reaction but, as a consequence for getting all of these messages thrown at us, we ourselves play an active role in keeping our adrenaline levels high. That's why you may over-schedule yourself, over-commit, wait til the last minute to complete projects.

And then, as I was saying, relying on stimulants like coffee and sugar and energy drinks to give you that high, you believe you need to keep yourself going, but there's something wrong with this picture. We naturally have the ability to get up, but then also come back down, as we can see in the natural world, as we can see in children. We just need to tap back into that.

Rachel Salaman: Well, your third key to success is kind of related. It's manage your energy.

Emma Seppala: Right.

Rachel Salaman: So it's challenging the idea that we need to continually push forward at all costs, and here you discuss research into self control and the positive effects of being calm. Now, you've touched on this a little bit already but can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Emma Seppala: Right, okay. So self control, research shows, is a bit of a limited resource, like gasoline or the charge on your cell phone, for example. The more you use it, the less you actually have it. So that's why you're more likely to stick to your resolution in the morning, for example go to the gym if that's your New Year's resolution, but then binge on ice-cream late at night. Why? Because throughout the day you've been exerting self-control in so many ways, you got to the gym, you went to work, you behaved yourself, you controlled your impulses to go off task when you were at work, or controlled your behavior around colleagues who annoyed you, so we're using self-control all day. So, by the end of the day, we're exhausted.

We know that self control is like a muscle that you can build but also one that can weaken over time. So a couple of ways to exert self control so that you can achieve the goals you want, is to do the things that you want to do and get done in the morning. The morning is golden. It's the time when you have your self-control tank full.

And the other thing that's important is to manage your energy by staying calmer. As I just discussed, stress is something that we sometimes rely on but that is very taxing and exhausting on your body. So if you are constantly depending on having a high adrenaline to get things done, you are exhausting yourself much faster. So there is so much to be said for learning to remain calmer because, if you're calmer, your nervous system and your body are not getting taxed, and as a consequence you'll have more energy for longer.

Rachel Salaman: In this part of the book you have some great tips for restoring energy, including turning what you're doing into something that you want to be doing. So can you share a couple of those tips?

Emma Seppala: Yes. If you're feeling drained at the end of the day, for example you come home and you just are so keen on lying down on your sofa, not doing anything, but a friend calls and invites you to a really fun party. All of a sudden you have all this energy again. You're like, "Yes, let's go!" What happened? Your friend invited you to something you really want to be doing and, all of a sudden, you have more energy.

So the same goes for your other goals in life. For example, let's say you have to work on a work project and just thinking about it makes you feel queasy and you are dreading it. Now think of the end goal, you know when this is done you might get promoted or you'll get a bonus or whatever it is, or your boss will think you did a great job and you're going to get rewarded in some way. Remembering the end goal, even if it's not that, if it's just, "I'm so glad I've got this job because it allows me to go on vacation or to pay for a good education for my children."

So, if you remember the end goal, that actually will give you that energy back, just like the example of someone calling you about a party. So it's really important to step back and take that bigger picture.

Another way of restoring energy is to detach from work when you're not working. Many of us pick up our phones first thing in the morning and check our email and are still doing that late at night. As a consequence we never detach, and research shows that we are more likely to be exhausted and drained and less engaged at work. So actually taking time to really detach when you're not working can help you be much more engaged at work, much more enthusiastic about it, and actually more productive and have better performance. So that is an important thing to do, even though it has become so commonplace to have such a blurry boundary between work and personal life.

On the other hand, your personal life will benefit as well. Your family and friends will very much appreciate having you all to themselves, and it will also help you to, in your mind, create a more clear separation between those two facets of your life.

Rachel Salaman: The fourth key to success that you talk about is to do nothing, which is about making time for idleness rather than constantly immersing yourself in your specialist field. Can you explain the link between idleness and creativity, and why it matters?

Emma Seppala: Yes, absolutely. So research shows that we are more likely to come up with creative insights when our mind is in alpha wave mode, in other words that space that's a little bit day dreamy, that's restful, that's wandering. And yet we think that, in order to come up with innovative solutions within our field, we need to absolutely focus non-stop on that field, read everything about it, train ourselves better and more, and that that's the way we're going to find the best solution. Well there's nothing wrong with that but, if you don't take time to be idle, if you don't take time to really just relax and do nothing, or have fun, or diversify your activities rather than always focusing on one thing, you're less likely to be creative.

So that's why it's so important, and there's so many examples of writers, famous writers like Tolkien and C. S. Lewis and Charles Dickens, who were very religious about the walks they took every day. Why? Because, again, it helped foster their creativity.

So this is something that we've forgotten, especially in a time and age when we're moving at such a fast pace and that we constantly have our phones with us. So we're no longer idle. You're waiting for the bus, you're checking your social media. Whatever it is you're doing, you're probably involved in some way or another with technology.

Rachel Salaman: And you point out the benefits of playing as adults. So what are some of those benefits and how can we create more opportunities for play in our lives, particularly at work?

Emma Seppala: Yes, it's very interesting because humans are the only mammals who don't play into adulthood. We somehow think the time for play is over, and yet research shows that it can really help generate your creativity in addition to boosting your wellbeing and happiness. It's something that's become so foreign to us as adults that we can only do it either if it's scheduled in, like a Saturday morning soccer match, or thanks to alcohol in some ways, a kind of lubrication to help you loosen up a little.

But research shows that making more time for play, and maybe if you have children it's time to really immerse yourself in a game with them, or if you have pets to do the same thing, But there are also new laughter yoga clubs, go to a comedy club, watch comedy, learn improv, do something that structures your boundaries, do something that pulls you out of your element, that diversifies your life experience, that stretches you, stretches your comfort zone, and just have fun with it.

Rachel Salaman: I really liked your fifth key to success, which is about not playing to our strengths. So being good to ourselves and learning new things. Now, we're used to being told we should play to our strengths, so when is it better not to?

Emma Seppala: It's of course important and great to know what you are good at, right, but the problem is that when people believe that they have certain strengths, like I'm a good speaker or I'm a good mathematician, or so forth, is that they somehow believe they have this inborn talent for those things, which means that they don't have talent for other things. So if you go around thinking that then you're less likely to actually learn a new thing, new skills, and you're less likely to be resilient in the face of failure, because whenever there's a failure you interpret it as something you simply cannot be good at.

Now, if you walk around not thinking about that, just thinking about understanding what science really shows, which is that our brain is plastic and malleable and is built to learn new skills, if you understand that fully then you will also be more likely to expand your repertoire of skills and you'll be more likely to be resilient in the face of failure, because you'll know that, "Okay, I just need to try harder," or, "I need to learn this a little better."

And so you're less likely to be depressed and anxious in the face of failure or challenge, and actually take it as an opportunity, as an adventure, to expand your knowledge.

Rachel Salaman: So, in any given situation, how can we tell whether it would be better to play to our strengths or better not to, for example if you're choosing what job or promotion to apply for?

Emma Seppala: I would say, don't let a belief in your strengths hold you back. So, if you want to apply for a promotion but it involves a lot of public speaking and that's something you don't feel comfortable with, don't let that hold you back. Public speaking is something you can learn, it's a skill you can do well at. Let's say every other part of the job is your dream job but it involves this public speaking, so still apply because you can learn it and you can expand your skills and you can become a good public speaker.

The problem is when people hold themselves back in that situation. The other problem is when people make a mistake or fail at something, and then they beat themselves up about it and they think, "There's no way I can do a good job at this. I'm not made for this," etc. Again, you're creating a situation where you're not allowing yourself to learn, to build new skills, you know, acquire new knowledge.

Rachel Salaman: And that brings us on to the idea of self-compassion, which you talk a lot about at this point in the book. What exactly do you mean by that?

Emma Seppala: Well, many of us think that self-criticism is really the road to self-improvement, that we really have to be our own worst critic because that's the best way to really become better at what we need to do. But research is showing that self-criticism is basically a way to self-sabotage, and it's not something that we are aware of but research shows that, if you are self-critical, you're again less likely to be resilient in the face of challenge, you're less likely to bounce back in the face of failure.

Self-compassion, which involves treating yourself as you would a friend, for example if a friend fails or makes a mistake you're not going to beat up on them. Presumably, you're going to tell them, "You know, everyone makes mistakes. It's normal, it's no big deal, you're fine," etc. That's a self-compassionate approach.

Compassion is something we often have no problem with when it comes to someone else, but it's more challenging for ourselves. However, research shows that, if you are more self-compassionate, you're actually going to be not only psychologically much better off, happier, less anxious but also much more productive, much more resilient, much more able to perform at your highest and at your best, and to have better relationships with other people altogether.

Rachel Salaman: So how can we become more self-compassionate?

Emma Seppala: Well there are different ways of doing so, one of which is simply to be aware of your own self talk. What are you saying to yourself when you fail? How are you talking to yourself when you make a mistake? For example, do you beat yourself up? Instead of saying things like, "I'm such an idiot," think, "Okay, I had a moment of absentmindedness and that's okay." Another example is to write yourself a letter. It sounds a little stilted but it's very effective. When your emotions are overwhelming, write a letter to yourself as if you are writing to a friend. It probably will feel strange at first but your comforting words will help to normalize the situation rather than blow it out of proportion.

Then finally, you can develop a self-compassion phrase. You know, just have something that you say to yourself and that you can recall in moments that are really challenging. So Dr Kristin Neff, who is the researcher who really pioneered research on self-compassion, uses this mantra: she says, "This is a moment of suffering and suffering is part of my life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion that I need." It's very interesting, she actually developed this out of her own experience, being the mother of an autistic child and having to deal with very challenging situations in which she really felt helpless. But instead of thinking of herself as a failure as a mother, for example, she learned to have more self-compassion and therefore thrive in a situation that was extremely challenging.

So again, here I'm talking about a personal example but it could apply at work as well.

Rachel Salaman: Your last key to success is about being compassionate to others rather than looking out for yourself. Now, this might sound a bit contradictory because we're just talked about how important it is to be self-compassionate.

Emma Seppala: Right.

Rachel Salaman: So when there's a choice between being self-compassionate and being compassionate to others, which is the better option in your experience?

Emma Seppala: Well, you can be both, there just needs to be a balance. So research shows that if you're more compassionate, whether it's in the workplace, an organization, or in whatever context actually, you're going to build better relationships and your employees and colleagues will have greater loyalty to you and overall you're going to do better, assuming that you don't let people take advantage of you. So being compassionate but also being skillful about it and being intelligent about it.

Of course, research is overwhelming about that, and if you can think about in your own life a mentor that you had who really looked out for you, who really cared about you first, that's the kind of mentor who would, down the road, later in life, if they ever called you, you would probably drop everything to do whatever they asked of you, and that's real, true loyalty. You know, at work especially, we're having less and less human moments. We're treating each other more like automatons. The idea that you get your stuff done, I'll get my stuff done. But if we include a more human touch, more compassion, more understanding of others when they fail, but also an understanding that they also have a life, in everybody's personal life there are great moments of challenge and sadness and difficulty and health issues, etc. Really understanding and being there for people and giving them a break when things are difficult and applying compassion around you is going to lead to tremendous results, not only for your wellbeing, your health, your happiness, and even your longevity, research shows, but also you're creating a better world for everyone around you. And, ironically, the results are that you will be more successful. That's what research shows.

Now, of course, compassion should not come at the cost of self-compassion, so there needs to be a balance. You can't be so altruistic that you then pay the price because you've run yourself down, but the combination of those two is very powerful. And it also makes the world a better place, in addition to making you happier and more successful.

Rachel Salaman: So what are some ways to become more compassionate to others?

Emma Seppala: Well, there are a number of different ways to do so. You know, some people choose to do meditations, like loving-kindness meditation. I have one up on YouTube that has been pretty popular, and that's one way to really train the mind to be more altruistic in a very relaxing way, but other ways are simply to have an awareness when you speak to people, to really listen to them, to ask them how they're doing, to get to know their own personal family situation.

For example, I had a colleague who's a coach, trainer in organizations, and he had compassion intervention play-outs with some leaders in a big Fortune 100 company. And at the end of that exercise, one of the leaders came up to him and was practically in tears, and said, "I've been working with this person for 20 years and I never had asked him or known about his personal life and difficulties." Just remembering that, first and foremost, we are human beings with human needs, feelings and so forth, and really listening to people from that place and asking them about how they are doing, authentically.

Another really easy way is to just decide that every day you're going to do three random acts of kindness, whatever that is, whether it's bringing chocolate to your colleague or doing something else, and you'll also see that that can be really fun. It's kind of scheduled, maybe a little stilted, but, honestly, the results are wonderful, both for you and everybody else.

Rachel Salaman: We've covered a lot of ground in this discussion. What are your top one or two takeaways for people who want to be happier and more successful at work?

Emma Seppala: My top takeaway is to remember that taking care of yourself is actually the best road to success, whether that means taking time off to detach from work, taking time off to be idle and have fun. You'll be more creative. And managing your stress and bringing more calm moments into your life, as well as being kinder to others and then being kind to yourself.

The combination of those very simple sounding points actually is very powerful, and you'll be able to have longer lasting success because you're going to avoid burn-out, but you're also be more happy and fulfilled in your life as you move forward towards your goals.

Rachel Salaman: Emma Seppala, thanks very much for joining us today.

Emma Seppala: Thank you.

Rachel Salaman: The name of Emma's book again is, "The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success," and you can find out more about her and her work at www.emmaseppala.com.

I'll be back in a few weeks with another Expert Interview. Until then, goodbye.