Choosing Courage: The Everyday Guide to Being Brave at Work

So, what's the deciding factor? What differentiates the person who takes action and risks their career from the person who says nothing and lets malpractice, sexism, bullying, or other forms of injustice continue?

The answer, according to this book, is courage. Courage isn't something we're born with, the author argues. Rather, we develop it through practice. The more we act courageously, the easier it will be to take brave steps next time.

This book shows us how to exercise our courage muscle, inspiring us with the stories of others – from high-profile whistleblowers to everyday office workers. It also shows us how to choose the right time to speak up, and how to protect ourselves against any negative repercussions. It's both a practical guide, packed with useful advice, and a call to action.

Many of us would like more courage, at work and in our personal lives, so this book has a broad appeal. It's especially suited to professionals who regularly face situations that require them to dig deep and do the right thing, regardless of the risks. And it's a must read for leaders and managers. More generally, it's for anyone who wants to have a bigger impact and is looking for motivation to step up, be seen, and be heard.

Author Jim Detert is an expert on courage. He's the John L. Colley Professor of Business Administration at the University of Virginia's Darden School of Business. His research focuses on workplace bravery – why people speak up or stay quiet – as well as ethical decision-making and other leadership challenges. In "Choosing Courage," Detert shares anecdotes he's collected from thousands of people, along with the opinions of other prominent authors and experts.

So keep listening to learn how to plan your next courageous action, how to create the right conditions for your bold step to have impact, and how to manage fear and anger, so they don't hijack your brave move.

Detert begins by looking at why courage is in such short supply. We are biologically programmed to avoid risks – to avoid harming ourselves or those close to us. Playing it safe often means hiding and retreating, rather than standing up in risky situations.

These instincts are often reinforced as we go through life and enter the workplace, he says. Perhaps we see people getting ahead by taking the easy way out. For example, cheating rather than being honest, siding with bullies rather than standing up to them, or flattering bosses instead of telling them the truth.

On top of this, there's our natural desire to be liked, and to avoid angering others. Many of us have good reason to be risk averse, especially at work. We may have mortgages to pay and families to support. What if we get fired? We can't afford for that to happen.

Yet despite everything we're up against, it's crucial to stand up for what is right, Detert says. Because when we do, we inspire others to do the same, and our actions can have a positive impact on people, organizations, and ultimately, the world.

If choosing courage over fear is both vitally important and hugely challenging, we're going to need as much motivation and inspiration as we can get. This book offers both, with examples of people who put their careers on the line to speak out against unfairness, including misogyny and racism, and against bad or illegal business practices, such as improper accounting and fraud.

Detert also explores how bad things can get when we don't take a stand. He cites the fraud scandal at U.S. bank Wells Fargo, where branch workers and account managers, under pressure from above, created several million accounts without their customers' permission – and charged people for insurance they didn't need, leading to billions of dollars in fines.

The good news is courageous actions don't have to make the headlines – they can come in all shapes and sizes, and we can begin with the smallest of steps.

So, let's look at Detert's advice on how to start developing our courage at work. When we begin to face our fears and act bravely, we grow in confidence. It's like working out at the gym, gradually building up our biceps, repetition by repetition. To get into the habit of being courageous, Detert suggests we create a Courage Ladder.

We start by drawing a picture of a ladder on paper. Next, we write down some actions next to each rung of the ladder. On the bottom rungs, we write things that feel a bit risky but are within our reach – steps we feel able to take right away.

For example, one person might write, "Speak to Karen about arriving late to work." While another might jot down, "Put forward a proposal at the board meeting next week." Remember, this is an individual courage ladder and what one person finds scary, another might find easy.

We then fill in the rest of the ladder, noting down actions that we find increasingly challenging as we reach the higher rungs. At the top of the ladder, we might write, "Confront boss about inappropriate language." Or, "Ask manager for a month off work to avoid burnout."

The next step is to score each action according to its level of difficulty. This will confirm we have the actions in the right order and are able to get started right away. Detert suggests we use a scale designed by psychiatrist Joseph Strayhorn, rating each action from one to ten in terms of "subjective units of distress," known as the "SUD score."

We may rate the actions at the bottom of the ladder at two or three, and those higher up at seven or nine. As we take actions and move up the ladder, we may find we're ready to lower the scores of the more challenging actions, because we're steadily becoming better at being courageous.

We like this tool because it's practical and easy to use. It motivates us to act, but in bite-sized, manageable steps. The key is to get comfortable with discomfort little by little, while avoiding overwhelm, Detert says. And there are good reasons to get started immediately, because taking small steps now reduces the chance that we'll have to take bigger actions further down the line. When we procrastinate, our fear also grows.

We now have both motivation and a roadmap for action, thanks to our courage ladder. Now it's time to create the right conditions for our brave move so it doesn't backfire on us.

Detert's first tip here relates to our identity at work. Do we have a good reputation? Do our colleagues trust us? Do people believe in us and our capabilities? How much influence do we have? In short, do we exude warmth and are we seen as competent?

These are good questions to ask before we raise difficult issues or rock the boat, and they're a reminder to keep building strong relationships at work. Of course, it takes time to build our reputation and sometimes we don't have time, so the author also includes ideas for making positive first impressions.

Another way to support ourselves to take courageous action at work is to build a buffer in case the worst happens and we end up losing our job. This could be in the form of a financial cushion, good connections within our industry, an exceptional résumé, or an enviable skillset. It's wise to have a Plan B. Otherwise, we might feel like our hands are tied.

The author illustrates this point with the story of a woman called Lilly, whose boss frequently lashed out at her and her colleagues in anger. Senior management had given him warnings and sent him on courses, but nobody was willing to sack him.

Lilly decided enough was enough when her boss verbally attacked her and questioned her competence. Fortunately, she had worked hard and was considered a high-value employee. This meant that senior management listened to her concerns because they wanted to keep her within the company, knowing she'd easily find work elsewhere. It also meant that when they ultimately failed to fire her boss, she quickly found an equally good job with a much better manager.

Detert goes on to explore the importance of choosing the right time to speak up, picking our battles, enlisting the help of others, and skillfully delivering our message by understanding the other person's values, beliefs, preferences, and priorities.

We like this thorough, methodical approach, which is sure to improve the odds of getting the desired result when we make our bold move.

But even with the best planning, there's one thing that could undermine our chances of success: our volatile emotions. We're bound to sabotage our efforts if we allow fear or anger to get the better of us. So, let's look at how to manage our feelings before, during, and after difficult conversations.

Fear is one of the main reasons why people don't speak up at work. It can also hijack us mid-conversation, causing us to freeze, flee, give up, or give in. Anger, on the other hand, can motivate us to stand up for what's right, but if we don't manage our anger, we may say something we regret. We may speak aggressively or push things too far, putting the other person on the defensive.

Detert offers some useful tips to help us manage our emotions. One of his suggestions draws on cognitive behavioral therapy and involves reframing negative experiences.

Imagine you've spent weeks preparing a proposal for your boss. But when you present it to her, she barely looks at it. It isn't the right time, she says, and moves on to the next topic on the agenda.

You feel angry, hurt, and rejected. You return to your desk and schedule a one-to-one with her, determined to try again, all the while fueling your anger with black-and-white statements, generalizations, and catastrophic thinking. You mutter phrases like, "She always does this," "She never listens to me," or "My proposal is doomed because of her," gradually becoming more irate. By the time you meet your boss again, you're fuming. Needless to say, this approach will likely backfire.

Alternatively, we can tell ourselves a different story, using statements like, "My boss often reacts like this initially but then they soften and think again." Or, "It would be disappointing if they aren't ready for my proposal right now, but there'll be another time." As we change our tone and our language, we soothe our nervous system and can think more clearly. With a level head, we can then decide whether to pursue the matter now or wait. If we do speak to our boss again feeling rational and calm, we'll stand a better chance of getting somewhere.

The author shares another tip from his personal toolbox that we especially like. When dealing with hot topics, Detert keeps his email responses in his drafts folder for an hour before hitting the send button. This allows for a cooling-off period, during which he may decide to modify his language.

When speaking face-to-face, it's wise to rehearse what we're going to say – and not just mentally or in the mirror. Ideally, we'll role play the conversation with others. In fact, Detert and two colleagues have created an experimental leadership development lab at the University of Virginia's Darden School of Business, where actors help people practice difficult conversations.

There are many more tools and strategies in this book to help readers grow their courage muscle, and you'll also find some excellent articles on Mind Tools about how to have tough conversations.

Are there any downsides to this book? Well, since Detert draws on the work of other authors and experts, some readers will be familiar with many of the strategies and tools in this book, and some are common sense. We also think there are too many anecdotes – many of the stories are powerful but others are unnecessary and break the flow of the book. Finally, Detert's writing is very U.S.-focused. He notes this at the start, and accepts that some of his advice may not work in certain cultures.

But overall, "Choosing Courage" is a great read with plenty of practical, actionable advice, alongside stories that will motivate readers to take brave steps, at any scale.

"Choosing Courage: The Everyday Guide to Being Brave at Work," by Jim Detert, is published by Harvard Business Review Press.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.