Never Lose Again: Become a Top Negotiator by Asking the Right Questions

Little wonder those of us who don't negotiate for a living often flounder when we come up against trained professionals.

But the good news is negotiating is a skill that, like many others, can be learned. And that's where this book comes in.

"Never Lose Again," subtitled "Become a Top Negotiator by Asking the Right Questions," is a concise, easy-to-read manual on how to get a better deal for you, your family or your business.

It consists of 50 questions that'll help you negotiate in a variety of contexts. Each question is designed to put you in the driving seat in any negotiation: to help you spot the potential pitfalls, play to your strengths, discover your opponent's weaknesses, come out on top or find a mutually beneficial solution. And each question is accompanied by real-life examples of the technique in action.

So who's this book for? Well, as you heard earlier, negotiating is part of everyday life, and is even more essential when economic times are tough. This book is for anyone who has to negotiate deals – from signing up a household cable TV provider to closing multi-million dollar business contracts.

And who better to teach us how to negotiate than two experienced attorneys with a proven track record in the field?

Babitsky worked as a personal injury lawyer for 20 years and is a former managing partner in a law firm. In 1980, he founded SEAK Inc. – a training, consulting, and education firm that specializes in coaching expert witnesses, physicians, and attorneys – among other professionals.

Mangraviti worked as a litigator in Boston before joining SEAK in 1996. He's managing partner in the firm and is an experienced trainer, consultant, and author.

"Never Lose Again" is the latest in a series of books co-authored by Babitsky and Mangraviti. It draws on their experiences of training thousands of professionals across the United States.

So keep listening to learn how to start a negotiation on the front foot, how knowing what motivates the other party can work in your favor, and how taking the negotiation off the record can help break a deadlock.

Negotiating is all about asking the right questions and in the right way. It's also about knowing how to answer them, if you're on the receiving end.

The 50 questions contained in the book are organized into ten categories, so you know what to ask and when. You'll find questions to open a negotiation, to break an impasse, to get a win-win outcome, to get the right price or to close a deal.

Each question is followed by a number of examples from the authors' professional or personal lives or the lives of friends or colleagues, which bring the theory to life. Then there's a summary of the question or lesson, and a tip on how to answer the same question if it's posed to you.

This gives the book a very formulaic structure, making it a quick and easy read. It's also one of those books you can pick up and put down again or use as a reference guide without having to read all the way through. If you're looking for a book with more of a narrative, though, "Never Lose Again" probably isn't for you.

So what makes this book different from all the others out there on a similar theme? Well, we'd say its main strength is its practical nature, along with the fact that all of the questions have been tried and tested by the authors in lots of situations.

With 50 questions, though, it's not surprising that some of them will seem simplistic or rather obvious. Asking to speak to a superior when you're not getting what you need, offering to pay in cash to get the price down or threatening to take your business elsewhere may be common practice.

That said, it's good to be reminded of these highly effective bargaining tools and read how the authors put them into practice. Other questions or techniques in the book will be less familiar.

So, let's have a look at one of the questions from the section called "Opening Moves."

"Can you shoot me an email before the meeting with your issues, goals, and concerns so I can prepare?"

Now, that sounds harmless enough but this kind of question can prompt the other party to release information that will put you in the driving seat ahead of a face-to-face negotiation. The informal nature of the request may prompt the recipient to disclose more details than they would have done in a contract or proposal.

The question can also help save time and energy. It may be immediately clear from the response to this email that you don't want to work with the other party or that you can't meet their needs.

Now, at this point, it's worth noting that the language in this book may not be to everyone's taste. The authors talk about "stealth information gathering," asking "innocent" questions that prompt the recipient to "leak" information you can use to get a higher fee for your work. They talk about "stroking the ego" of the other party and using "fear, greed, and flattery" to your advantage. Some readers may feel this approach blurs ethical boundaries.

But even if you're not interested in employing underhand techniques yourself, it's useful to know that some people do adopt this approach. Being aware of how some negotiators think may put you in a stronger position to resist their attempts to manipulate you.

Having sounded that note of caution, let's look at how asking another party to send an email with their goals for a meeting worked in the authors' favor. In one example, a company executive named Charlie emailed the authors,

requesting a meeting to discuss working together. The authors asked Charlie to email back with his goals for the meeting.

Charlie said he wanted access to the authors' contacts and email list so he could sell his company's products to them, promising to make a lot of money for both firms. Immediately, the authors knew the meeting would be a waste of time. They don't share their customer list with anyone. So they politely declined the meeting.

On another occasion, a lawyer they call Robert wrote to the authors requesting a meeting, also to discuss working together. From his resume and cover letter, Robert appeared to be someone the authors would definitely want to hire, but they suspected he'd be too expensive for them. They agreed to meet him anyway but asked him to shoot them an email with his goals ahead of the meeting.

He wrote back saying he was going stir-crazy in retirement and was looking to get out of the house and challenge his brain a few days a week. He said he was impressed by the authors' firm. From this, the authors got an idea Robert wasn't looking to get long-time work and that money wasn't an issue for him. They met up and were able to hire him on a contract basis for a fee that suited both parties.

The authors point out that knowledge in a negotiation is power, and the more information you have, the stronger position you're in to strike a favorable deal.

Let's now move to the next stage of the negotiation process and take a look at one of the authors' questions from the category they call "The Right Price."

When negotiating, don't assume you know what the other party wants out of the deal. They may want more money, but they may also want respect, recognition, long-term relationships, publicity, fame, to be liked or to help others.

So, how about asking: "Do you want to be rich or famous?"

Now this might seem like an odd question and obviously the tone is colloquial so you have to gage the situation. But this kind of question is a simple, direct, friendly, and good-humored way to get the other party to talk about their needs, interests and wants.

Meeting the nonmonetary needs of staff and collaborators has saved the authors hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years.

For example, a few years ago, they were co-authoring a complex, medical legal textbook and wanted a physician to read and review it, to check for technical or scientific errors. They found a physician they wanted to work with. The problem was his experience and track record meant he could easily charge $500 an hour for his work. Given the size of the book, they could end up paying him $50,000.

They sent him the book anyway, but instead of asking him how much he'd charge, they asked: "Do you want to be rich or famous?" The physician said he wasn't interested in money, that he really liked the book and thought he could make it better. What he really wanted was to be co-author. He wanted to raise his academic profile and the book would help him do that.

The negotiation resulted in a win-win outcome. The physician got what he wanted and the authors received a fully reviewed manuscript, done to an excellent standard as their reviewer was now co-author. Having the physician's name on the cover also gave the book authority, helping it with marketing.

But what if the answer to that question is, "I want to be rich." The authors have another case study for how they dealt with this answer. They once asked an expert to speak at one of their conferences. But when he heard there'd be no fee, he was reluctant to do so. The authors asked him the same question: "Do you want to be rich or famous?" He answered "rich."

After getting that answer, the authors understood where the expert's priorities lay, so they could tailor what they said to him. They explained that they sent out one million pieces of direct mail for their conferences each year. His picture would appear in a brochure with his bio and contact information. The authors said his profile would likely increase dramatically, that he'd probably gain national recognition and lucrative consulting opportunities. The expert decided the best way to get rich was to speak at the conference for no fee.

You can also vary this question depending on the situation. Let's say you're buying a house. Remember, getting the highest price may not be the seller's primary concern. They may want a faster deal or the knowledge that the buyer's financing is in place. Asking a seller's agent whether the seller wants top dollar or a quick, smooth and certain transaction could yield information you could use in your favor.

Moving further along in the process, imagine you've been negotiating for a while and have reached a deadlock. There are eight questions in this section to help you break an impasse. One of these is, "Would you like to go off the record here?"

Journalists and politicians frequently go "off the record" in their discussions, allowing both parties to relax and speak freely in the knowledge their comments will go no further – provided both parties respect the agreement!

A similar strategy can be used in business negotiations. Both parties put down their notebooks and pens, sit back, relax and try to find the middle ground, often softening their entrenched positions. This enables you to test the water with suggestions – what the authors call "trial balloons" – and helps create an atmosphere of bonding. If both parties are negotiating on behalf of a superior, it encourages a sense of "us against them," uniting them against their demanding bosses.

Finally, remember that with any question, it's not so much what you ask but how you ask it. Take a question from the "Closers" section of the book: "Does my proposal work for you?" This is a polite and gentle way of prompting the other party to agree to your terms without negotiating at all. You're requesting a "yes" or "no" answer. Even if the answer comes back "no," you haven't painted yourself into a corner in the same way as if you'd said, "Take it or leave it."

Notice the difference between this question, "Does my proposal work for you?" and: "What do you think about my proposal?" That latter question is open-ended, inviting criticisms and requests for concessions. It also gives the impression of a weak position since you're signaling you're flexible and willing to budge.

This and other questions in the book are techniques the authors learned practicing cross-examination in the courtroom over many years – techniques they've since sharpened in their own business dealings and in countless hours of training expert witnesses and other professionals through their company SEAK. You'll end up feeling that you're in safe hands.

One last tip: if you do find yourself balking at some of the language in the book, we'd say hang in there and keep reading. Most of the tips are perfectly ethical – only a few tread the line. And if you don't think some of them are fair, you don't need to adopt those particular techniques yourself. Knowing how other people use them, though, could be very useful in your next negotiation.

"Never Lose Again," by Steven Babitsky and James Mangraviti Junior, is published by Thomas Dunne books, an imprint of St. Martin's Press.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.