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George Clooney's humanitarian aid work. Beyoncé championing gender equality. Elon Musk aiming for Mars. With such powerful people in the public eye, it’s easy to think leadership is about changing the world.
While it’s good to look up to others and admire their achievements, doing so can make us miss the small stuff. The things we aIl do – every day – that improve people’s lives.
Lollipop Moments
Drew Dudley calls these ‘lollipop moments’. [1] The term comes from his university days when a student thanked him. Years earlier, she was about to quit uni life when she saw Dudley handing out lollies to raise money for charity. He quipped to the guy beside her, "You need to give a lollipop to the beautiful woman standing next to you." [2]
The moment made such a deep impression that she decided to stay on. What’s more, she dated and eventually married that embarrassed student. (Dudley went to their wedding.)
Starting Small
The lollipop moment symbolizes the possibility of everyday leadership - or our ability to make the life of another person better. Most of us do it every day, perhaps without even realizing.
As Dudley says, "We need to redefine leadership as being about lollipop moments, how many of them we create, how many of them we acknowledge, how many of them we pay forward and how many of them we say thank you for." [3]
Listen Up
To impact someone’s life you must first resonate with them. That’s why being a good listener is a useful tool for everyday leaders. When Dudley approached the fresher, he may have spotted slumped shoulders, fidgeting hands or a trembling lip; body language that showed her unease and need of a pick-me-up. Being a good listener means decoding what you hear and see. To improve, you can:
- ask questions to clarify you understand what someone’s saying
- repeat their key points to show you’re listening
- mirror body language to put them at ease and open up [4]
It’s not all about the other person, either. By listening, you’ll learn new things, gain fresh insights and appreciate different perspectives.
Show You're Human
High-profile leaders can make us reluctant to take credit for benevolent acts or recognize those who make them. As a leader, you can help others appreciate kindness as a leadership quality. To do it, show your vulnerable side by:
- admitting (and filling) a knowledge gap by asking someone in your team for help
- sharing a personal story with your team
- owning up to a mistake and showing your team it’s OK to take chances and fall short
By acknowledging your weaknesses, you’ll show yourself as relatable and encourage people to be open with you. [5] That way, they’ll feel able to get something off their chest and you can choose the right words or actions to help.
Be Positive
From talent show contestants getting grilled by ‘experts’ to politicians squabbling on social media, there's no shortage of negative leaders out there. Being positive is tougher but far more rewarding.
When thanked by the student, Dudley couldn’t remember his kind act. It took a simple ‘thank you’ to inspire him to place more importance on – and do more – benevolent acts.
To practice everyday leadership - and inspire others to do more good - try giving constructive feedback. With your team, you can:
- commend people on a positive action they can feel good about
- explain the impact (or lollipop-effect) of the act so they can do more of them
- set goals they can work towards, steps to take and offer them support to get there
By giving clear and constructive feedback, you’ll reinforce good working habits, practice everyday leadership and inspire others to do the same.
What Everyday Leadership Looks Like
For performance consultant Kelah Raymond, "everyday leadership is when employees takeintentional and daily actions to foster better connection, communication and community within their organization." [6]
That means everyone can be a leader. The receptionist who answers the phone with a pleasant tone even though he’s having a bad day. Right through to the manager who orders takeaway for employees working late in the office.
As Dudley explains, "If you change one person’s understanding of what they’re capable of…of how much people care about them…of how a powerful an agent of change they can be in this world; you’ve changed the whole thing." [7]
References[1] Drew Dudley, ‘The Lollipop Moment’ (2012). Available
here (accessed 30 July 2023)
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Áine Cain, ‘6 body language tricks that are hard to master but will pay off for life’ (2018). Available
here (accessed 30 July 2023)
[5] Harvey Deutschendorf, ‘7 Situations Where Vulnerability Is The Best Management Strategy’ (2017). Available
here (accessed 30 July 2023).
[6] Kelah Raymond, ‘5 essential traits of effective everyday leadership’. Available
here (accessed 30 July 2023).
[7] Drew Dudley, ‘The Lollipop Moment’. (2012) Available at: https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/drew-dudley/leadership-ted-x_b_1989764.html
