Trust Works! Four Keys to Building Lasting Relationships

All of us look at trust through our own lenses. This can make trust hard to talk about, and even harder to inspire. After all, what does trust look like to you? If you ask this question to the people in your life, you'll probably get a different response every time.

This is why it's helpful to have a framework that defines, objectively, what trust is, what it looks like, and how you can build it. And, this is what "Trust Works!" sets out to do.

The book is built around Ken Blanchard's popular Trust Works! training program. Blanchard spent six years researching trust, and organizing countless focus groups with CEOs, managers, and other professionals. The result from all this is his ABCD Trust Model. ABCD stands for Able, Believable, Connected, and Dependable – all characteristics that build and maintain trust.

Ken Blanchard is a leadership expert and the co-author of the best-selling books, "The One Minute Manager" and "Leading at a Higher Level." Cynthia Olmstead is an organizational development expert who helped develop the Trust Works! program. And Martha Lawrence is an executive editor at The Ken Blanchard Companies, where she works closely with Ken Blanchard on book projects.

If you want to learn how to be trustworthy, or if you need to know how to build and maintain trust in your team, this book is for you.

So, keep listening to find out how sharing your knowledge and skills can inspire trust, the importance of listening properly, and why responding matters, even if you think you have nothing to say.

"Trust Works!" is a quick read, and the book is divided into two main parts. Part one is a parable. The authors use a fictional story about the relationship between a cat and dog to bring the elements of the ABCD Model to life.

In part two, you see how the author's ABCD framework applies to the real world. You learn how certain behaviors affect trust, while other behaviors destroy it. And, you learn how to apply the ABCD Trust Model to your life and career. Again, this acronym stands for Able, Believable, Connected, and Dependable.

Before we dive into these elements in more detail, let's first look at the story that makes up the first half of the book. Here, the authors tell the story of Woof and Whiskers, the dog and cat whose lack of trust in each other threatens to destroy the family they're living with.

The problem with Woof and Whiskers is that they're always fighting, and their human owners have had enough. If the pair can't learn to get along and trust each other, all the animals will be thrown out of the house.

Now, some people might be rolling their eyes at this. It sounds like a children's story, and we were skeptical too. But it's a fun read, and there are some good lessons here.

You could skip this first half of the book. The authors outline everything you need to know about the ABCD Model in part two. But if you have time, it's worth reading the story first. It's a lighthearted introduction to the Trust Model framework, and it's a fun way to start the book. It may not be the best parable we've ever read in a business book. But it's by no means bad.

Reading the story first is also helpful because, in part two, the authors use scenarios from the story to illustrate key concepts and lessons.

The authors say you can also read the parable out loud to your kids. We agree that this would be a great way to open up a dialog about trust with your children, even when they're very young. The characters are likable and fun, and it's easy to see what the elements of the ABCD Model look like in action.

Here's a good example.

Presley is a wise parrot that lives in the house. And, he's the one who's trying to teach Woof the dog how to get Whiskers the cat to start trusting him more. The parrot tells Woof that he has to start by being Able. He has to show Whiskers that he can help solve her problems, and that she can trust his skills.

The next day Woof notices Whiskers trying to find an easy way through their backyard fence. Usually she has go through the house and front yard to get to where she wants to go, a fact that thoroughly irritates her.

Woof decides to make things a bit easier for her by digging a perfect cat-sized hole under the fence.

When he tells Whiskers what he's done, the cat isn't that impressed. She says, "If you really want to impress me, bring me some catnip."

Woof knows that Whiskers isn't going to trust him all at once. After all, he's chased her and antagonized her for years, so it's going to take some time. So the next day he searches around and finds some wild catnip for her.

When he brings it to her, the cat still isn't impressed. "That's great," she says, "But if you really want to impress me, bring me a fish."

So that's exactly what he does. Over the next week he also brings her several other gifts that show he can help solve the cat's problems and make her life better. By the end of the week, though, Woof wants to know if Whiskers finally trusts him.

"No," the cat says. "I appreciate all the gifts you brought. But just because you can do those things doesn't mean I trust you. There are other issues."

"Like what?" the dog asks.

"I don't have time to go into that," Whiskers says. "Cats and dogs just don't get along. It's common knowledge." And she lifts up her tail and stalks away.

As you might imagine, Woof has to demonstrate the other three behaviors in the ABCD Trust Model before he finally wins Whiskers' trust. But trust is a two-way street. Whiskers learns that she has to make an effort to get Woof to trust her too.

By the end of the story the two have developed a deep bond of friendship and trust. And, everyone lives happily every after.

There are four self-tests throughout this story that you'll want to take, even if you're skimming this first part of the book. These help you figure out how strong or weak you are in each of the model's four categories. You'll use your scores in the second part of the book to customize your learning and focus on your weakest areas.

We thought this was a smart move on the authors' part because it saves time and effort down the road. Instead of looking at each of the four behaviors in detail all at once, you can focus your learning on your weakest area first.

Let's look at part two, about how to apply the ABCD Model of Trust to your own life. It opens with a look at trust "busters" and trust "boosters." Put simply, the authors identify the behaviors that inspire trust, and those that destroy it.

Let's say you want to build trust in others by being more Able, which is the first behavior in the ABCD Trust Model. When you're Able, you show others that you get quality results, you resolve problems and develop skills, and you use those skills to help others.

One way you could be destroying the trust others have in you is by not using your knowledge and skills to help others.

It's not enough to consider yourself an expert. In order to inspire trust, you need to be generous with your knowledge and skills. Share what you know with others, and use your skills to help them. This shows that you care.

The second behavior in the ABCD Model is Believable. When you're Believable you keep your word, you admit when you're wrong, you're non-judgmental, and you show respect.

One way to destroy others' trust in your believability is by being judgmental.

Now, all of us need to use a certain amount of discernment in life. Discernment is when you recognize differences in an impartial way. Judgment, on the other hand, is when your thoughts and words have an emotional charge. This can be hurtful to others, and it can destroy trust.

So be non-judgmental. Take in the differences you see in the world, but don't pass judgment on them. The authors say this creates an atmosphere of safety for other people, which leads to trust.

The third behavior in the model is Connected. When you're Connected you listen well, you show empathy, you praise others, and you show interest in their life.

One of the quickest ways to break a connection with someone else is to not listen to what they have to say. And by listening, we mean really listening, not just waiting your turn to respond.

Reflect back on what you see and hear, to show you're actively listening. This will build understanding and trust between you and the person talking.

The last behavior in the ABCD Trust Model is Dependable. When you're Dependable you do what you say you'll do. You're timely, responsive, organized, and accountable.

When you don't respond to other people's requests, the trust they have in you can erode. And it usually doesn't take long. Most people these days are really busy. But that's no excuse for not sending a quick response letting the other person know they've been heard.

The authors make an important distinction here. Responding to a request doesn't mean fulfilling a request. When you respond, give the other person an honest assessment of whether or not you can help them. At the least, you can let them know you got their message and you'll get back to them when you can. When you do this consistently over time, you build trust with others.

Now, this is only a short summary of what you can do to build trust using each of the four categories in the ABCD Trust Model. The authors outline several other things you can do build trust in each of these areas. We thought all of their suggestions were useful.

Another section we really liked is titled "Learning to Have Trust Conversations." Here, the authors show how you can use the ABCD Model as a diagnostic tool to identify where trust is breaking down between you and someone else.

The authors created several mock conversations that show how you can use the model to figure out exactly when and how a breach of trust occurred. The scenarios are short, and we think they're really helpful. The authors did a great job showing how these different situations might play out.

For example, there are mock scenarios between a father and his teenage son, between a leader and his team, and between spouses.

There was one lesson in this section that really hit home with us. When someone violates your trust in them, you can usually pinpoint which of the four categories they failed in, once you think about it. But you also have to be willing to ask them where you violated their trust. Remember, trust is a two-way street. If someone has violated your trust, there's a chance that you violated theirs in the past. You need to figure out where you went wrong, so you can apologize.

It takes courage and humility to do this. But if you want to truly heal a relationship and build trust, then this is an important step.

There's a lot of information packed into this second section. The strategies and tips the authors outline here are useful, relevant, and enlightening.

So, what's our last word on "Trust Works!"?

We think there are a lot of valuable lessons in this book. It's written in a no-nonsense, accessible style, and this makes the content easy and quick to digest.

One of the biggest benefits of the book is that you'll learn how to identify unconscious behaviors that could be destroying other peoples' trust in you. This alone is worth the price of the book, especially since we've all broken trust with someone at least once. And much of the time, it's because we did something without thinking.

Although the parable is a fun and lighthearted way to start the book, some readers might get impatient with the simplistic story. It's good, but not great. So if you're pressed for time, skip ahead to part two. But don't miss the self-tests that appear in the parable – you can use your scores later in the book to target your learning.

"Trust Works!" by Ken Blanchard, Cynthia Olmstead, and Martha Lawrence, is published by William Morrow.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.

Click here to buy the book from Amazon.