But I also worked with somebody who absolutely nailed it. There were times when they would say “yes” and would be very helpful. But they could also clearly and confidently say “no,” and explain why. And that always left me thinking, “Yeah, fair enough.”

So, how do you know when it’s OK to say “no”?

It’s important to recognize that there are times when you’re just not the best person for a task. I've taken things on when, really, I was the wrong person at the wrong time. Saying “yes” was bad for me, and it was bad for the person who asked me.

How easy or wise it is to say “no” can depend on your experience, and also the type of role or career that you’re in.

If you're a freelancer (which I’ve been in the past), it can be particularly hard to say “no.” So, early on in my career I would simply say “yes” to everything – to make contacts and to show off what I could do. And although there may be an advantage to saying “yes” at work, it can quickly lead you to becoming overloaded and burned out.

Of course, if you work somewhere like the ER or police force, where your action or inaction could have serious, even life or death consequences, there's a lot more jeopardy. If you say “no,” you need to be sure that someone else can step in. But there’s also danger in saying “yes” to something that you won’t be able to do well.

Consider the who and the why

Whatever job you do, before you jump in and say “yes” to every request that comes your way, take a minute to really consider who’s asking, and what they're asking you to do.

I’ve definitely gained more confidence to say “no” to people as I’ve progressed in my career. There’s a kind of a vulnerability in admitting you're not the best person to do something. But that doesn’t mean it’s a weakness: it's a sign that you know yourself, your job and your team, and that you can see who’s really the best person for the task.

I also think that, over time, you build up a bank of trust with your colleagues, which can make it much easier to say “no” if you need to.

Responsibility and regrets

Sometimes, the things that are asked of you might come with a lot of responsibility and pressure. Like being asked to lead on a big project, or to present something quite publicly. Saying “no” to these kinds of requests needs to be considered more carefully. On one hand, they might elevate you and increase your visibility at work, they could be good opportunities for progression. On the other, are you really prepared to do them – or would someone else be better equipped?

There's also something called the “sunk-cost fallacy” to consider. The more you put into something – whether it's time or investment – the harder it feels to pull out of it, even if you know, deep down, that it’s the right thing to do. You just can't bear to lose all that money and time you've put in. But sometimes you need to know when to cut your losses and respectfully withdraw.

That’s not to say that I don’t look back and think of things that I could have done... the “paths not taken.” I can think of a time when I had an opportunity to go and do some national radio broadcasting when I was working in local radio, for instance. For various reasons, and after a lot of thought, I decided to say “no.”

I think that job would probably have given me lots of exciting opportunities. But I've done plenty of other interesting things since then, and time spent pondering regrets is often time wasted.

Saying “no” can be good for your health

If I were to offer some more tips on saying “no,” thinking about your own wellbeing would be high up there. But you also have to balance that with the time you have available, your responsibilities, and your role within the team. How much should you think about yourself? How much should you help the person who’s asking you?

It’s important to take some time to think through the details and to weigh it all up so you can make a decision that’s right for everyone.

Consider the power dynamics of the situation as well. Try to work out whether you really have an option to say “no.” If it’s someone very senior... possibly not. Or, there may also be times when somebody asks you to do something and, after assessing things, you realize actually you are the best person for the task, and it is indeed your responsibility.

How to say “no” – the dos and don’ts

So, let's say you’ve done all that thinking, and you've decided the right thing to do is to say “no.” How do you go about it?

I think a little bit of negotiation, or meeting in the middle, can work. So you could say, “No, I don't have capacity for this at the moment, but here’s what I can do for you... .” Maybe you can recommend somebody else, or even agree to do a small part of it – but not the whole thing.

Clarity is important, too. There are times when I've come away from a conversation and, if I’m honest, I don’t think either of us knew whether I’d said “yes” or “no”!

So be assertive, but show empathy. I've seen this in action – times when the answer’s been “no,” but both parties have come away feeling understood and supported, with no hard feelings.

One more thing: don't say “yes” if you know you're going to say “no” shortly afterward. People have done that to me, and I'm sure I've done it, too. It can seem easier in the moment to say, “yes, that's fine,” and then backtrack. But it's a bit cowardly, isn't it?

Saying “no” assertively requires a change in habits

I don’t always follow my own advice, of course! At times I’m still prone to just saying “yes, absolutely, whatever you want, I'll get it done” even when I really shouldn’t.

But experience tells me that things go better when I take a moment to reflect, try not to worry about what people will think – and trust that, if anything, they’ll respect me more for making the right choice.

I’ve learned that you have to protect your own wellbeing, as well the other work you need to get done, because saying “yes” too often can have a negative impact on them both.

But by getting better at saying “yes” to the right things, you can also enjoy that wonderful sense of relief that comes when you can confidently and politely say “no."

What's Next?

Are you the people pleaser on your team? Do you find yourself always saying “yes,” even when you’re overloaded? Are you tired of taking on everyone else’s work but don’t know how to say “no”?

Fear not! Our video, “How to Say Yes to the Person, No to the Task” explores some simple but effective strategies on how you can say “no” professionally and politely. You might also benefit from setting some clear boundaries to protect your own time and to avoid burnout!

If it’s confidence that’s holding you back from saying “no,” we’ve got some great confidence hacks that will help you to become more assertive, self-assured and successful.

Tip of the Week

Spell It Out!

By Lucy Bishop, Mind Tools Senior Editor

There’s no doubt about it, we all love an abbreviation or acronym... LOL, FOMO, OMG, NYOB. But, at work, they can cause frustration, annoyance and lots of confusion.

Acronyms, initialisms or abbreviations are like roadbumps in a sentence. They can muddy meaning, complicate something that ought to be straightforward and, often, leave people feeling irritated and even excluded.

The answer: simple really... stop using abbreviations so much! Consider spelling or saying the phrase in full, at least in the first instance, so everyone understands from the beginning. If you work in an organization or industry that uses lots of abbreviations, put together a key or glossary of terms. Yes, it might take up a few more seconds of your time to spell things out in full, but your meaning will be clearer and it will save frustration further down the line.

Weekly Roundup

Current Workplace Trends

Should worker office attendance be tied to performance?

As we discussed in last week's newsletter, many businesses are switching back from fully virtual working to hybrid or even fully office-based. The aim: to improve creativity and collaboration. But the move is not without its challenges, particularly for those who are out of practice doing the daily commute and meeting with colleagues face-to-face.

Now, some employers are combining "stick and carrot" by linking physical presence with discipline and reward. The press reports that both Google and JPMorgan recently told staff that office attendance will now be factored into performance evaluations. As have Meta and Amazon, both of which said they would begin monitoring badge swipes and that there would be consequences for people who do not meet attendance requirements – including job loss.

As Google’s people officer Fiona Cicconi, explained in a recent email to employees “There’s just no substitute for coming together in person.” Meanwhile, JPMorgan, which has requested that its managing directors work from the office five days a week, explained that, “They have to be visible on the floor, they must meet with clients, they need to teach and advise, and they should always be accessible for... feedback... and meetings.”

Why are so many #CareerTok trends becoming gendered?

#CareerTok – TikTok's career and jobs-related community – has exploded in recent years, with many users exploring videos in search of negotiation, resumé and interview tips. But, it’s also been the source of several gender-themed workplace hashtag trends – from #lazygirljobs (jobs that require little effort but offer good salaries) to #girlmaths (the math needed to justify pricey outfit purchases) and #girldinners (thrown-together plates of whatever happens to be in the fridge).

Others include #corporategirlie and the original #girlboss.  

So why the sudden surge in girl-themed career hashtags? Is it a marketing ploy? Is it demeaning? Or is it simply a show of solidarity among women in the workplace?

According to TikTokker and self-styled anti-work girlboss, Gabrielle Judge, many of these trends are symptomatic of wider work trends that have been affecting people this year, such as quiet quitting and the search for careers that offer the right kind of work-life balance.

U.K. workers least likely to say work is important

According to a recent study into world and workplace values from Kings College London, which collected data from 24 countries, U.K. workers were the least likely to say work is important in their life and among the least likely to say work should always come first. In contrast, the countries that prioritized work the most were found to be the Philippines, Indonesia and Nigeria.

Generational attitudes to work were also found to have changed, particularly among Millennials, who have become much less likely to agree that work should always come first – with just 14 percent agreeing work should be the number one priority in 2023 compared with over 40 percent in 2009. However about half of their younger and older counterparts, Gens Z and X, disagreed, perhaps reflecting different needs or values in their lives.

We hope you enjoyed this new-style newsletter.

See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight  from the Mind Tools team!