How Can I Manage Passive-Aggressive Team Members?

Transcript

[Presenter] Have you ever heard things like, "It's fine," or, "I was only joking," or "No offense, but..." These are all examples of passive-aggressive behavior, and they can really get under your skin.

These little taunts may seem harmless at first. But, over time, they can pick away at your self-esteem and make doing your job needlessly difficult.

Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect form of aggression, which is expressed subtly in actions or words. Because of this, it may not always be obvious or easy to pinpoint.

But if allowed to continue, it can seriously impact your team's productivity and morale. Communication breakdowns could delay projects and push back deadlines, while persistent jibes and insults can cause irreversible damage to team trust.

In turn, other team members may feel the need to retaliate. And, before you know it, your team has developed a toxic culture of hostility that's not doing anyone any favors.

So it's vital that you tackle passive-aggressive behavior in a constructive and positive way. Let's look at how you can do this.

1. Identify the behavior

First, identify the behavior. This isn't always easy because passive-aggressive people tend to voice their discontent in indirect, yet hurtful ways.

Instead of tackling their problems openly and honestly, they may use sarcasm to undermine their coworkers. Or, alternatively, give them the silent treatment.

These kinds of people tend to struggle to take responsibility for their own actions, and instead prefer to play the blame game.

2. Keep calm and watch your language

Next, arrange an in-person meeting with them to alert them to the problem.

Passive-aggressive people are experts at shirking responsibility, so avoid pointing fingers. Keep your body language relaxed, and consider your words carefully.

Avoid using too many "you" statements, as it can come off as accusatory and may trigger your team member's defense mechanisms. Instead, start statements with "I," "We," or, "Our," to explain how their behavior is impacting the rest of the team.

3. Identify the cause

Now, identify what's fueling the person's behavior. Have they been passed over for a promotion? Or do they have an unresolved conflict with another team member?

Passive-aggressive people tend to mask their negative feelings, so much so that they may not even be aware that they're doing it. So if they say something like, "I'm fine," but their actions contradict that, probe deeper.

And watch their body language. Are they avoiding eye contact? Do they keep fidgeting? What could be the reason for this?

It may take a little convincing, but asking questions can help them to uncover the root of their issues.

4. Set clear standards and communicate

Finally, set clear standards and maintain an honest line of communication.

If your team member is reluctant to take responsibility, make it clear what standards you expect of them, and what behavior will and will not be tolerated.

Explain to them, clearly, how their actions impact the rest of the team, as well as the organization. And be sure to keep a record of what's been discussed, and how you expect their behavior to change going forward.

Passive-aggressive behavior is often a cry for help, so do what you can to help them to speak openly and honestly with others. Explain to them how they can communicate and share their opinions in a constructive, rather than negative way.

Let's recap.

Passive-aggressive behavior is when people express negative feelings in an indirect way, rather than openly talking about them. If it goes unaddressed, it can lead to poor team morale and even conflict.

It may be uncomfortable, but tackling passive-aggressive behavior before it gets out of hand is crucial to creating a safe environment for everyone in your team.

To do this, first identify the behavior; stay calm; ask questions; and set clear boundaries. Then you'll be well on your way to establishing a happy and healthy team.