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When it comes to networking and relationship-building, small talk can be extremely valuable. It can help get conversations started, make people feel at ease and allow them to get to know one another. And, of course, successful small talk can sometimes lead to ‘bigger’ talk: finalizing a deal, solving a problem or making a decision, for example. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time, or want to get a conversation with an existing contact off to a friendly start, these tips will help you master the art of small talk.
Have Some Icebreakers up Your Sleeve
When meeting someone for the first time, particularly in a networking environment, it can sometimes be difficult to know what to say at first – it’s one of the reasons why many people find small talk challenging. But with a few good icebreakers up your sleeve, you should be able to kick-start any kind of conversation. Open questions that encourage the other person to share something about themselves are usually the most effective. Here are some initial ideas to get you started:
- What’s your connection to the event? What brings you here? (This can be easily adapted for social events: ‘How do you know the bride and groom/birthday girl?’)
- What do you know about the speaker? Have you seen him/her speak before? Did you enjoy the speaker?
- What keeps you busy when you’re not at work or events like these?
Keep It Light
Unless you know the other person very well, it’s always best to stick to safe, un-contentious topics. Be sure to avoid issues like health, politics, money or religion, which might cause offense or make the other person feel awkward or uncomfortable. Needless to say, personal problems should be left at the door.
Safer topics usually include the weather, local or industry news, seasonal events (summer/festive period/bank holidays), interesting and/or relevant wider news items, and TV, music and film. If you do find the conversation edging into contentious territory, move onto a new topic - avoid being drawn into an argument at all costs!
Go With the Flow
While it’s a good idea to have a couple of icebreaker questions and conversation topics in mind, it’s also important to engage with the discussion as it unfolds. Unless there’s a good chance the other person will bring up an unfamiliar or technical subject, don’t worry about preparing for every potential topic. Your conversations should flow naturally, so think of your favorite questions and icebreakers as prompts to help keep the conversation moving, rather than a script.
Listen Out for Clues
When it comes to small talk, even seemingly mundane topics can help you learn more about the person you’re chatting to. The weather is a great example. If the other person says something like ‘This cold snap makes summer seem like ages ago', you could ask them if they went on holiday. Similarly, if the other person mentions that the rain is making it difficult for them to walk their dog, you could ask them more about their pets. If you listen out for the clues and ask some good follow-up questions, these seemingly innocuous exchanges can often lead to deeper, richer conversations.
Be Aware of Body Language
When engaging in small talk, the other person’s body language can tell you a lot about how they feel about the conversation. If they’re leaning in, nodding or giving verbal feedback, they’re probably quite engaged. If they’re looking around the room, checking their watch every few minutes, or their eyes have glazed over, they have probably lost interest. To prevent this from happening, make sure you ask the other person lots of open questions, and listen out for clues about what really interests or excites them. Finally, make sure that you’re giving the other person plenty of opportunity to speak; if you monopolize the conversation, you’re likely to lose their interest.
Play The Name Game
When you get chatting to someone for the first time, it’s important to find out their name. While people normally exchange names straight away at formal networking events, it’s not always possible (or appropriate) to do this at the start of more informal or spontaneous conversations. In these situations you can wait for an appropriate pause in the discussion and then use a phrase like ‘I’m sorry, I’m X, what’s your name?’ This will enable you and the other person to exchange names without causing too much disruption to the flow of the conversation.
If the other person tells you their name and you happen to forget it, don’t guess and run the risk of getting it wrong! It might feel slightly awkward or embarrassing to admit you can’t remember the other person's name, but if you are honest and apologetic, they should understand. A phrase like ‘I’m so sorry, can you remind me of your name again?’ can be helpful in this kind of situation.
Listen Actively
When the other person is talking, be sure to demonstrate that you are listening by leaning in, nodding in the right places, and giving verbal feedback (‘Really?’, ‘What happened next?’ etc). Avoid glancing around the room while the other person is talking, or doing anything else that might indicate you’re not giving the other person your full attention (e.g. looking at your watch or checking your phone).
Bring Energy to The Conversation
A little enthusiasm goes a long way when it comes to comes to small talk: smile, laugh and don’t be afraid to inject a little of your personality into the conversation. It’s vital, however, to do this in an appropriate manner, and to take the type of event, the nature of the discussion and the other person’s conversational style into account.
Be Careful With Shop Talk
If you’re chatting to fellow professionals, the topic of work is bound to come up at some point. When this happens it’s important to provide an appropriate amount of detail. Too little and you might come across as guarded or defensive; too much and you risk losing the other person’s interest. Of course, at formal networking events your conversations are likely to have more of a business focus.
Play Host
If people come to join your conversation, introduce them to the person you’ve been speaking to and provide a summary of what you’ve just been discussing (e.g. ‘We’ve just been talking about the bank holiday – what are your plans?). It’s a great way of making everyone feel at ease and ensuring the conversation continues to flow without undue disruption.
Remember the Details
If you’re chatting to someone you’re likely to meet again, make a mental note (or a physical one, if you prefer, after the event) of some of the key things you’ve learned: their children’s names, for example, or the destination of their next holiday. When you come to meet them again, you can ask ‘How is X getting on at university?’ or ‘How was that trip to Turkey?’ This is a great way of demonstrating that you remember your previous conversation with the other person, and it will help you both pick up where you left off.
Before attending an event, it’s a good idea to find out if any of your existing contacts are going to be there. If they are, spend some time recalling what you learned about them during your last conversation and think of some good follow-up questions to ask when you see them again.
Exit Gracefully
In any conversation, there will come a point when the discussion draws to a close. In some cases this will happen naturally. But in others, you might need to actively end the conversation, either because there are other people you need to talk to, or you simply feel the discussion has run its course. Doing this can sometimes make people feel awkward or uncomfortable, but there are a couple of strategies you can adopt to make sure you exit the conversation tactfully.
If there are other people who you know at the event, you could offer to introduce the person you’ve been speaking to to someone else. Alternatively, you could ask them to introduce you to someone they know. Another option is to simply explain what you’re going to do next (‘I really need to speak to X/prepare for the next session/grab something from the buffet.’). However, when doing this, it’s important to be honest – if you say you need to make an important phone call and the other person then finds you chatting to someone else, any trust or rapport you built with them will be jeopardized. Finally, you could say something positive but conclusive like ‘Well, it’s been great meeting you.' This should signal to the other person that you’re ready to move on without causing any offense.
