Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace

In it, Helgesen extends the theme of inclusivity to a wider range of groups. It's not just about how women succeed, but how everyone can, including people from groups traditionally thought of as disadvantaged.

As you might expect, "Rising Together" has much to say to leaders about how to deliver inclusivity and cultural change. But it's not just aimed at the C-Suite. There's plenty here for HR professionals, team managers, and anyone else who wants to build a career in an organization that still hasn't quite got the memo about inclusivity.

So keep listening to hear more about the negative power of "triggers," why competence beats confidence, and how developing personal authority can benefit everyone in your organization.

The book is organized into two parts, and the first is all about triggers. Each of its eight chapters addresses a particular trigger, so it's worth taking a look at what triggers are, what they do, and what their wider effects are.

A trigger is an incident that provokes a negative emotional response. So, say one or more of your co-workers talks over you in meetings. Every meeting. Your initial response might be shock and anger. Then, as the behavior becomes routine, it may harden. You may begin to make negative assumptions about your co-worker and why they're doing it.

The initial emotional reaction to a trigger is natural. It's rooted in an adrenaline surge we experience when we feel threatened. That's a key part of our hardwired fight-or-flight response. But it's all too often harmful, leading to aggressive counter-behaviors that cause more damage, both to our own reputations, and team harmony.

So how should we respond?

Take the trigger of being talked over in a meeting. That's a challenge to our identity, and our right to be present in the meeting. It makes us feel invisible, or at least easy to ignore. That's surely enough to justify a little rage.

Not so. Helgesen advises that the best way to deal with a trigger is to write what she calls an "alternative script."

When we experience a trigger, we tend to tell ourselves a story about it. We characterize the person who talks over us in a meeting as rude and ignorant. We might even criticize ourselves for not standing up to someone who's obviously a bully.

Helgesen suggests that, instead, we look for positive intent. Maybe the other person just lacks a few social skills, or is passionate about their ideas. If we reframe their behavior in the most positive way possible, it becomes easier to respond to it calmly and logically.

This doesn't mean we should become doormats for others, however. Helgesen is very much in favor of assertiveness. But it does mean that we have to try harder to recognize and accept triggers for what they are, and act rationally on them.

Now, you might be thinking, "Wait! That sounds inauthentic." If we don't respond actively, even aggressively, to triggers, then we're not being true to ourselves. Helgesen's argument is pragmatic. The adrenaline-fueled initial response will not get results. Whereas, by writing an alternative script, we can begin to work toward a resolution while avoiding conflict.

The book casts a surprisingly skeptical eye on generally held ideas of authenticity. If we're absolutely true to ourselves and our values, then we run the risk of increasing our susceptibility to triggers.

This need to avoid the negative outcomes of triggering is a thread that runs through the book.

But what other triggers are there, and how should we try to cope with them?

Some of Helgesen's ideas challenge common perceptions. For example, that we can never be too confident. Confidence can bring us many advantages. It can allow us to face challenges without feeling overwhelmed. It's often prioritized by recruiters, particularly for leadership positions. And sometimes it's prioritized over mere competence.

But if confidence outstrips competence, it can cause serious problems. Take the example of the lawyer who was promoted to lead the maritime law division of his company, despite having little experience of maritime law himself. He was confident that he could make up for the shortfall in his knowledge with his many other management accomplishments.

But his ignorance was exposed by the complexity of the field his company worked in. After some poor decisions and serious misgivings amongst his junior colleagues, he was replaced. Confidence can only take you so far.

A better response? How about this from the one-time chief executive of Ford, Alan Mulally, who was brought into the ailing car giant from the aerospace industry? Questioned about his car-industry competence by skeptical Ford lifers, he freely admitted he didn't have all the answers. But he pointed out that the company was full of people who did. And, crucially, he undertook to learn.

So the key is, when faced with a challenge, don't be triggered into believing that mere confidence will see you through.

On the other hand, it's good to have a clear idea of how competent you need to be to move up, and not to shortchange yourself. That sort of quiet confidence will always be beneficial.

Communication is another area that triggers people. How often do we find ourselves puzzled or exasperated by the way a co-worker communicates? Modern working environments often have diverse groups of people with a wide range of communication styles. And they often require us to temper our personal authenticity to get things done.

For Helgesen, communication is shaped by three key factors: what we notice, what we value in what we notice, and how we then tell a story about what we notice. So it's pretty obvious that how we see situations and what we observe in them is fundamental to how we communicate.

For example, there's a difference between the ways people notice things. It's the difference between lasers and radar. People with laser focus notice things in sequence. They typically value succinct communication, and the ability to get straight to the point.

People with radar focus are more likely to notice a wider range of detailed information and connect the dots between elements. Their sensitivity to background information means they're more open to other points of view.

When it comes to communicating, these differences can be a source of conflict. A person with laser focus may become frustrated that a radar focuser doesn't get to the point, and includes unnecessary detail. A radar focuser may think that a laser focuser hasn't fully understood an issue. Either way, they can end up misunderstanding each other, and ascribing the failure to communicate to the other person.

The challenge is for each kind of person to understand and modify their communication styles. Laser noticers need to recognize the importance of seeing the whole picture, and become patient listeners. Radar noticers have to learn to communicate in a way that laser noticers can understand, without losing interest.

Successful and inclusive communication requires more, though. We need to be professional. Helgesen offers a list of professional characteristics that aid communication. It includes patience, respect for others' time, and the importance of thinking through what you're going to say in advance.

Above all, inclusive communication needs to be clear. This means that we all need to lose the jargon, the buzzwords and the conversational markers designed to show that we know things. If we do this, we can hope to engage others. If we don't, we can't.

One of the most frequent triggers we all come across is the feeling that we haven't been treated fairly. Again, Helgesen is prepared to question some aspects of received wisdom about fairness.

For example, she argues that confrontation isn't always the best way to deal with discrimination. If it leads the person confronting it into constant conflict with authority, it can damage their career progress. And since the most likely way organizations will change is to have senior people with experience of discrimination, constant conflict may be counterproductive in bringing about systemic change.

So, what actions can we all take to make workplaces more inclusive? That's what Part Two of the book is all about.

First, we all need to practice inclusive behavior daily, and across every aspect of our working lives. This is the only way that organizational cultures will shift. Helgesen is adamant that inclusion should be a basic management skill, rather than a handy tool for raising awareness. Perhaps surprisingly, she's skeptical of unconscious-bias training, feeling that it achieves little and fosters defensiveness. It can even cause more trigger events.

But above all, this kind of training encourages talking and reflection, not action. And only action can produce change. What kind of action?

It can start with something as simple as listening properly. We can demonstrate that we've listened by citing and building on what previous speakers have said in a meeting. Explicitly citing another speaker's contribution helps them to feel validated, and remain engaged, although it's important not to overdo it. Good communication is not all about how we respond, and there's a limit to how often people will believe that they've made a really great point.

Leaders should try to speak last, so their views and insights don't have an undue influence on what others wish to say. It's a small thing, but it can encourage people to get involved who might not otherwise – as can committing to involve people across all levels of the organization in key decision making.

That sounds simple in theory, but, in practice, it can be complex and difficult. That's why we need to enlist support. Helgesen advocates a practice she calls "informal enlistment." It simply involves asking co-workers to give you feedback on things you do. A presentation, say, or your input to a project. It not only allows you to gain valuable insights, but opens a conversation about your work. That can make it easier to have more-complex conversations later – and keep them honest. It also shows that you're prepared to move out of your comfort zone, and invite others to do likewise.

In the final chapter of the book, Helgesen examines the nature of power and how it functions in the workplace. She finds that, at its best, power is collaborative and democratic. There are four kinds.

The power of position is the most traditional kind. It's the power associated with being, say, the CEO. It's also extrinsic to the individual who wields it. CEOs come and go, but the power of the office remains.

The power of expertise comes from the skills and knowledge you have. It's intrinsic to the individual, unlike positional power, and can also be shared.

The power of connections comes from the personal relationships you build, within your organization and outside.

Finally, the power of personal authority comes from your ability to inspire trust and respect among your co-workers. It's always intrinsic, and always tied to personal characteristics like integrity and honesty.

Unsurprisingly, Helgesen places more store in the latter three forms of power than positional power. She defines power as the potential to influence. By developing this power as individuals, we can also shape organizational culture.

How? By using language founded on the words "we" and "us," not "they." By asking people what they think they're good at, and really listening to the answer. And by helping others develop their connections, skills and authority.

That's how truly inclusive organizations develop. When everyone feels a sense of ownership, of we and us; when they're valued for their potential, as well as for what they do right now; and when their importance is not tied directly to their job titles.

So, does "Rising Together" deliver on its promise to chart the way toward a more inclusive workplace? Pretty much. It's rich in anecdotes and case studies from real organizations – even if those organizations are tactfully disguised. It's also prepared to call into question some ideas that have become buzzwords in business theory. Authenticity and by-the-numbers unconscious-bias training are just two of these.

On the downside, it does rely heavily on the work of just a few business thinkers, of whom one Marshall Goldsmith is a former co-author of Helgesen's. That needn't be a problem, but it does leave a feeling that the book may have drawn from a relatively small pool of ideas.

There's also the occasional moment where the suspicion of people who insist on authenticity raises some risky ideas. At one point the book appears to endorse the idea of "fake it 'til you make it," for example. Read that section with caution.

But overall, this is a valuable successor to "How Women Rise." It's pragmatic, practical and clear, and offers hope for the future development of real workplace inclusivity.

"Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace" by Sally Helgesen is published by Hachette Go.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.