Strategic Connections: The New Face of Networking in a Collaborative World

At heart, networking helps you build connections so you can collaborate with others. And your network is more than just a list of email addresses and Facebook friends. Being able to reach out electronically is useful, but it's never going to replace the trust and collaboration you find with strong, face-to-face relationships. These are the kinds of relationships you learn how to build in "Strategic Connections."

The book is divided into nine chapters, and the authors cover a lot in each one. Their approach to networking is based on an eight-step process for creating more strategic connections, so you don't waste time or opportunities. You'll learn how to develop authentic, trusting relationships, how to deepen your interactions, and how to create value for others, among lots of other things.

Anne Baber and Lynne Waymon are the co-founders of Contacts Count, an international training firm specializing in face-to-face networking. André Alphonso manages Contacts Count in Australia and India. Jim Wylde is a principle consultant and certified trainer with the firm.

So, keep listening to find out how to overcome the fear of talking to strangers, how to successfully navigate a networking event, and how to develop trust during your conversations with others.

As you heard earlier, the authors present an eight-step process that shows you how to become a better networker. Let's look at some of these steps, starting with the first one, "Commit to a New Networker Identity."

There are a lot of misconceptions about networking, and these beliefs can really hold you back from doing it well. The authors start the book by looking at what networking isn't.

For example, it isn't just a sales technique. Some people believe that, because they're not in sales, they don't need to network. This is a mistake. Your network can be a valuable asset for you, and your organization, no matter what you do. Nurturing your contacts can open a lot of doors in your career.

Another common misconception about networking is that, if you're even a little bit introverted, you're not going to be good at it.

It's true that introverts can find social interactions draining. But introverts are also great at planning and listening. You can use these strengths to your advantage when you're building relationships, and become a great networker. And in case you're wondering, you learn how to do this in the book.

So, networking doesn't have to be something you do just for yourself. You don't have to be a Type-A personality to do it well. And, you don't need to be manipulative or phony to forge new contacts.

You can define what networking is in a lot of different ways, but we'll use the authors' definition. According to them, networking is the deliberate and discretionary process of creating, cultivating and capitalizing on trust-based, mutually beneficial relationships for individual and organizational success.

We like this definition because it sets the tone for the entire book. Networking isn't one-sided, and we think that's important to keep in mind. The authors stress that this is a mutually beneficial relationship. And if you can approach networking with that mindset, you're already well on your way to feeling more comfortable doing this.

The authors repeat this point a lot in the first step, because they want you to change how you think about networking. But even when you know that you're connecting with others so you can help them too, it can still feel a little bit scary.

One way to overcome this is to really look at why you feel apprehensive about talking to people you don't know. Ask yourself, "What's the worst that can happen?"

Another way to get over your fear of networking is to silence your inner critic. You know, that voice in your head that reminds you that you never remember people's names, and that you're not interesting enough to be at this event anyway.

We all have an inner critic, and the authors suggest we turn it into a coach. Come up with some phrases that remind you why networking is valuable. For instance, instead of thinking, "I hate going to these events," think, "This is going to be really interesting." It's a simple shift in perspective, but it can transform your attitude about what you're doing and give you more confidence.

Before you go into a networking event, you need a strategy, and this is Step Two in the authors' eight-step process.

Stop and think about how you talk to people you don't know well. A lot of times, it's just small talk. You may discuss generalities and bat around neutral comments to pass the time. When you look back on the conversation, you realize you didn't talk about anything substantial, and you didn't make any kind of real connection with the other person.

This is why you need to think about what you're going to talk about before you go to a networking event. This approach just makes sense. You plan what you're going to wear, and you plan how you're going to get to the venue. It's even more important to plan what you're going to say.

The authors call this your Networking Agenda. It's a mental list compiled in two categories: what you have to give, and what you want to get.

The most important of these two is what you have to give, and this is where you should start. What do you have to give others?

Think about your interests, accomplishments, skills, enthusiasm, and resources. What are you truly excited about? Things that make you feel excited are great conversational topics. They're also doorways to what you can offer other people. When the conversation starts to lag, bring up something on your Give list.

You also need to think about what you want to learn, create or understand. This is your Get list.

To figure out what you'd like to get, look at your life. What problems are you trying to solve? What opportunities do you want to investigate? What are some of your upcoming challenges?

Write these things down, and then spend some time thinking about how each one of these could be a conversation starter.

Here's a good example from the book. Alan is a supply chain manager who's just moved to San Francisco. Some of the things on his Get list are: a buyer for his condo in Boston, a great restaurant to take business guests to in Sydney next month, speakers for his annual vendors' conference, and an easy way to practice his Spanish.

Any one of these would make a good conversation starter. Your Give and your Get lists should have a good mix of professional and personal topics.

There's a lot of really good information in this chapter about creating a strategy for your networking. One tip that stands out has to do with ChoicePoints. ChoicePoints are the opportunities to reach out and connect with someone else that you might normally pass by.

One common ChoicePoint is when you're standing in line waiting to enter the dining room at a conference. Imagine how you could take advantage of this situation and get to know the person in front or behind you. What might happen if you did this?

The authors guide you through several of these ChoicePoints, and offer some valuable tips to help you prepare for these opportunities. You also learn how to make the most of your memberships of organizations, and which groups you could join in order to network better. And there's a useful checklist that you can use to vet any group you're thinking about joining so you don't waste your time.

Another chapter we really like is about developing trusting relationships. This is step four in the authors' eight-step process for becoming a better networker.

Here's a question. Have you ever been at a networking event when someone came up to you, quickly introduced himself, and then tried to sell you something?

This probably made you cringe. You're not going to do business with this person because you just met them. And, you don't trust them. But many people make this mistake all the time when they're networking.

Relationships can't develop without trust. And networking is all about building and maintaining good relationships. So building trust is really important.

According to the authors' research, it takes six to eight conversations to prove you can be trusted, and to decide if you can trust the other person. In these conversations, you need to do two things: show people your character, and show them your competence.

How can you convey your character in these encounters? Well, you can always keep your word. Treat everyone you meet fairly. Be completely reliable. When something goes wrong, make it right and compensate generously for your mistake.

To convey your competence to other people, tell them what you've been doing and how you've handled various situations. You'll need to stay at the leading edge of your profession, so you have a solid track record to back up your claims of competence. Be a lifelong learner. Write for publications or speak in public. Do the job right the first time. Teach or mentor others.

Another suggestion for building trusting relationships is to renew dormant ties. The authors cite some interesting research that proves how valuable this can be.

Professors Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter and Keith Murnighan published an article in the Spring, 2011 issue of MIT Sloan Management Review. The article was titled, "The Power of Reconnection: How Dormant Ties can Surprise You."

The professors asked 200 executives to contact dormant ties, that is, people they hadn't talked to in three years or more. They asked them to get advice on a work project. All the executives had to ask the same questions. And what the professors found after the study finished is really surprising.

They discovered that these long-lost contacts gave more information than the executives' current contacts, who were likely to have the same information and viewpoints. Reconnecting with these people was also easier, because the executives weren't starting from scratch. The trust they built up years ago was still in place.

You can do this in your own life. Think about people you know personally or professionally who you've lost contact with. Make a list, and then choose the five you remember most fondly or clearly. Contact them, and invite them out to lunch. You might be surprised at the opportunities that open up.

So, what's our last word on "Strategic Connections?"

This is one of those books that has something useful on every page. The book is full of valuable tips and ideas that can really change how you think about networking, and reinforce why it's so important.

The authors cover a lot of ground in this book and, even if you're a savvy networker, you're going to learn something new. There's some great information on how to remember people's names, and how to introduce others in a way that creates interest and jump-starts a conversation.

We also like that the authors make all this information really easy to find. They use plenty of boxes to highlight important stories and ideas, and do a good job of organizing the information with sub-headings and bullet points to make reading – and skimming – easier.

We can't find anything to criticize here. The authors crammed this book full of useful strategies and tips, and they keep you interested with great examples and case studies. Even if you've been networking for decades, you're going to learn a new trick or two, so the book is well worth your time to read.

"Strategic Connections," by Anne Baber, Lynne Waymon, André Alphonso, and Jim Wylde, is published by AMACOM.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.