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Most of us have an innate desire to please, which can often lead us to say yes to things we would rather say no to. Although a positive ‘can-do’ approach seems to be the best way of getting ahead, saying yes to everything can have a negative impact on work and health. This article will show you how to say no occasionally, while still appearing an enthusiastic team player.
Change Your Attitude
Free yourself of the belief that saying no means you will be seen as unhelpful or selfish. There must have been times when you asked someone for something, only to be told that they were busy at the moment and would you mind waiting? Were you offended when this happened or did you fully understand that the other person had their own responsibilities and priorities? Turn this around and apply it to yourself.
Define Your Own Goals, Objectives and Responsibilities
This will enable you to make them clear to other people. It will also help you prioritize and manage your time, so you'll be able to see when you have spare time available to help others with their requests.
Understand What's Involved
If someone asks you for help and you think you may have the time to take on extra responsibilities, make sure you fully understand the finer points of what is involved before accepting/declining the request. It could be more time-consuming than you initially thought. On the other hand, it may not take much of your time at all.
Be Polite but Firm
Pay attention to your voice, making sure you say no clearly while looking the other person in the eye, so there can be no doubt about your response and no scope for negotiation. It can be useful to share the reasons behind why you are saying no, as this is more likely to help the other person accept your decision without thinking badly of you, e.g. ‘I can’t help you write your report as I have to finish the budget report for the team meeting this afternoon.’ Suggesting alternative solutions to their request can also help soften the blow of your refusal, e.g. ‘I can’t help you write your report as I have to finish the budget report this afternoon. However, I have ten minutes to spare tomorrow morning so I could look over what you have written then.’
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No to Your Manager
If your manager asks you to do something you don’t have time for, can’t do or just think is a bad idea, it can be especially difficult to say no. In this situation, it’s important to tread carefully, but still make your case.
- Be certain: make sure your reasons for saying no are valid. You don’t want to say no and discover later that you could and should have said yes.
- Give yourself leeway: if you have to give an answer on the spot, a qualified yes is better than a yes you later retract. For example: 'I should be able to do that, as long as I can get X finished first.'
- Ask for help: if your workload is too heavy, go through everything you have on and ask your manager to identify what could wait or be delegated to someone else.
- Offer alternatives: if you think there is a better way to achieve what your manager wants, don’t be afraid to gently suggest it as an alternative. It may be easiest to phrase it as a question: 'Have you thought about doing X as an alternative? That might be quicker/easier etc.'
The stronger your relationship with your manager, the easier it will be to disagree with them, so try to establish a good working relationship where they know they can count on you. That is likely to make them more open to hearing your dissenting opinions.
Never Say ‘Maybe’ When You Mean No
A ‘maybe’ can often be interpreted as a potential yes, which can unfairly raise expectations – the requester will be disappointed and will think badly of you when you eventually turn them down.
When You Can’t Avoid Saying Yes …
There are occasions when saying yes is inevitable. These tips will help you say yes while still protecting your time and responsibilities.
- Agree, but tell them that they owe you a favor in return.
- Agree, but take control by saying you will come back to them within a certain timeframe e.g. ‘I’ll be able to summarize this report for you by next Friday.’
- Agree, but with conditions e.g. ‘If it will only take ten minutes I’m happy to help but I’m afraid I can’t give you any more time than that today.’
- Tell the person you’ll agree to their request this time but ask them to think about how you can both plan better next time to ensure they don’t spring such requests on you.
