The Customer Service Survival Kit: What to Say to Defuse Even the Worst Customer Situations

Gallagher is well placed to lead us through the complex maze of customer service situations. He's a former customer support executive, a practicing psychotherapist, and a communications specialist. He's also the author of the bestseller, "The Entrepreneur Equation," and has trained over 20,000 people in customer service excellence and communication skills, in his workshops.

So, keep listening to find out why making people feel heard is the key to customer service, how embracing criticism can make your angry customers happy, and which common phrases we should really stop using.

The book is divided into 20 chapters, spread across four parts. Part One focuses on understanding difficult situations. Part Two looks at the tools you can use to manage a customer crisis. Part Three is a step-by-step walk through some of the most common, and challenging, customer situations. And Part Four shows us how to stay safe when working with customers. It also looks at other ways to apply the techniques in the book.

Gallagher kicks off by reminding us that virtually everyone has experienced a difficult customer. These vary in severity, from someone speaking to you in a rude tone, to a frank outpouring of verbal abuse. These altercations can lead to pretty extreme consequences, such as lawsuits or physical threats.

He points out that while uncomfortable, these situations are also great learning tools. In fact, it's useful to have in mind a couple of scenarios that you've faced yourself, when you're reading this section. Then you can think about how Gallagher's techniques would help you to approach them differently, should the same situation arise. But don't worry if you don't have a personal experience to call on. The author offers plenty of examples.

This section shows us how important it is to get customer service right when trouble flares up – especially in our social media-dominated world. But Gallagher stresses that great customer service and clear communication shouldn't be reserved for dealing with complaints. It should be the standard approach to working with all customers, all the time, right from the very start.

This is a nice reminder that you can actually prevent complaints, by using a core principle of the book: treat people as humans.

Part Two outlines several strategies for doing this. Here, Gallagher looks at how you can actively help customers move past their anger, and into a space where you can help them with their problem. As he points out several times, no one benefits from an angry customer.

One of the key ideas in the book is that most customers have one main goal in mind, which is to be heard. Very few people complain just because they're hoping for a big payout, or free stuff. Rather, they make a fuss because they feel upset, and they want someone to listen. They may also be seeking redress, of course, but your starting point should be to make them feel heard.

Gallagher points out that this simple response can turn around a potentially disastrous customer service situation, so the issue of expensive consequences, such as compensation or legal action, doesn't even arise.

Here's an example from the book. A customer's rental car breaks down, which means she misses a family wedding. She's understandably furious and complains to the car rental company. A typical response might be, "I'm sorry, but we aren't responsible for any consequential damages."

You probably wouldn't feel very happy after hearing that. You might demand to speak to a manager, and silently vow to make the company pay.

Compare that with Gallagher's suggestion, which is to say, "Of course you're furious. You missed an important event. Tell me what happened."

The second response sounds far more sincere and invites the customer to share her experience. It makes her feel heard. After she's shared her experience, she may well see things differently. Was it really the rental firm's fault that she missed the wedding? Perhaps it was just a stroke of really bad luck.

A lot of people assume that in order to acknowledge a customer's complaint or point of view like this, you have to agree with it. But Gallagher says this isn't true. He shows us how to acknowledge a customer's gripe without admitting any liability, or even agreeing to do anything about it.

One of his most powerful tips is to lean into criticism. Most of us automatically become defensive when we hear criticism. But Gallagher says we can set a more positive tone with customers if we acknowledge the criticism instead. We can even repeat it back to them with gusto, to show that we really did hear what they said.

This subtly derails customers' focus. They're usually prepared for a fight. When they don't get one, you force them to reconsider their next moves. And it gives you, the customer service rep, a chance to gather your own thoughts, too.

In the next chapter, Gallagher looks at other ways to acknowledge your customers' complaints, and make them feel heard. This includes techniques such as paraphrasing, observation, validation, and identification. You can use each of these approaches to show empathy, so customers know you're really listening to what they have to say.

What does this look like in practice? Well, the author offers practical examples throughout the book, to show how to use each of the techniques effectively. And this is one of the main strengths of the book.

For example, he offers simple phrases you can use to identify with a customer, including, "That would bother me, too," and, "If I were in that situation, I'd react the same way." He also suggests phrases that convey validation, observation and paraphrasing.

To cement the learning, each chapter ends with an imaginary scenario, and encourages you to fill in your own responses. This is an excellent way to help readers think about, and apply, the techniques discussed. It turns reading the book into a practical learning experience. And, if you want to know how you're doing, you'll find Gallagher's own responses to these scenarios at the back of the book. This is a really helpful addition.

Gallagher doesn't just explore what you should say to irate customers to calm them down. In Chapter Four, he looks at what you really shouldn't say – what he calls "trigger phrases." These are some of the most commonly used phrases in customer service, but he says they often do more harm than good.

For example, he believes that "I understand" is one of the most frustrating phrases to hear when you have a complaint. This sounds like empathy, right? And we're supposed to be empathic. But Gallagher points out that people often trot out this phrase automatically, and it comes across as insincere.

The same basic premise is true for other trigger phrases, such as telling people not to worry, giving them orders, or telling them that everything is OK. These are all phrases we use when we either don't know what to say, or we're trying to pacify a customer. But all they do is tell customers that you don't really care about their problems.

As with many of the techniques in the book, once Gallagher explains something, it becomes blindingly obvious. A lot of the trigger phrases he discusses are very common in our everyday conversations, but we don't usually think about the messages they convey. This tip alone could make your interactions with customers, or anyone else for that matter, far more pleasant.

Once you have the basics down, and you're confident that you're making someone feel heard, you can move on to resolving the issue at hand. This could involve delivering bad news in a sensitive and helpful way, or solving difficult problems.

Gallagher addresses both of these things, as well as explaining how to stop an angry outburst before it begins, and how to end customer interactions on a good note.

In Part Three, he covers some specific customer situations, and how you might approach them. These include dealing with a customer who says, "Don't you know who I am?" through to managing a social media backlash. It's a good showcase for the advice he offers throughout the book.

For example, what should you do when a customer threatens to sue – one of the scariest things to hear as a customer service rep? Gallagher says that, first up, you need to avoid the urge to defend yourself. Let the customer have his or her say. This might be enough to cool down the situation.

If not, explore possible solutions, and focus on problem solving. You don't need to admit fault, but if a customer has a serious and legitimate gripe, anything you can do to build goodwill will likely be appreciated.

And finally, Gallagher recommends framing your response to highlight the benefits of your solution to the customer. By talking about how your actions will help him, rather than you, your customer will feel heard and supported. This, as we now know, is goal number one.

In Part Four, Gallagher looks at how to stay safe when working with customers, which includes trusting your gut, having backup available, and knowing where your escape routes are.

This final section also explores how to use the principles of customer service to create a customer service culture, manage internal conflict, and improve communication in your organization and your personal life.

It's great to hear about the wider applications of Gallagher's advice. After all, dealing with complaints and difficult situations well is a handy skill in all areas of our lives.

So, what's our last word on "The Customer Service Survival Kit"?

Overall, we found the book to be very insightful. It's well paced and covers everything you'd want to know about how to deal with customer queries effectively, and why certain approaches work well and others don't.

The information is broken down into sensible chunks which aren't dependent on one another, so you can easily dip in and out of the book.

That said, we'd recommend reading the book in its entirety to get the most benefit. Gallagher offers a structured approach to managing challenging customers, so learning about the techniques in sequence will likely be most effective.

One gripe is that he repeats some of his points quite frequently – for example, that desire for customers to be heard. It's a valid point, and important one, which may be why it's repeated so often. But, depending on your personal taste, the repetition could become annoying.

On the plus side, we appreciate that Gallagher doesn't condemn people who use trigger phrases, or who struggle to say the right thing. People dealing with customer complaints are, on the whole, trying their best to help. They want to solve their customers' problems, and to make them feel better, but they may not have the tools to do it. Or, they worry about getting themselves into trouble by saying the wrong thing.

The book's approach is reassuring, and is a refreshing change from others that like to point out what you're doing wrong.

And Gallagher is not shy in admitting that some customers are just plain difficult, or trying to play the system. He openly acknowledges that some people feel entitled, or are complaining just to get something out of your organization. Dealing with these people needs a slightly different tack. His advice is to master the art of non-reaction, which is effective, but definitely takes some practice to get right.

You can tell that Gallagher really understands the subject, and not just in a theoretical way. This adds power to his advice.

He writes openly about some very difficult situations from his past, and uses real-life experiences – his own and others' – to illustrate his best tips. He even draws on the experiences of crisis counselors, hostage negotiators, and police officers. These examples drive home the point that success depends on understanding people and communicating openly and honestly, no matter what the situation.

This book is written in such a way that you regularly change perspectives while reading. One moment you're viewing the world as a customer service rep. The next, you see everything through the lens of the customer. Being able to see the situation from both sides is a useful skill to develop, no matter what you do.

Another plus is how the advice applies to so many different situations. Clearly, the focus of the book is customer service. But once you read it, you begin to notice poor communication wherever you look – and with it, plenty of opportunities to practice Gallagher's techniques.

"The Customer Service Survival Kit: What to Say to Defuse Even the Worst Customer Situations," by Richard S. Gallagher is published by AMACOM.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.