Leadership Therapy

You can think of this book as a cheap alternative to seeing a therapist. But although it may be cheaper, reading it is just as soul–searching. The author isn't kidding when she says that her therapy sessions are less like applying Band–Aids, and more like undergoing major surgery.

So, if you're not ready to look at the cold, hard truths about yourself, then this book might not be for you. If, however, you know you've got some issues to work on and you're more than ready to address them, then "Leadership Therapy" is a must–read. The author's ultimate goal is to teach you how to become your own therapist. By the end of the book, she succeeds marvelously.

Even if you're not in a leadership role, you can still gain some valuable insights from this book. Many of us, whether we're managing others or not, have struggled with low self–esteem. We've all had to face problems with over or underachieving, finding a work–life balance, or learning to silence our inner critic. These are also issues the author tackles, and helps us overcome.

The author has spent over ten years working one–on–one with some of the brightest minds at Microsoft as their consulting psychologist. And this insightful, thought–provoking book draws their leadership issues together.

The book also includes numerous case studies from her work at Microsoft. These vignettes will appeal to the voyeur in all of us, as well as offering up some welcome comfort. You start to realize that if the leaders at Microsoft have to grapple with low confidence and self–awareness issues, then you might not be as inadequate as you thought.

So, keep listening and find out what characteristics are most important in a good leader, how to silence your inner critic once and for all, and why having power thrust upon you often doesn't work.

"Leadership Therapy" is divided into seven chapters. At the end of each chapter is a handy list called "Things to Think About". This covers the key points from each section – and it's where habitual skimmers will want to jump to first.

The author states that all leadership problems stem from an internal struggle in one or more of five key areas: Belief, Self–Awareness, Self–Confidence, Trust, or Power. These are things that all of us experience. But having problems with one of them can dramatically impact our success both at work, and in our personal life. Why? Because these are also the five characteristics that create an exceptional leader, so being comfortable in these areas is vital if you want to manage well.

The author spends the next five chapters covering each of these issues in detail, and she starts with belief. Her reason for this starting point is that understanding what you believe is a vital first step to becoming a better leader.

When you think about it, she's right. What you believe is the foundation for how you act and how you treat people. Your beliefs act as essential stabilizers as you go through change, so knowing them is key to moving forward in life.

The author outlines a wonderful step–by–step process in this chapter that teaches you how to identify your beliefs. She also shows you how to use story telling to make your beliefs have a greater impact at work. By the end of this section, you'll have a clear understanding of why it's so important for teams to know what their leaders believe in, and how you can use storytelling to illustrate this.

The next chapter is all about confidence. One common saboteur to our confidence is the dreaded Inner Critic. Most of us can identify with this one. The Inner Critic is the voice inside our heads that's constantly telling us we're going to fail. In therapy–speak, this negative self–talk is called Fortune Telling.

The way to beat this is to restructure how we think. How do we do that? Well, the author asserts that our brains cannot consciously multi–task. We can't think of two things at once. So, she suggests we "fire the critic and hire a coach." Every time your critic tells you you're not smart enough, consciously think the opposite. Think, I AM smart enough. I DO have something valuable to offer.

When you make yourself think the opposite, your critic has to be quiet. Engaging in healthy self–talk is key to turning your thoughts around. Many people don't believe it at first, but you really do have a choice about what you think.

There's also an enlightening list detailing the type of thinking that goes along with your Inner Critic. One of these is what the author calls "all or nothing thinking." This is when you start looking at things in black or white. For example, you might think, "One mistake, and that's it. I'm a failure." But, we all know that, in most cases, this isn't true.

Knowing the types of thinking your personal critic latches on to is key to recognizing it when it pops up. Then, you can start your healthy self–talk to make the voice pipe down. Most people will find this list incredibly helpful, and it's one of the many sections where you'll be nodding your head as you recognize some of your own thought patterns.

Chapter four covers self–awareness. This is to do with how well we know ourselves, and the impact we have on others. The author stresses that many leaders have no idea how their words or actions affect their team. And this lack of attention can be very damaging to their relationships. She offers up several clues to help us identify our level of self–awareness.

There's also a section that covers the three main types of leadership styles: passive, assertive, and aggressive. This list also helps us discover which type we are. All in all, this is a truly enlightening chapter that contains all sorts of valuable tips on managing our behaviors.

Chapter five covers trust, and how important it is for leaders to trust their teams. One of the central points the author makes here is that, as leaders, we have to accept the fact that people do things differently. When working with a team, it's easy for trust to be destroyed if leaders insist things are done their way, in a bid to assert control. She gives a useful checklist that can help leaders identify trust issues and begin to work through them with their people.

One tip on the list is to reinforce common bonds. Yes, everyone on your team is different, but what's the one thing you're all here for? The author says that reminding your team of common bonds is a great way to start re–establishing trust and communication.

Chapter six goes into power and ambition. The author starts off by looking at French and Raven's classification of the five types of power, which will be familiar to many Mind Tools readers. Among these is "reward power," which is what leaders are using when they rely on things like bonuses and promotions to get their team to perform.

There's also "coercive power." This is when leaders use threats, like demotion or censure, to make people obey them. This leadership style uses fear to get results. If you're wondering if you're using your power in the most effective way, this is where you're going to find the answer.

The author next goes into the five situations in which power can actually become a stumbling block. One example is when a leadership role is thrust upon us.

For example, some people find themselves in a leadership position before they're ready for it. In this case, they can become intimidated by their own role as leader. To compensate, they change their behavior to fit the mold of what they think a leader should be. As a result, they end up far less effective than they would have been in their old position.

The author gives great tips for each circumstance on how we can overcome these stumbling blocks and achieve the greatness we're capable of.

She next dives into the complicated topic of ambition. Most people will be surprised to learn that there are several different types of ambition. Some, like positive ambition, are healthy for leaders to have. For example, leaders with healthy ambition create a clear vision of success, prefer to be part of a team, and focus on the journey instead of the end result.

The opposite of this is narcissistic ambition. Leaders with this type of ambition believe the ends always justify the means, and they have no problem exploiting their teams to get results.

The rest of chapter six covers topics such as identifying where our ambition comes from, and how we can embrace our power and ambition to become better leaders.

The last chapter goes into how we can pull all this information together to become our own therapist. The author rightly assumes that not all of us have the time, money, or inclination to hire a professional therapist. So she gives us a handy checklist that teaches us how we can do it on our own.

Her first piece of advice is: know when to start. She urges that if you're experiencing a general feeling of unhappiness in your work, it might be time to start working on some of these issues.

You'll next want to assess your problem, make a plan, and then create a 50–minute hour. This is a way to carve out some time for yourself during the day, as it allows you to slow down for 10 minutes and just be.

The author stresses that most leaders spend their entire day doing things that must be done and lurching from one crisis to the next. Even though this is often a necessary part of business, it leaves little time to slow down and recuperate.

Although this section clearly shows just how important it is to take time for ourselves during the day, there are very few tips on how to actually accomplish this. Readers might be left wanting more.

The last step for self–therapists is to enlist the support of someone who's given you encouragement in the past. Getting feedback from people you trust is a great way to assess how you're doing, and the author gives us a few tips on how to do this.

At the very end of the book the author has included some helpful worksheets that readers can use to assess what kind of leader they are now, and what kind of leader they'd like to become.

So, does "Leadership Therapy" fulfill the promise of helping us become better leaders? Absolutely. The book is chock full of more information than we could possibly cover here. Those of you interested in becoming better, more effective leaders will be in for a treat with this book. The author goes into exactly the right amount of detail with each chapter, and you're left feeling more aware of what's going on between your ears.

Readers will find themselves flying through the pages. Why? Because the information is not only interesting, but also illuminating. The author poses questions that reach into the depths of our subconscious, addressing issues we may rarely, if ever, think about. It's a fascinating journey into our hearts and minds, and most people will be able to learn something about themselves by the end.

The case studies from Microsoft leaders are extremely useful for illustrating the points and situations she's talking about. There's never any doubt about how these behaviors would play out in real situations. You see it clear as day, thanks to Microsoft.

"Leadership Therapy" by Anna Rowley, PhD, is published in hardback by Palgrave Macmillan.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Click here to buy the book from Amazon. Thanks for listening.