Welcome to your exclusive Mind Tools member newsletter, designed to help you survive and thrive at work.

Each week, you’ll find personal insight and advice from the mindtools.com editors, and from our network of thought leaders, researchers and coaches.

This week, we’re focusing on anxiety and leadership, featuring a recent interview with thought leader and author Morra Aarons-Mele. In it, she explores the relationship between anxiety and achievement, and how leaders can manage their anxiety to their advantage.

Then scroll down for our Tip of the Week on how to have great one-on-ones, and our News Roundup.

Anxiety and Leadership: An Interview With Morra Aarons-Mele

Managing Anxiety When You're Supposed to Be in Charge

Morra Aarons-Mele, Author and Speaker

Interviewed by Melanie Bell, Mind Tools Content Editor

This week we have something exciting for you: an interview with Morra Aarons-Mele, author of “The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower” and “Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert’s Roadmap to Getting Out There,” podcast host, and speaker on workplace mental health. Morra recorded an Expert Interview with Mind Tools, and now she joins us with advice on managing anxiety as a leader.

Can you tell me a little about your background?

My background is in political and issue advocacy, consulting and strategy. I have bipolar II and struggle off and on with anxiety, depression, hypomania, so it was always a piece of how I worked, and there just weren’t resources. I can’t show up at a desk under fluorescent lights for 10 hours a day and deal with office politics. That’s not good for my mental health.

My solution in 2005 was to quit and become a freelancer, which eventually started my business. I’m now doing workplace mental health pretty much full-time.

Somewhere along the way you found time to write two books and do your podcast called “The Anxious Achiever.” What connections do you see between anxiety and achievement?

As I started blogging in 2005, I started my first podcast in 2014, and I was doing quite a bit of public speaking, and I noticed that whenever I talked about my own anxiety and the interesting, complex relationship I had with it when it came to my own ambition and success, people’s eyes lit up and they came to find me after like, “I thought I was the only one!”

People who are high achieving often have attendant anxiety. Even more than that, they use anxiety to motivate them. It works, until it doesn’t. What I do is, first, help people feel seen in their anxious achievement, but also ask themselves “Is this working for me? Can I manage how I respond and make it better?”

This is really important right now because a third of us are walking around with clinical anxiety disorders. But I rarely meet people, especially in corporate life, who aren’t anxious these days, because work is creating conditions that make us anxious.

That’s a high rate of anxiety. What impact do you see this having in the workplace?

We’re ashamed of emotions like anxiety because it’s seen as a weakness. I find this especially with leaders. They would no more stand up and say “I’m feeling anxious” than they would say “I have no idea what I’m doing and I shouldn’t be here.”

Anxiety is so prevalent. Mental illness and mental health challenges are prevalent, but anxiety is the most prevalent, and it’s often something we feel we can’t cop to. And also, we don’t like to feel it, so we hide it. It shows up, though.

The most common ways I find it showing up at work are in behaviors like micromanaging, controlling, refusal to delegate, insisting that you know everything, often driven by insecurity, but also avoidance. So that’s pretty profound. My inbox is full of people who feel they are in toxic situations, and a lot of times it’s because their manager is extremely anxious.

You’re no stranger to leadership and management. For people who are new to management or leadership roles, what types of anxiety tend to show up, and how can they be managed?

When you’re new to a role that’s demanding and challenging, you’re probably going to feel anxious! We sense there’s a threat, and our brain doesn’t know it’s not a physical threat, so we feel a threat response. We’re going to anticipate outcomes that aren’t favorable, and our body’s going to feel like it’s under stress.

So the first step is to say, “This is hard. And also, I really care about this.” You need a level of anxiety to give it your best, to be honest. But then the question is, am I going to let this stop me? Or am I going to work with it and let it power me? And that is where skills and tools come in. So it’s normal, it means you care, it’s OK. The question is, “How do I move through this?”

What skills and tools do you recommend?

I mean the first thing I would say, if you feel that it’s really impacting you, please get help. Go to therapy, see a counsellor, find a peer group, work with a coach. We are not meant to solve life’s challenges alone. Being the lone wolf is not leadership.

There are times when anxiety is external and driven by fear or stress, but a lot of it’s in our head. What I do is I take it out of my head. I name it. I notice it. Then I try to understand it.

The fear I have, is it possible that I’m going to project that onto them and is there a way that I can address it up front, or that I can make peace with it by looking at evidence? Everyone needs a brag book. I have a folder on my Google drive of nice things people have said about me. When you’re anxious, you’re not always a reliable narrator, so get evidence.

Those are all cognitive tools and that means our brain is in a good enough place to be able to do it. Sometimes when we’re anxious, our body takes over and all the cognitive tools in the world won’t work. Then it’s about physical tools. These can be anything from breathing techniques to grounding techniques to having a way to change your circumstance.

How can we support our team in managing their anxiety?

Research shows that when anxiety is on a team, it’s a bad thing if it lasts longer than it should and if it’s chronic. A common scenario is, we know there’s layoffs coming but they haven’t told us when. Every day we show up and we’re like, is this the day? That’s chronic anxiety that sucks the life blood out of you. It’s hard to concentrate, to focus, to do good work, to be present, when your brain is in a spiral of “What if?”

I’ve talked to so many people who feel that their bosses trigger anxiety. That needs to be addressed. You can fix a lot at the team level, no matter what a mess the larger system is, if you have a leader who’s committed and who’s given skills and resources.

Do you have any final or favorite things you’ve learned about anxiety and leadership?

This is a cliché, but sometimes our biggest challenges are what make us who we are. And there’s usually a lot of pain between now and then, but I would like a world in which leaders were more open to talking about who they really are, not who they think they’re supposed to be, because everyone has a story. I see it as part of my goal to just do my own tiny part in helping get those stories out there.

What's Next?

Check out Morra Aarons-Mele's Expert Interview for more insights on how to manage anxiety and make it work for you, including thoughts on self-talk and impostor feelings that we didn’t have space to include in the newsletter.

Take a look, as well, at our article How to Deal With Anxiety and our video 7 Ways to Combat Anxiety.

Tip of the Week

How to Have Great One-on-Ones

By Simon Bell, Mind Tools Content Editor

You can only help your team members to reach their full potential and achieve their goals if you get to know them first. A great way to do this is to hold regular one-on-ones.

You might think of one-on-ones as a chore, or even a downright awkward experience that you just have to get through.

In fact, one-on-ones provide a great opportunity to coach your people, help them to progress, and connect with them.

They also make giving feedback easier and foster a culture of honesty and openness. Here are the five ingredients for successful one-on-ones:

1. Venue: Choose a comfortable, private location. If you’re holding the meeting online, make sure that you’re somewhere where you can’t be overheard.
2. Timing: Schedule regular meetings and adhere to the plan, especially with virtual teams.
3. Scope: Discuss current goals, feedback, development plans, and wellbeing, allowing time for suggestions and broader topics.
4. Tone: Balance formality and informality to reduce the power gap and keep the atmosphere positive.
5. Outcomes: Record key points, agree on actions, and schedule follow-ups.

By following this simple structure, you can make your one-on-one sessions productive and meaningful.

Learn more in our article and video How to Have a Great One-on-One.

Pain Points Podcast

Social sensitivity is the ability to recognize, interpret and respond to the emotions of others. In this week’s podcast, the team explores what this means in practice – and how you can improve your own social sensitivity to become a better manager and team player.

Subscribe Today

News Roundup

This Week's Global Workplace Insights

Any Volunteers?

Employees increasingly value their employer's corporate responsibility, says an article in Worklife. A remarkable 95 percent emphasize the importance of positive community impact, according to a Deloitte survey.

Companies are responding by offering diverse volunteering programs, especially skills-based opportunities, which align with employees' professional expertise and community needs. These initiatives not only enhance employee engagement and satisfaction but also aid nonprofits struggling to attract talent.

For instance, finance professionals might assist a nonprofit with financial planning, either through short-term projects or ongoing commitments. This approach also fosters stronger connections between employees and nonprofits, benefiting both parties.

Leadership can participate through board service programs, lending executive skills to nonprofit boards. These initiatives are particularly appealing to Gen Z employees seeking purpose-driven opportunities at work. Overall, such programs drive business impact, employee satisfaction, and social good, creating a win–win scenario for all involved.

Funny You Should Say That...

Humor is an often overlooked yet essential trait for effective leadership. At least so says The Conversation website. Before you wince at the memory of Michael Scott in “The Office,” consider this: humor can boost employees' psychological empowerment, job performance and wellbeing.

Despite its benefits, many managers are hesitant or unsure how to use humor appropriately. But help is at hand. A new academic paper introduces a humor toolkit for leaders, explaining the “why,” “when” and “how” of using humor in leadership.

Of course, some leaders are right to worry. Not everyone is good at being funny. Effective use of humor depends on the relationship between leader and employee, the context, and what the employee's like.

So leaders need to develop trusting relationships before using humor, weave it regularly into interactions, and allow employees to respond with their own humor. Negative and sarcastic humor are no-nos, and you need to rein it in when things are serious.

And remember: be natural and spontaneous. You’re not a stand-up comedian.

Your sense of humor needs to be an authentic part of your personality, not a performance. For more on authenticity, check out our article Authentic Leadership.

See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight from the Mind Tools team!