Resiliency

Rachel Salaman: I spoke a bit about resiliency in my introduction. Does everyone possess the same potential to rebound from setbacks?

Cal Crow: I think we do. It's difficult to say whether everyone has the same potential, because resiliency's observable only when you are using it. But if person A rebounds further than person B after a setback, it's hard to know whether it's because of a different amount of potential or because person A was just able to tap into it more effectively. I think the important thing is to know is that we all have it; everyone has it, and we probably have as much as we need.

Rachel Salaman: Well what are the characteristics that define resilient people, or rather the people who've been able to tap into it?

Cal Crow: Well, there are several that have been identified. I'll mention just a few here. One is that resilient people have a positive image of the future, so they're able to visualize and expect improvement, expect something better. They have goals, and they have aspirations, and they have a desire to achieve, and they're optimistic and hopeful. They're also empathic and altruistic and compassionate and they have a true desire to help other people and to contribute to the greater good. That to me, I think, is one of the earmarks of a resilient person. They feel in control of their lives; they never think of themselves as a victim or, you know, poor me, kind of thing, and they focus time and energy only on those things they can control. They're very good at saying, "Alright, I can't control this over here, so I'm not going to spend any time on it because it's a no-win situation and there's no point in going there." They have a sense of meaning in their lives and that means that there's something important beyond themselves to look forward to every day. They're introspective. They can reflect on their thinking and their behaviors and they can make changes where necessary, so they have the ability to ask themselves, "Is this working? And, if it isn't, "Do I want to continue doing it? What else can I be doing about it?" They avoid unhealthy and dysfunctional situations and they don't succumb easily to peer pressure, which I think is another strong earmark. They don't really worry about what other people think or say about them as long as they know that what they're doing is getting them where they want to go, in a healthy way, and they can develop healthy relationships. They're able to read their environments and respond appropriately, so I think those are some of the major characteristics of resilient people.

Rachel Salaman: And what makes people resilient? What gives people those characteristics?

Cal Crow: Well, as I said before, we're already – we're all born with it so it's already in there somewhere in all of us, but we can create environments that unleash the resiliency that's already there, and there have been a number of studies done on resilient children and young people. These are people from extremely debilitating backgrounds and they've overcome major obstacles to become successful and well-functioning adults. And three factors have been identified as making this occur: the first is caring relationships, the second is high expectations, and the third is meaningful participation. So what that means is that, if people feel understood and respected, and they know that other people are interested in them and that there's a feeling of safety and trust and bonding with at least another person, one other person, that helps tap into their resiliency. They also knew that people had high expectations for them, and they developed high expectations for themselves, and they felt challenged to succeed and to overcome barriers in their lives. And then another one I think is very important is they learned to focus on strengths and assets rather than problems and deficits. And then the third one is that they were encouraged to give voice and be heard, and they were given responsibilities and they were allowed to make decisions, and they were able to contribute in some way to the community. They were recognized for their talents and their abilities and they were asked to contribute, and I think that's again, as I mentioned earlier, this desire to contribute, this desire to make a difference, is an earmark of resilient people.

Rachel Salaman: Now what happens if you didn't have any of those factors when you were growing up? Is there anything you can do to make yourself more resilient as an adult?

Cal Crow: Yes, there are, because we can do basically the same things that we have observed from the children and youth that have been studied. For one thing, we can make sure that we seek healthy environments where these factors are present, so we don't want to be around people who put us down or make us feel 'less than'. We don't want to be in dysfunctional situations. And we can let go of the past. We can learn to say, for example, "Alright, I had a terrible childhood; my parents were unsupportive and abusive, and we didn't have any money," and so on. I can say that, but then I have to say, "Alright, but I can move beyond that. I'm better than that; I don't have to be part of that; I don't have to let that determine who I am now and who I will be in the future." So we can teach ourselves to make some of these statements about a positive future, and we can make sure that we don't work on anything that we can't change or control. I'm continually surprised by people who become very, very concerned about things that they see going on in their workplace or in their relationships and, when I ask, "Well, what control do you have over that?" and the response is, "I have absolutely no control over it," then the question is then how much energy do we want to put into that? Let's put our energy into creating a positive future, and not into trying to change something that we're not going to succeed at. And then we can get out of ourselves, as they say, and create meaning by connecting with other people and serving other people and asking how we can contribute. So, whether I'm in a job or in a relationship or in a leisure activity, whatever it is, I want to get beyond the job and out of myself and think about, what am I contributing by doing this?

Rachel Salaman: Well, you mentioned jobs. Can you give some examples of how resiliency can help people in a work environment?

Cal Crow: Yes. People have different ways of looking at work. Resilient people have a positive outlook and they expect – every day when they get up they expect they're going to have a good day. Now they know there'll be little speed bumps along the way, but they're pretty sure they can handle that and then get on with it. And less resilient people, I think, view the speed bumps more as roadblocks or barriers or detours, and they spend valuable time and energy being stuck, and there's an old adage that many people probably have heard of, that contrasts people who light candles and those who curse the darkness. The resilient people are those who are looking for ways to light candles; they realize there's darkness there but there's no point in cursing it. "Let's see if we can light it up a bit." And they also are very good at – resilient people are very good at developing positive relationships with co-workers at all levels, and they believe, deep down, that what they're doing is important and worthwhile, and so they're motivated to do quality work. And it doesn't matter what the work is; we have resilient people doing all kinds of work out there, but it's the belief and the attitude they take to the workplace that's important. And if a resilient person doesn't believe that what he or she is doing is important, they will make adjustments or they will move on. They will say, "It's not healthy for me to spend time doing this because I'm not getting any pay-off from it and I don't see the value in it."

Rachel Salaman: It sounds like resilient people are the best people to have around because their resiliency makes them very good at their job and very good teammates. What proportion of workers would you say were resilient by this definition?

Cal Crow: I think people who are in some of the more current professions where they're asked to be creative and to come up with ideas and to contribute, I think that you have a lot of resilient people there. I think in jobs that are more structured, more routine, less chance for creativity, I think you find less resiliency there because the environmental factors that people need are not there. You have a boss telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, where to do it, and so you don't have this opportunity to have your voice heard or have this feeling that you're making a contribution; you're just meeting someone else's needs.

Rachel Salaman: But resiliency is something that we should all aim for.

Cal Crow: Yes, and it's there, I want to keep emphasizing that. And what happens is that you have to have supervisors and bosses, you know, that welcome this. I have been in situations, and I'm sure other people have too, where a person manifests these resilient qualities and it's a threat to co-workers or a threat to supervisors because they don't want these people having their voice heard, for example.

Rachel Salaman: Well, in your work, you link resiliency to what you call 'self-efficacy'. What is this exactly?

Cal Crow: Well, it's the belief you have about your ability to perform a specific task or manage a specific situation, and I think the key word here is 'specific', so it's not a general self-esteem or self-concept kind of thing, but it's a belief that I can do this specific task. And it really comes – efficacy comes from the term 'to effect or to make happen', to make something occur, so people are successful really, not because they're the smartest necessarily, but because they expect to be successful. And I think the key word is 'expect'. A lot of us hope to be successful or want to be successful, or we try to be successful, and those are all interesting words, but it's different than expecting to be successful. People who have high self-efficacy really believe deep down that they will be successful at this task, but it could be specific, so I might feel I might have high self-efficacy in the workplace or doing this specific task, but my self-efficacy is not as high when I'm on the athletic field, for example, or performing in a musical production, so it's very specific.

Rachel Salaman: And your theory is that that expectation leads to actual success.

Cal Crow: Well, the expectation by itself doesn't guarantee success. We still have to work to make it happen, but probably the 'grandfather', if I may use that term, of self-efficacy research and theory, is a man by the name of Albert Bandura, and he and others who've studied self-efficacy have identified it as probably the greatest single contributor to success. So having self-efficacy doesn't necessarily mean you'll be successful, because you still have to work at it but, without self-efficacy, success will be very difficult because, if you don't have the belief that you can make this work, it's going to be very hard for you to succeed at anything, and that's what the – as I understand the research right now that's what they're saying. And it's a great contributor, not only in work but also in school; same thing in classes at all ages, whether you're a youngster in school or an adult in school or a training program or whatever it is, people who expect to do well are those who do well.

Rachel Salaman: Where does the belief in our own ability to perform come from?

Cal Crow: It's part of resiliency and so we're born with it. Again, maybe it would help if you think of a small child, you know, a toddler; these children, they'll try anything. The word 'can't' isn't really even on their radar screen and a logical explanation of why they can't do something doesn't faze them at all. They come right back and try again and again, and they don't compare themselves with others. It isn't until later really that they begin to think of themselves as less smart, or less attractive, or less athletic, or less popular, or less capable than other children and then, when this occurs, they back off and they begin to say, "I can't compete in this arena. I'll never be as good as so-and-so," and they back off. So we know it's there but, again, we lose it and it's part of this whole resiliency thing.

Rachel Salaman: How can we increase our own self-efficacy?

Cal Crow: Well, again, there are several things that have been identified as doing that; I'll mention a few here. We can learn to become decision makers. People with low self-efficacy have a very difficult time making hard decisions; they put things off. So, if I can just begin making some decisions, so I can say to myself, you know, "I decided that, and that means I can decide other things." And there's just this whole idea of making myself a decider increases my sense of self-efficacy, because deciding something is taking control of a situation. And then we can create very simple mastery experiences and, by that, I mean doing something that we think is beyond us or is something that we couldn't do, so, for example, I might say, "I could never make a cold call in sales; I could never do that." Well, let's practice. Practice making one cold call, just make the call. It doesn't matter what happens as a result of it but, if you made the call, now you're able to say, "Alright, I made that one. If I can make that one, I can make another one." And it could be other mastery experiences; like for example asking for a raise or letting a co-worker know that he or she is bothering me. All of these things that we keep inside us and we say, "Well, I couldn't do that, I couldn't do that." Every time we say, "I couldn't," we're negating our self-efficacy. Setting goals and developing plans for reaching goals are another way of doing it. It gives us a sense of control and, again, this belief that "I can do it." Looking at models or even getting a mentor, someone like me who has been successful, and that can help me believe that I can do it. Eliminating stress and anxiety is very important because those are really responses to things we can't control and, when we feel out of control, then it's difficult to believe that we can perform successfully, so we want to make sure that we don't have this stress and anxiety.

Rachel Salaman: How can you avoid it though?

Cal Crow: Well, if I can go back to something we said earlier, if it's something I can't control, then I don't need to worry about it and I want to move on. I'm going to say, "Alright, this happened. This was not a good thing and it was not a fun thing. I can't control that and I'm going to get on with my life." But a lot of the stress and anxiety that we experience is not because of things that are happening out there, but it's what we tell ourselves about that. So somebody calls me a name or insults me in some way and then I internalize that and then that's when the stress and the anxiety come in, but I could just as easily say, "Alright, that person didn't like what I did. I'm not going to get bent out of shape over that, and I'm going to get on with my life." And I know this is easy to say and it's much more difficult to do, but I think we all know people who we call 'unflappable' and they say, you know, "This will work out, we'll get through this. This will work out." They are not as stressed and anxious. I know people like that and I'm guessing other people do as well. And then we can do a thorough analysis of our strengths and our skills and our talent, the things we do well. During my self-efficacy workshops I often ask people to make a simple mind map of their strengths, skills and talents. I call them the SSTs. Some people have a great deal of difficulty with this and they'll tell me, "I can't think of any." Or they'll even say, "I don't think I have any, any strengths, skills or talents." And these are adult people, people in the workplace, people in business, people who've been through school, but, for some reason, they have a very difficult time thinking of themselves as strong, capable, skilled, talented people, so I think those are some of the things that we can do to increase our self-efficacy.

Rachel Salaman: You also suggest avoiding terms such as 'failure' and 'failing'. What difference does this make?

Cal Crow: Well, those have negative connotations, so, if I ascribe the term 'failure' or 'failing' to myself, then I'm identifying myself with the failure and, again, people with high self-efficacy and high resiliency are more likely to say, "Alright, I tried that and it didn't work. I'll try something else. That was a learning experience." But they don't describe it as a failure, you know, in that very negative sense, and I think many of us, we got that term when we were in school because we talked about passing and failing and, you know, schools all over the world have students who are passing and failing and they're getting messages, you know, about their own ability and their own self-efficacy really, so I just don't like using those terms.

Rachel Salaman: Can you explain how a sense of identity plays into these issues?

Cal Crow: Yes, an identity, from my perspective, is whenever I use the phrase, 'I am', so, for example, if I say "I am a parent that's part of my identity." "I am a partner," that's another part of my identity. "I am an Accountant," that's part of my identity. Each of those generates a thought pattern then, which results in behavior. So if I identity myself as a partner, then that means I always have to be sensitive to my partner's needs; I can't just be thinking about myself all the time. That's back there somewhere; I've got to be thinking about that. If I'm a parent then I need to be thinking about what does it mean to be a parent and my responsibility and my time and so on? But those are all part of our identity. If I identify myself as a worker, whether that's an Accountant or a Carpenter or whatever, then I can't be out playing golf when I should be at work. Work is part of my identity. Those are positive identities, but then we also have a lot of negative identities, so we might say – I might say, "I'm an unhappy partner," or, "I'm a trapped partner," or, "I'm an unhappy Accountant," or, "I'm an unappreciated parent," then that becomes part of my identity, and, when I carry that negative identity around, it's very, very difficult for me to tap into my resiliency and self-efficacy. If I can use an example: I do a lot of work with people who have been in jail or prison. When I engage them in discussions about who they are and what's possible, they continually talk about being a felon or being a criminal or being an ex-criminal or an ex-con, whatever term they use but, as long as they talk that way, that tells me that that's part of their identity and, if that doesn't change, then it doesn't much matter how many workshops they go through or how many new skills they develop, if they still view themselves with this 'offender' label, they're going to have a hard time making it in the workplace.

Rachel Salaman: How can we develop more positive identities?

Cal Crow: Well, we can change our language and we can broaden our perspective, so, when I talk, when I'm working in a jail for example, a person will say, "Well, I'm an offender," and I'll say, "Yes, you are. What else are you?" And they look at me and they'll, you know, they'll say, "Well, I don't know what you mean." I'll say, "Alright, offender's one thing you are; what else are you, who else are you?" They have a very difficult time with this, but if they can say, "Well, I'm a person with these skills, I'm a parent, I'm a son," or a daughter or a brother or a sister or whatever, and they start realizing that they can identify themselves and label themselves in many ways, then that broadens their identity, so that's really what I'm talking about here. The same thing is true with other people that I have worked with from difficult situations, for example people who've been on welfare or public assistance. They identify themselves as 'a welfare recipient.' That's how they talk about themselves, and so we have to move beyond that. Or a person who's lost a job they will say, "I am an unemployed plumber," or, "an unemployed Accountant," or, "I'm a redundant worker." If that's how you identify yourself, then you're going to have a hard time tapping into these positive parts of you because you're focusing on the negative. When I hear people say, "I've only..." whatever it is, "I've only completed this much school," or, "I've only had this much training," or, "I've only done this kind of job," or, "I just have worked in a fast food restaurant," or, "I've just done manual labor," that tells me right away that their identity is not very positive and we have to work on that.

Rachel Salaman: Have you seen, in your own experience, the benefits of people developing more positive identities?

Cal Crow: Yes, most definitely. When I'm working with people, for example, who may have had trouble in school, you know, wherever they went to school, but when we start talking about learning, for example, and if I could give one example. This is in a prison, but it could have been anywhere. We were talking about how you learn and we got into learning style and personalities, and how are you going to use this when you get out, because you're going to be trying to get into the community and reentering the community and you'll be working and trying to make a contribution to the community, you need to know how you learn. And one of the men, at the end of this one class, said to me: he said, "All my life they told me..." interesting "they told me," so already someone else was defining him. "They told me I had a learning disability." And he said, "Today I discovered I have a learning style." So he went from someone who was identified as having a disability to someone who had a style; that totally turned him around. He began enrolling in classes in the prison, which he had never done before; he began making a career plan, and so on, and I got a very nice letter from him describing the difference that had made in his life, and his question was, you know, he said, "I'm 37 years old, why did I have to wait so long for somebody to help me with this, and help me change my identity?" So I believe there are just a lot of people out there, not just in jails and prisons but all over, who have this negative identity or who have accepted what other people have said about them, you know, "I'm not good at this," or, "I'm not good at that. I'll never be able to do this," and I think we have to change that.

Rachel Salaman: They probably don't realize that changing their identity is within their control.

Cal Crow: Yes, it is, but they can't do it on their own. I mean, you can't – that man could never have done that if we hadn't had this conversation, if we hadn't done the activity and so that's why I think it's important that we look – those of us who are struggling with these issues that we look for assistance because it's out there in lots of different places. And many of us, although we may not be professional helpers, we can change another person's identity just by making a statement about something that they've done positively, just giving them a positive stroke, and that may be all it takes to get them moving.

Rachel Salaman: So if we were to take away one tip for improving our resiliency from this interview, what should it be, and why?

Cal Crow: That's a difficult question and it may change. I may give you a different answer a month from now, but today I would say develop a positive sense of the future and know in your heart and soul that you have it within you. I want to say that again you have it within you to create the kind of future you want, and it may not always be easy, but you have it. It's in there and you were born that way and so I think that's what I would want people to know. I think many times people will say, "Well, I was born this way," or, because of this, these things have happened to me, I'm limited in some way." And I would say try to rise above that and get this positive sense of the future, because you can create that; you can create the kind of future you want.

Rachel Salaman: Cal Crow, thank you very much for joining me today.

Cal Crow: Thank you. I've enjoyed it.

Rachel Salaman: You can find out more about Cal's work at his website, www.learningconnections.org. I'll be back next month with another Expert Interview, so do join me then. Goodbye.