Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

In such situations, reactions are often automatic and can occur without conscious thought. These instinctive reactions may be positive and useful, but they can also be negative and unhelpful. Through NLP, you supposedly become more aware of your reactions, and learn to change them – including what you say – in a positive and useful way.

However, NLP is not taken as seriously as other psychology theories, partially due to a lack of research and evidence of its effectiveness. [2][3] While there have been critiques of its validity, it remains a common practice around the world and applied in a variety of business situations from persuasion and sales to management training and coaching.

Using NLP

NLP is used to enhance one's ability to behave positively and constructively. NLP techniques aim to help you to develop rapport, connect with others, and communicate and understand others. With it, you can use language skills and patterns to ask powerful questions and to achieve positive outcomes.

NLP may help you to understand the outcome that you want in a given situation, and to develop sufficient awareness to know whether you're moving toward or away from that outcome. It teaches you to be flexible about changing your behavior, so that you can achieve the desired goal.

For example, you may want to negotiate a business contract successfully. NLP can help you become more aware of what you are saying, how you are saying it, and whether or not the other person is engaged in your presentation. Through this awareness, you can shift your behavior or your speech to re-engage them, if necessary, and to achieve your goal successfully.

Here's another example: while in a difficult discussion, you can use NLP to help you shift your perception and imagine yourself standing in the other person's shoes. This can help you to better appreciate where they are coming from. Similarly, to wrap up the discussion, you might take a "helicopter view" of things to get a sense of the bigger picture, before zooming back down into the detail and agreeing the final outcome.

NLP may also help you to increase your confidence levels in public speaking. By exploring your internal state when you are feeling confident, you can map these images and sensations across to situations in which you are less confident. Your unconscious mind picks up on these subtle shifts and increases your confidence.

Create Rapport for Excellent Outcomes

Although most of us are probably very good at creating rapport and connecting with others, we all experience times when things do not go as well as we would like. For example, if you're having a difficult meeting with an unhappy client or asking your boss for a pay raise, NLP can help you to foster a positive rapport with the other person, which can ease the flow of the discussion and improve the likelihood of a good outcome.

Mirroring someone's body language, tone of voice, or even rate of speech can help strengthen your rapport with the other person. Unconsciously, the other person picks up that you are like them – and we all tend to like people who are like us.

Additionally, by developing an awareness of the subtle shifts of body language, you get an insight into what may be going on with the other person. What do shifts in posture (tall or slumped) tell you? Have you seen someone's face turn red while they get nervous, or go deathly pale after hearing upsetting news?

You can also connect with others by speaking the same language. We take in our experiences through our sight, hearing, feelings, and even our senses of smell and taste. Our speech reveals our preferred sensory language in a particular context.

Have you ever heard someone say, "I see what you mean," "I get the picture," or, "I hear what you are saying"? Developing the skill to pick up on this sensory language will help you to modify your use of words.

By delving further into the mechanics of language and how people communicate, you can identify patterns that help you to understand human behavior. Are they distorting, deleting or generalizing? Do they like options, or prefer to follow procedures? Knowing what motivates people can help you to work with them.

Common Misconceptions

Some people believe that NLP involves manipulating others into doing what you want them to do. For example, a pushy salesperson persuading you to buy something you really did not want.

However, it's the use of the tool that determines manipulation, not the tool itself. If the tool is used to disadvantage someone else, then this is manipulation. If it's used for someone's advantage, then the tool is being used in a positive way.

Another misconception is that NLP is used to detect whether someone is lying by watching their eye movements. Part of developing your sensory acuity is about picking up subtle eye movements, and understanding that different movements have different meanings. However, since the meanings associated with every individual's eye movements are unique, you need to understand what they mean before you can even begin to use NLP for this purpose. It is far from being a quick and simple lie detector.