What Every BODY Is Saying

The good news is that because you know she's uncomfortable, you can immediately approach her to find out why. You can diffuse the situation, and still turn things around. All because you had a heads up on her true feelings.

This is just one of the advantages to knowing how to read people's body language. FBI instructor and body language expert Joe Navarro shows us how in "What Every BODY Is Saying."

Joe Navarro has been an FBI special agent for more than twenty-five years. He's now an instructor and private consultant for the banking, law, and insurance industries. He's been featured on dozens of television programs, and is the author of several books on body language.

"What Every BODY Is Saying" is a book you won't want to put down. It's gripping from page one, and is so interesting that you'll want to finish it before heading into work the next day.

So, who should read this book?

Well, if you've ever been interested in knowing what your friends, family, and colleagues are really thinking or feeling, then you've got to pick up this book. Knowing how to read people's body language is incredibly helpful for all of us, because it's something we can use in any culture, anywhere, at any time.

And as the author shows us time after time, knowing how to read body language can even save our lives.

So, keep listening to find out what the most honest part of the body is, how you can use body language in your next meeting to show confidence or agreement, and why you should never sit with your hands in your lap.

The author starts out by telling us the ten commandments of non-verbal communication. It's a list of helpful dos and don'ts that we can all use, whether we decide to become masters of reading body language or not.

One important point the author brings up here is that most people look, but don't really see. To get an accurate picture of anyone, you must begin by making a concerted effort to be observant.

Another great tip on this list is that you first have to establish someone's baseline behavior before you can start reading them.

For instance, you may see a colleague standing with her arms folded across her chest. For many people, this is a gesture of anger. But if your colleague just happens to like standing this way, this is probably a gesture she makes all the time. Anger has nothing to do with it.

So, it's important to observe what the people around you do when they're feeling and acting normally. Then you'll know when they deviate from those behaviors.

The author also says that one non-verbal signal is never enough to deduce that someone is happy, or angry, or lying. He cautions us to look for multiple signals that all point in the same direction.

The other tips on this list help form a great foundation of guidelines we can use for reading the people around us.

In chapter two, the author explains why our body language always tells the truth. This is really helpful, because once you learn why your brain does these things, it's far easier to remember them in the future.

The author says it's our limbic brain that's responsible for all our non-verbal actions. The limbic brain is pure reflex, and operates without conscious thought. It's the limbic brain that helped our ancestors survive thousands of years ago.

The limbic brain is also responsible for the classic freeze, flight, or fight response. We see these reactions all the time in animals, but it's fascinating to see how often we humans also exhibit these responses in our everyday lives.

Most readers will enjoy getting an inside look at all these instinctual behaviors. It's here we learn why we pacify ourselves after a stressful situation, and how men and women pacify themselves differently.

The rest of the book is all about body language, and the author devotes each chapter to a different part of the body. He starts near the floor, with our legs and feet.

Now, most people think the face is the most vital part of the body, when it comes to reading what someone's thinking. But, the author says, this is absolutely not true.

What's the best part of the body for reading someone's emotions?

Surprisingly, it's our feet. The author says this is because we've all been taught how to lie with our faces. We smile when we want to cry, or nod yes when we're really thinking no. So, we're very adept at hiding our true feelings with our faces.

But most people never think about their feet. And, this is why it's such a gold mine of valuable information.

The author tells us to look for gravity-defying behavior when it comes to telling if someone is happy or excited.

For instance, picture a woman sitting on a chair with her legs crossed. As she talks to her children's nanny on her cell phone, her feet are still. But as soon as one of her children gets on the phone, her feet begin to bob up and down quickly with excitement.

She may not realize it, but her gravity-defying feet are showing everyone just how happy she is.

Feet can also tell us if someone really likes us.

For instance, if you walk up to two people talking and they swivel their hips towards you, but don't move their feet, this is a strong sign they'd rather be left alone.

If you'd like to learn what it means when someone clasps their knees, why we show comfort when we cross our legs, and why your boss is subconsciously dominating the room by the way he's sitting, then you'll want to get this book.

The author explores the torso in chapter four. He says that many people dismiss the torso, because it seems as if not a lot can happen here.

But, this is a mistake. Why? Well, the torso holds a lot of vital organs, so we naturally protect it, the author says. So when we're uncomfortable with someone, or feel threatened, we're going to lean back. We're going to put our torso as far away from danger as possible.

We also shield our torso with our arms, in some way, when we hear or see something we don't like. This is a subconscious way of moving our arms closer to the torso, to protect it.

The author gives a great tip in this chapter about business meetings. He says if you want to show someone you agree with them, when you're sitting in a meeting, lean towards them. This is a powerful, subconscious way of letting them know you're on their side.

The reason is that when you lean towards someone, you're exposing your torso, and all your vital organs, to that person. They could attack and kill you in seconds when you're exposed like that. At least, that's what our instincts tell us.

So, leaning towards someone is a universal sign of trust and acceptance, because we're essentially staking our life on the other person.

After this chapter you'll never look at your personal conversations in the same way again! If you have teenagers, you'll find this chapter particularly enlightening. The author gives us a fascinating look at how teenagers often disrespect their parents right under their noses. He explains what they're doing, why it needs to be stopped immediately, and what parents can do.

The body part the author covers next is the arms. He says that, like the torso, the arms are largely underappreciated when it comes to transmitting emotions.

When you think about it, though, we use our arms for everything. And thousands of years ago, our arms were crucial to our survival. We used them not only for hunting, but also for fighting and protection. So, our arms reveal our true emotions like a book.

One big clue the author mentions here is those gravity-defying movements we talked about with the feet. Every time our arms defy gravity, it's usually a sign of true happiness or excitement.

Now, stop and think about the last time you were in a business meeting. Chances are high that at least one person sat down and proceeded to spread out lots of papers and files on the table in front of them.

They might have even spread their stuff into the next person's table space, and then used their arms and elbows to stake their claim.

Well, the author says this is a common territorial display. The more space we take up, the more power we have.

So the next time you're in a meeting and you see someone taking up too much space, you'll know that they're trying to send a very powerful message.

The chapter on hands was one of our favorites. The information here was especially relevant for those of us working in the business world.

The author says that our minds are programmed to catch the slightest hand movements. Again, this is for our survival. So, our hands can send some very powerful messages.

Think of how you'd look at someone sitting in a meeting with their hands on their lap. What do you think? Meek? Untrustworthy?

If you want avoid suspicion and convey trust, keep your hands where people can see them.

Our hands can also give us away when we lack confidence. Women often touch their neck when they're feeling scared or unsure. The author calls this a pacifying gesture, and we make them after we've experienced a stressful situation.

In this chapter you'll also learn how to manage sweaty hands, why finger pointing is so offensive, and why you should never put your hands in your pockets and leave your thumbs hanging out.

You'll also learn gestures to make when you want to send a message of power and confidence. There's one hand gesture for this that we've all made before, but you might be surprised which one it is. It's all in the book.

Now we've worked up to the face. And, the author warns, this is where you can get in the most trouble. Why? Because humans are capable of making more than ten thousand facial expressions. It's very easy to mask our true feelings with our face.

However, there are plenty of subconscious things we do with our face that give us away.

For instance, if you see a client squinting at a contract you just handed him, take note. This is an immediate clue that he's struggling with a section, or he doesn't like what he's reading. And if his brow is furrowed, that's another big clue.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to tell if someone liked us, just by looking at their eyes? Well, the author teaches us how in this chapter.

The last main chapter is about how to use all these clues to detect deception. But, the author cautions us here that catching someone in a lie is incredibly difficult. Statistically, we're only right about fifty percent of the time. And yes, this includes police officers and special agents.

The author stresses again that no single behavior should ever be used to read someone. One common deception clue, like nail biting, might just be a regular bad habit for one person. So, the fact that they're biting their nails might have nothing to do with whether they're lying or not.

The author's advice is to use the lessons in "What Every BODY Is Saying" to get a good sense of what those around you are thinking and feeling. As you improve at reading non-verbal clues, you'll get better at knowing when someone is lying or not.

So, what's our final word on this book?

Well, the author's writing is compelling, and this is information that every single one of us can use to improve not only our work life, but our personal life as well.

The book is very easy to read, and the author has included plenty of pictures to help illustrate facial expressions and other body clues.

And in each chapter, there are plenty of little boxes that tell some pretty gripping stories from the author's work at the FBI, and as a private consultant.

You'll learn about how he saved one client over $13 million by observing his competitor during business negotiations. And, you'll also read several stories about criminals he's caught, thanks to their body language. Some of them are so incredible they would not be out of place in a book of fiction!

We whole-heartedly loved "What Every BODY Is Saying." It's interesting, relevant, and full of gripping personal tales that will keep you turning the pages.

"What Every BODY Is Saying," by Joe Navarro, is published by Harper Collins.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.