Unfortunately, everyone has bad days, and it can be easy to lash out when work is getting on top of you. That's why the best leaders always think before they speak. After all, as American author and businessman, Stephen Covey, said, "Leadership is a choice, not a position."

Managers are there to be supportive and encourage growth in their employees, through nurturing talent and building strengths, to everyone's advantage. But in recent years, employee engagement has been at an all-time low. What can managers do to improve the situation?

The following statistics show the problem with employee engagement and how good management has a part to play in fixing it:

• According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace: 2024 Report, a mere 23 percent of employees are engaged at work.
• The report also estimates that low engagement costs the world economy a staggering $8.9 trillion a year.
• Data from Gallup shows that 80 percent of employees who received meaningful feedback in the past week are fully engaged at work.
• A paper in the Human Resource Management Journal showed that skillful management coaching has a direct impact on team performance.

What Should a Manager Not Say (and What Should They Say?)

You need employees to feel appreciated and valuable. So managers should demonstrate the key attributes of patience, understanding and focus. As an organization, encourage managers to abandon their verbal "auto-replies." Instead, teach them to use their words wisely by following these 10 tips for what managers should and shouldn’t say.

1. Don't say, "I don't have the time." Say, "Can we book some time to discuss this later?"

Saying that you don't have time for your employees suggests that they aren't important enough. This could foster their insecurities and drag down their motivation and performance. If an employee has an issue then you do, too. As a manager, there's nothing more important than the wellbeing of your team.

Plus, it might have taken a lot of effort for your team member to come to you in the first place. A colleague once spent a morning rehearsing a difficult conversation in the bathroom mirror and in their car en route to the office, only to be shot down painfully with, "Send me an email."

It's in everyone's best interest to try to resolve problems swiftly and compassionately.

2. Don't say, "Leave it at the door." Say, "Would you like to talk about what's on your mind?"

Personal problems, and mental health, have a huge impact on employees at work. It's much healthier to work through these issues than to shut them away in a box and pretend that they're not happening.

Everyone needs support sometimes. A 2024 State of Workplace Empathy report from Businessolver found that 88 percent of employees would be willing to stay with an employer that empathizes with their needs. But there’s a startling disconnect – an average gap of 44 points between behaviors that survey respondents rate as empathetic and the behaviors they have experienced at work over the past six months.

Be the sort of boss you would want to have. You may end up helping someone through a bad situation – take Joe’s example. A young woman in his team was becoming easily upset and frustrated at work. Inviting her to talk in the coffee room led her to open up about depression, and eventually seek counseling.

A word of warning, however – be cautious of oversharing. As a manager, you must still maintain boundaries.

3. Don't say, "You have big shoes to fill!" Say, "We're excited to see what you bring to the role."

Many of us have heard this at the start of nearly every new role and seen its effect on others. It's always said in jest, but it's more demoralizing and intimidating than it is motivating. It can instill a sense of pressure and self-doubt. Not a nice feeling on day one of a new job!

Each new employee is hired based on their own potential; no one wants to be considered as a replica of their predecessor.

4. Don't say, "Good job today." Say, "How did you get on with...today?"

All praise is positive, right? Well, not if it sounds generic and insincere – it can actually have the opposite effect on an employee. Praise is only effective if it aids a person's growth.

So, be specific and constructive with feedback. Tailor it to individuals and their achievements so that they'll apply the same efforts elsewhere in their work.

A few thoughtful words can make someone feel like they're walking on a cloud and provide a newfound burst of pride and energy.

It's always best to check in with team members to gauge how they feel about their accomplishments. They may have done a great job at holding a campaign together, but they could now be suffering from burnout as a result. Never assume that you know how an employee is feeling.

5. Don't say, "I'm not paying you so that I can do your job for you." Say, "How can I support you?"

We can all feel overwhelmed and out of our comfort zone at times. Perhaps a task has revealed a need for some additional training? Managers should deal with this in a supportive and constructive way. Putting in additional effort now will enable you to build a more confident, proficient and skilled team.

Gallup found that focusing on developing employees’ strengths rather than “fixing” their weaknesses resulted in a 7 to 23 percent improvement in employee engagement, and 20 to 73 percent lower attrition. What's more, research from Zenger Folkman found that better coaches saw over three times as many employees willing to go the extra mile.

6. Don't say, "Why did/didn't you do it like this?" Say, "How can we do this differently next time?"

My colleague once witnessed a team member named Steph be brought to tears as her manager berated her loudly in an open plan office.

Steph was inexperienced, had asked for support that she never received, and consequently messed up badly on a huge email blast. She was still learning, but her manager's reaction made Steph doubt her potential to the point that she quit the company and changed career paths.

Even if someone is to blame, anger and finger-pointing are not the answer. Playing the blame game makes people feel beaten down and demoralized. Focus on facts, not feelings, and approach difficult feedback from a constructive standpoint.

7. Don't say, "No one else has a problem with it." Say, "Shall we discuss what's not working for you?"

Good managers don't tell their employees how they should and shouldn't feel. Instead of acting defensively to complaints or concerns, view them as a clear warning sign that someone needs your help. If performance is an issue, then it's yours to help resolve.

Or maybe it's a case of training and providing support for an employee who isn’t up to speed. Or perhaps it’s something else, and the employee just needs to have a conversation and work it out for themselves. That’s where good coaching comes in.

The best managers seek feedback and input from their teams. Responding compassionately builds trust and means employees will feel more confident about opening up to you.

8. Don't say, "Failure is not an option." Say, "What's our Plan B?"

"Management is nothing more than motivating other people," says American executive Lee Iacocca. So, make your team members feel valued by inviting them to discuss creative, alternative solutions that can act as a safety net. And you never know, you might just strike gold. Great ideas don't only come from the boardroom, after all.

Abandon any aggressive sports metaphors when communicating expectations or delivering bad news. Often, they are less motivational and helpful than you might think, and can stir insecurity or resentment in your team.

9. Don't say, "I hate this job/client/co-worker." Say, "What do we think makes [X] so challenging?"

A throwaway comment may seem harmless, but it could come back to haunt you later.

During a particularly stressful week, Marissa was going above and beyond the call of duty because she loved the company and challenging herself. But when her boss, Graham, breezed past her desk and said, "I wish I had your job instead; it'd be so much easier," it crushed her spirit.

And whatever you do, don't be like one manager who used to say how much he hated his job as a way to bond with employees. This attitude didn't inspire any confidence or respect. Instead, it "poisoned the well" for everyone. It also backfired on him, when he was quoted by an employee to the very boss he'd moaned about.

10. Don't say, "It's always been this way. I don't want questions; I just want it done." Say, "How else could we approach this?"

Don't be a "my way or the highway" sort of manager. Change is not something to resist or be frightened of. We should always be striving for continuous improvement. A truly great organization and its managers seek input from people at all levels. Asking questions clarifies understanding – and proposing new ideas shows that employees are engaged and want to feel involved.

By keeping focus on maintaining and growing relationships with your employees, everyone benefits – and so does your bottom line. You'll increase people's confidence, satisfaction and performance, and in return, you and your business can identify, retain and benefit from the best talent.

If ever you think you've said something you shouldn't have, don't just push it out of your mind: assess whether you need to address it, apologize for your mistake, and explain what you should have said instead. It will calm emotions and show your growth and caring nature as a manager.

What's Next?

Have you ever said anything to an employee that you regretted? How was it taken? Has a manager ever said anything that upset you at work? How did you handle it? Would you do anything differently?

If you’re looking to sharpen your management skills and say the right thing rather than the wrong thing, Mind Tools has a range of resources that can help you out.

For tips on navigating tricky conversations, see Difficult Conversations – Dos and Don’ts. Check out Delivering Bad News if you need to do just that. And for general feedback tips, read Coaching With Feedback.

Tip of the Week

Avoiding Cognitive Bias

By Melanie Bell, Mind Tools Content Editor

How often do you think about thinking?

When I taught university students writing in a previous job, one of the topics we covered was cognitive bias. We were talking about rhetoric in essay writing and introducing tools for being persuasive.

But some statements (either things that other people say, or things that we think) sound very persuasive to us while coming from a place of bias.

Cognitive bias involves making decisions or having beliefs that are illogical. They feel right. Our instincts might back them up. But as we examine our thinking, we find that they’re based on a partial view of things rather than an objective one.

One example that we encounter a lot is confirmation bias. This is when we seek information that supports our pre-existing views and ignore or reject information that doesn’t. Following others on social media who have similar views to ourselves can intensify this effect.

Have you seen other people exhibit confirmation bias? How about yourself? This is just one of several forms of biased thinking that people engage in without, well, thinking about it.

Watch our video 5 Types of Cognitive Bias to learn more – and approach your thoughts mindfully.

Pain Points Podcast

Regulating your reactions and responses is easier said than done, especially when the heat is on. So, join Jonathan and the Pain Points panel as they explore the research, share their own tips and techniques, and discuss the dos and don'ts of dealing with your emotions at work.

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News Roundup

This Week's Global Workplace Insights

Are Night Owls Smarter?

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” This piece of conventional wisdom is attributed to Benjamin Franklin. Productivity culture tends to agree with this belief – but is it true?

An article on BBC Science Focus finds that studies support some of the stereotypes, with early risers being happier and night owls being more prone to depression and dark triad personality traits.

However, a new study from Imperial College in London found night owls to have an edge on cognitive tests. Maybe there’s something to the tales that associate “wise old owls” with intelligence.

If you’ve tried getting up early, only to find that it doesn’t... really... work, you’re probably familiar with the idea that circadian rhythms are more nature than nurture. BBC's article offers some tips on tweaking your body clock and getting enough sleep, but the key is to respect your needs.

There's More Than One Way to Be Lucky

Often, luck has more to do with chance than with our actions. But can we get luckier? An article on Big Think makes a compelling case for “yes,” drawing on neurologist Dr James H Austin’s book “Chase, Chance, and Creativity.”

Austin describes four types of luck, with different causes:

1. Blind luck is the kind we usually think of, where events happen by chance.
2. Luck from motion comes from actively seeking opportunities.
3. Luck from awareness comes from being attentive to what’s going on around you and recognizing opportunities as they arise.
4. Luck from uniqueness stems from personal qualities that attract opportunities.

So, if you want to be luckier, knowing yourself, being mindful of potential opportunities, and taking plentiful action can help to get you there.

For more on enhancing your luck in the work world, see our article Identifying Great Career Opportunities.

See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight from the Mind Tools team!