Get Out of Your Own Way at Work: And Help Others to Do the Same

Goulston claims that "He didn't start his career as a clinical psychiatrist with the intention of going into the business world. It came calling on him." That statement seems more than credible, given how incisive his descriptions are, and how useful most of his strategies seem to be for overcoming self-defeating behaviors.

Why put off confronting procrastination any longer? Keep listening, and we'll reveal the author's clever explanation for why procrastination comes so easily to so many of us – and how we can defeat this crippling habit. We'll also get inside the head of a chief executive whose fear of confrontation nearly derails his brilliant career – and learn the difference between direct communication and bluntness through the eyes of a recent college graduate.

First, let's focus on how the book operates, and then we'll nail down what works best and what doesn't quite work. In 40 short, brisk chapters, the author takes us through what you could see as an extended version of the "seven deadly sins." Indeed, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride all get an airing here, in one form or another, and so do literally dozens of other self-defeating vices.

Before getting down to case studies from his own practice, the author frames the discussion in a way you'd expect from a psychiatrist: dysfunctional behaviors stem from patterns we learn as children. This leads him to a powerful insight: office social structures tend to imitate family structures: the employee takes the role of child to the parent-like boss.

From here, the author gets to the meat of the analysis he'll use again and again in the book: when issues within our biological families are left unresolved, we risk acting them out in the workplace. His analysis works something like this: the child who learns from her parents that authority is harsh and arbitrary can morph into the boss from hell.

And the kid who grows up without discipline or expectations, can end up as the unreliable visionary, capable of coming up with a break-through idea but just as likely to miss a critical deadline. These dysfunctional behaviors share one common trait: they stem from fear.

The author's ideas are based solidly on a major strand of modern psychological theory: adult dysfunction is often linked to unresolved childhood issues. His contribution is to deftly apply that analysis to the workplace. By helping us see the reasons why people behave in self-damaging ways, the author promises to show us a way out of these behaviors.

Let's see how his method works in practice. Earlier, you heard that the book might have something to teach those of us who tend to put off important tasks – and you know who you are. Let's use the topic of procrastination as a starting point.

The chapter titled "procrastinating" centers on an anecdote about a successful magazine editor named George, who has one major character flaw: he tends to start working on articles just before the deadline. Normally, George's sheer talent as a writer, combined with his expertise in his field, is more than enough to make up for his late starts. One time, though, George pushes his luck too far – his tardiness forces his company to miss a key printing deadline, costing it serious money. George receives an ultimatum from his supervisor: stop pushing deadlines, or leave the job.

The author starts by analyzing the roots of procrastination. "If you procrastinate," he says, "you have probably done things in the past that turned out badly, or you received a negative reaction from authority figures – parents, teachers, coaches, or other adults." So, as time passes, you become more reluctant to take action because you're scared of being punished for doing things wrong.

Armed with this insight, what are we to do? For George, the author comes up with a plan that's characteristic of this book: Collaborate with someone who has a stake in your improvement. This example has a twist. In his sessions with the author, George begins to identify with his school-age son, a talented kid who struggles with attention deficit disorder, or ADD, and underachieves at school.

George realizes his child's difficulty with concentration makes him fear academic tasks, which causes him to put off his homework. In short, ADD has turned his son into a procrastinator.

For the author, the solution is clear: Father and son should work together on their mutual problem. George begins to bring home the work he used to put off. In the evening, he shares the kitchen table with his son – the one working through his office to-do list, the other applying himself to school work. Working together, father and son confront their common demon.

Of course, not everyone's self-defeating habits can be so neatly addressed. To his credit, the author lays out a more general strategy in the "action steps" feature that ends each chapter. To avoid procrastination, he advises, collaborate with a workmate who also tends to put things off. Together, you'll force each other to stay on top of projects.

If George's story doesn't quite describe your own procrastination problem, don't fret. The author returns to the core problem of procrastination in one form or another several times. He calls it "an epidemic, and one of the most common self-sabotaging behaviors." Chapters titled "Staying too long in a job you should leave," "Wasting time," and "Lacking Self-Discipline" all address the problem of putting off important tasks, and each adds a unique way of looking at the problem, while offering slightly different ways of addressing it.

Get Out of Your Own Way at Work doesn't only focus on problems that affect most of us, like procrastination. It also offers useful analysis and advice on more serious and less common patterns – like being overly blunt or too passive.

One of the book's most vivid chapters, on the "Fear of Confrontation," tells the story of Frank, the founder and CEO of a small but successful technology firm. At the pinnacle of his success, Frank begins to flounder. He misses key meetings and leaves work early and without notice. Eventually, his own detachment affects his company's bottom line, and draws the attention of the board of directors.

What's happened to Frank? It turns out he's recently hired a new CFO, a well-respected, older man known for his aggressive tactics in maintaining financial order. The CFO performs his job flawlessly, except for one thing: His blunt manner intimidates and even humiliates the people who work under him.

But it isn't just the CFO's bullying that has wrecked the company's morale. It's also Frank's own refusal, or inability, to stand up to the man he himself hired. When the company's employees realize that their well-liked CEO is going to let the nightmare CFO run roughshod, they lose faith that their own work will be properly valued, and their performance declines.

In short, Frank himself has begun to feel intimidated by the CFO, and rather than confront him, Frank chooses to retreat from his own company. Talk about getting in his own way! Frank has let his fear of confrontation threaten the survival of the company he spent his career building.

Predictably but plausibly, the author finds the reason for this in Frank's troubled childhood. It turns out that Frank was the "child of a gruff, alcoholic father who verbally and physically abused his children." Frank saw that when his mother fought back, it only brought more abuse.

Frank left home as soon as he could, immersing himself in school and later in a brilliant career in search of the respect he never got from his father. But by the time the overbearing CFO arrives, Frank's old avoidance strategy no longer brings positive results. Rather than diving into textbooks, he is now seeking solace at the golf course during business hours. Instead of launching a brilliant career, his flight strategy is ruining an established one.

The author's remedy for this situation won't be a surprise: It's time for Frank to confront his rogue CFO. But the strategy presented for doing this is original and compelling. When a confrontation becomes necessary, the author suggests avoiding personal attacks at all costs. Instead, choose a principle and then stand up for it.

In a confrontation based on a personal attack, you might call an overbearing manager an insensitive jerk. The result would be predictable: a bitter fight, probably with bridges getting burned.

In a confrontation based on a principle, though, you can make clear that you're not attacking the person, but rather defending the organization against specific behavior patterns.

The author doesn't stop there. He introduces a confrontation strategy called "root for you or against you." In this tactic, you look for something you can value in the person you're confronting. Once you've found it, you've got your rhetorical lever. You open the confrontation by telling the other person that you'd like to root for him because of this admirable quality, but you're having trouble doing so. Why? Because that person keeps violating a principle that you must stand up for. And if he keeps violating that principle, you'll have no choice but to root against him.

In the author's example, Frank uses just this strategy to confront the unpleasant CFO. Rather than launching an out-of-control shouting match, as Frank had feared, the man responds graciously, admitting that he has a problem with aggression. In the end, the two resolve their differences, and the company's performance improves dramatically.

As the chapter on confrontation shows, the author is particularly strong on the ins and outs of office communication. Throughout the book, he advocates an ethos of direct but measured communication. This idea gets particular attention in a chapter titled "Being Too Blunt."

It's all about Lucy, a recent graduate who's entered a male-dominated office. Initially, Lucy struggles to make herself heard in meetings, where she feels discounted or ignored by the guys who are there. These uncomfortable experiences wrenched her back to childhood, when she had to compete with six siblings for the attention of two working parents. To counter rising anxiety caused by feeling invisible, she reverts to a strategy that had gained her attention as a child: inappropriate bluntness.

At meetings, she wins the floor by cutting off long-winded colleagues. In the lunchroom, she raises eyebrows by dismissing an absent colleague as "a zero." Predictably, rather than rise within the company's ranks, she sees her career stall. Her boss begins to keep her out of client meetings, fearing that she might blurt out something offensive. In the author's analysis, Lucy was "desperate for attention, and approval," so she "acted in ways that pushed people away, when in fact she wanted to feel closer."

To describe the key distinction between direct communication and inappropriate bluntness, the author comes up with a powerful metaphor: "Blunt instruments are best for smashing rocks; they have no subtlety and don't take much intelligence to use. More specialized tools, like fine-edged circular saws, require skill and even artistry to use. Carpenters get more respect than rock smashers."

His advice is to slow down. The next time you feel yourself on the verge of spouting off, count to three and reflect on whether what you're about to say is driven by a desire to be constructive – or a need to grab the limelight. If your aim was attention, he says, "hold your fire."

While that advice would certainly have helped Lucy temper her bluntness, it wouldn't have counteracted the structural issues that inspired her to spout off in the first place. The author does acknowledge that sexism could be a factor in Lucy's plight, but he doesn't provide adequate strategies for how Lucy could effectively negotiate it.

That caveat aside, the chapters on confrontation and bluntness are typical of the book's overall high quality. Yet almost inevitably in a book with forty chapters, some of the material seems repetitive or too simple. Take the chapter on "Not Learning from Your Mistakes." No doubt, this is a subject many of us could use help with. But the treatment here seems a little shallow and confused – especially compared to the stronger chapters.

For one thing, rather then draw out a compelling case study, the author keeps things at a general level, save for a brief mention of former US President Bill Clinton's struggle to face up to his extra-marital misadventures. Moreover, he seems to mix up "not learning from one's mistakes" with the separate problem of not admitting them.

The author tells us that "Ironically, when you fail to own up to your mistakes, the situation becomes worse. This is because the more you deny, the more deeply you become invested in your mistake." This is sage advice, but it doesn't exactly address the question of how to learn from one's mistakes.

It's in this chapter's "Action Steps" that we really find the author asleep at the wheel. Action Step One advises "Admit mistakes as soon as you can." But then just a few lines down, in Action Step Three, he re-states the case, advising "Own up to a mistake as soon as possible."

Yet even a relatively weak chapter like this one offers practical nuggets that are worth remembering. For example, when you make a truly regrettable blunder on the job, the author suggests you think carefully about what you would do differently if you could do it over again. Even more importantly, you should think carefully about the warning signs that would help prevent you from repeating the mistake in the future.

And here's the kicker – he suggests that you share your self-analysis with your boss. This strategy seems well designed to transform your reputation from that of a bungler, to that of a thoughtful person who learns from her mistakes.

Reading through Get Out of Your Own Way at Work feels a bit like walking through a crowded train station with walls that are periodically hung with mirrors. Amid the strange faces that flit by, you keep seeing yourself. Likewise you're sure to see yourself in all too many of the unhealthy patterns on display in this book.

The comforting thing is that when you do experience the shock of recognition, the author is there with a solid analysis of how you acquired those behaviors, and clever strategies for shaking them off and starting fresh.

And even when you don't see yourself in a chapter, you're likely to recognize one of your workmates, employees, or bosses. By giving you insights into why people act the way they do, Getting out of Your Own Way at Work really does enable you to Help Others Do the Same, as the book's subtitle puts it.

And not to be overly blunt, but we feel certain that nearly everyone could benefit from this book's wide range of solid advice. If you find yourself wasting time at work by procrastinating, don't put off getting hold of this book.

Get Out of Your Own Way at Work ... and Help Others Do the Same by Mark Goulston is published in paperback by Perigee, a division of Penguin.

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