Managing Conflict With the Karpman Drama Triangle

When conflict rears its ugly head, how do you react? Do you take it personally, feel aggrieved and let everyone know about it? Perhaps you fire back at anyone you think is in the wrong. Or do you try to cure the conflict yourself, making it clear that you’re the only one up to the job?

Chances are you’ve used all these approaches at one time or another – maybe several in the same conversation! Your character, past experiences, ingrained habits, in-the-moment instincts, and other people’s behavior, all combine to shape your conflict response.

But does it work? Probably not. Because conflict is complicated – and so are we. The Karpman Drama Triangle is a tool that can help you handle conflict before it takes its toll. It focuses on three commonly played but highly problematic “roles,” and reveals how to replace them with healthier ones.

It’s a psychological model that can improve your own experience and outcomes. And, for managers and leaders, it’s a powerful way to guide others into a more positive and productive attitude to conflict at work.

What Is the Karpman Drama Triangle?

First developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman in 1968, the Drama Triangle is a model for understanding and managing conflict. [1]

Karpman noticed that unresolved conflict often involves people playing one of three common “roles” – Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor. All three are based on negative assumptions, about ourselves and others.

Karpman’s model also reveals the way these roles interconnect to trap people inside an escalating, adrenaline-soaked drama. At its worst, all parties feel under attack, and everyone blames everyone else.

But it is possible to escape: to step outside of the triangle, where things are much calmer, and there’s time and space to choose better ways to respond.

The Three Roles in the Karpman Drama Triangle

First, let’s take a closer look at the three points of the Karpman Drama Triangle:

• The Victim. Victims feel helpless, hard done by. Their inner voice often asks, “Why am I responsible for everything?” They don’t value their own abilities. They fret, complain and blame others. They’re also prone to blaming themselves, as victims of their own mistakes and misfortunes. “Why does this always happen to me?”
• The Rescuer jumps in to fix things or protect others, often without being asked. They say, “Let me take care of this for you,” and promise easy fixes but don’t value other people’s abilities to help themselves. They pay little attention to what others really need. They also reach for quick solutions to their own problems, distracting themselves with social-media scrolling, for example.
• The Persecutor controls, criticizes and blames. “Why didn’t you do what I said?” “This is your fault.” They don’t value other people’s views, professionalism, work ethic or integrity. They’re often angry, both openly and passively. And they can be overly demanding of themselves, full of self-blame when things go wrong.

People often shift between these roles within a single conversation, too. For example, a manager might start as a Rescuer, stepping in to support a struggling team member. But if that support goes unappreciated or fails, they may flip to the Persecutor role, expressing frustration – only to then feel like the Victim when their intentions are misunderstood.

What all three roles have in common are negative assumptions. Victims assume they’ve been let down. Rescuers assume others aren’t capable. Persecutors assume the faults lie in everyone else.

And this negativity makes all three roles toxic, especially when they clash.

Figure 1 – the Karpman Drama Triangle

An Example of The Drama Triangle at Work

Karpman Drama Triangle roles are seductive because they offer short-term relief and an illusion of control. But they undermine long-term trust and accountability.

Consider this scenario:

Josh is a team member who’s been leading a small but important project. At the weekly team meeting, senior manager Rohan asks for details that Josh doesn’t have – and reacts angrily, saying that Josh should have been ready for this, and must be more prepared next week.

Josh looks devastated. His line manager, Karthy, speaks up, explaining that Josh’s had extra responsibilities recently. She says she’ll help in any way she can, and show Josh how to be fully up to speed next time.

During the week, Josh repeatedly goes over this meeting in his head, berating himself for not being ready.

Meanwhile, Rohan has contacted Karthy separately, having decided that it’s actually Karthy’s fault that this project isn’t under control. He wants to know if Karthy needs more training to help her handle people like Josh. And he strongly hints that Karthy isn’t giving her management role the attention it requires.

The next day, Rohan receives an emotional email from Karthy, saying that she’s considering reporting him to the CEO for the way he spoke to her, and threatening to resign if she doesn’t receive an apology.

Rohan, in response, spends several minutes venting about Karthy’s attitude – and the performance of all the people she manages – at that week’s Senior Leadership lunch.

How many examples of the three Drama Triangle roles did you spot? Click on the panels below to learn about the different roles at play.

When Josh is criticized, he takes on the role of Victim. He acts and thinks like he’s a complete failure, to the point where he becomes a Persecutor of himself, for messing up.

Karthy instinctively plays Rescuer, keen for others to see how helpful she is. But later she becomes the Victim of Rohan’s wrath, and a Persecutor when she threatens her boss.

Rohan is clearly a Persecutor initially, but even he flips to being a Victim before the week is out.

It’s not hard to see how a cycle of conflict like this can drain energy and foster resentment on all sides.

What’s more, it can erode psychological safety – the sense that people can take risks, be honest, and make mistakes without fear. And if you’re stuck inside the Karpman Drama Triangle, conflict only gets worse.

Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle

To break the cycle, you need to step away from negative roles, and escape the Drama Triangle. In this healthier environment, everyone feels better and achieves more.

• Persecutors can still direct how things are done, but they drop the blame and find better ways to manage others to success.
• Rescuers still want to help, but do so by listening, caring and supporting people to find the answers themselves.
• And Victims may still struggle with challenges, but they understand the problems and have the confidence to solve them.

Here are two ways to escape the drama:

1. The Winner's Triangle was published by Acey Choy in 1990, and is a therapeutic model for improving social interactions. [2]

It recommends that:

• People feeling like a Victim should focus more on being vulnerable and on their ability to start solving problems for themselves.
• Anyone playing the role of Persecutor becomes assertive instead, losing the anger and blame.
• Someone in the Rescuer role will do better if they concentrate on caring for others, recognizing the support they really need – rather than performatively taking on the challenge themselves.

2. The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic), by consultant and executive coach David Emerald, defines a positive alternative to each of Karpman’s negative roles. [3]

• Instead of playing the Victim, he says, become a Creator. Creators focus on outcomes rather than problems. They take responsibility for their choices.
• Persecutors can be redefined as a Challenger – helping others to clarify their needs, especially the areas in which they’ll benefit from additional learning. And they keep hold of their own values, without expecting everyone else to do things exactly the same way.
• For Rescuers, Emerald recommends transitioning into the role of Coach, who sees people as capable of solving their own problems. Coaches ask questions that enable others to see what they can achieve. And Coaches can still enjoy the reflected glow when others shine.

Four Steps to Using the Karpman Drama Triangle

Putting all of this into action involves noticing what’s going on within interactions and relationships, recognizing negative dynamics, then consciously choosing your responses. Here are four steps to making that process work:

Step 1. Recognize the Triangle

Start noticing conversations that feel emotionally charged or stuck, and listen for telltale phrases that suggest someone may be playing one of Karpman’s three roles (including you!).

• A Victim may say things like, “No one ever sends me the information in time,” or “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.”
• Typical Rescuer language includes the phrases “Just do this,” and “I only wanted to help!”
• And a Persecutor may reveal themselves by saying, “They always mess this up.”

Step 2. Decide What You Want to Change

Ask yourself, "What’s the problem here? What role am I playing? Who else is assuming one of the three toxic roles? What’s the impact of the way we’re interacting? And what would a better dynamic look like?"

Step 3. Use Empowering Questions

All three Karpman Drama Triangle roles are based on negative assumptions. The antidote to that is asking empowering questions.

If someone is feeling like a Victim, try asking:

• “What’s the outcome you want?” (restoring their power)
• “What ideas do you have to solve this?” (encouraging them to be a Creator)
• “What needs to change here, and how will we make that happen?” (classic Challenger talk)
• “How can I support your next steps?” (to move into the role of Coach)

Likewise, you can ask a would-be Rescuer to focus on the coaching support they can offer, to tempt them away from their usual heroism.

And if someone’s fallen into the Persecutor role, try asking about which expectations could be clearer in future, or what conversations need to happen – to shift from antagonism to assertiveness; from judgment to guidance.

Step 4. Manage the Narrative

We can all play a part in reframing the narrative when conflict takes hold, but managers and leaders have a particularly important role here.

Get it right and you can help your team to get out of drama-based thinking, and start pursuing a more positive path.

• If team members say things like, “The rest of the group always lets me down” (Victim thinking), try reframing that with the question, “How can we clarify people’s roles and responsibilities?”
• If you hear, “I need to sort this out” from a Rescuer, why not suggest they shift to a “How can I help them grow through this?” approach?
• And “Why didn’t I just follow the instructions?” from a self-Persecutor could be reframed as, “What can I learn from this and try next time?”

Managing and Leading Beyond the Drama

We can all benefit from using The Karpman Drama Triangle to understand the conflict situations we find ourselves in, and to make better decisions about how we approach them.

Whatever your official status is at work, you can guide others to talk and act in a more helpful and healthy way, too. And, for managers and leaders, it’s a powerful tool for dealing with workplace conflict.

By recognizing the unconscious roles people play, and choosing to respond from a place of empowerment – not drama – managers can create space for healthier, more productive relationships, helping their whole team to build resilience, accountability, and long-lasting trust.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the Drama Triangle only relevant in high-conflict teams?

No. Even well-functioning teams can fall into these roles from time to time. Recognizing them helps prevent future dysfunction.

What if my team resists these reframed conversations?

Start small. Use curiosity and open questions. Over time, modeling empowered behavior helps others to follow suit.

Can I use this in performance reviews or difficult conversations?

Absolutely. Framing issues through an empowerment lens often leads to more honest, forward-looking discussions.

What if someone keeps dragging me back into the Drama Triangle?

Try to stay grounded in the empowerment roles yourself – Coach, Creator or Challenger – even if others aren’t. Set boundaries, and use empowering questions to gently guide the conversation out of drama mode.

How can I introduce the Drama Triangle concept to my team without sounding accusatory?

Frame it as a tool for self-awareness and growth, not blame. Share the model in a learning or development session, and emphasize that everyone slips into these roles at times. The goal is to recognize and move beyond them together.