The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

A lot of self-help literature is based on the "personality ethic" – focused on building key skills and a positive mental attitude. While acknowledging the value of this, the author says we must also develop the "character ethic," promoted in earlier literature such as Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. We must live principled-centered lives and achieve inner mastery before trying to influence others.

If this all sounds a little worthy or erudite, don't worry. The author does a great job of bringing these concepts down to earth with amusing, insightful anecdotes from his home and work life that show how following these principles and the seven habits of the book's title can improve family and professional relationships, as well as a company's effectiveness or a business's bottom line.

Indeed, this book is just as much a manual for business leadership and management as it is a guide for self-improvement, which is why it's sold so well.

So who's this book for? Well, it's for anyone who wants to lead a more effective life, at home, in the workplace, in a community organization, in a team, church or social group. That's another reason for the book's popularity, since that must apply to pretty much all of us.

Maybe you're struggling to bring up a teenager, battling to get the best out of a sales team, trying to make a marriage work, or wrestling to get a start-up off the ground. Maybe you're grappling with some of life's big questions like, "Who am I? What's my purpose?"

The goal of this book is to help readers increase their effectiveness in all situations – personal or professional. And if we're to be more effective on the outside, in our dealings with others, we must first become effective on the inside.

The author wrote "The 7 Habits" after studying 200 years of success literature. At the time, he was a leadership and development consultant in the business world, helping firms like IBM develop executives. And he was a husband and father, working at maintaining a healthy marriage and nurturing his children. Many of his successes in dealing with personal and professional challenges – and some of his failures – are recorded in the book.

Today, at 78, he's vice-chairman of the FranklinCovey Company, a leading global professional services firm whose mission is to enable greatness in people and organizations. He lectures at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University, has published a number of other books off the back of the seven habits, and is a much sought-after motivational speaker.

So keep listening to learn how imagining your own funeral can help you lead a more fulfilling life, how effective time management can put an end to constant crisis, and how the right kind of listening can solve your communication problems, even with the most wayward teenager.

The book is divided into four parts, the first focusing on the principles that are the foundation of an effective life, and the remaining three on the seven habits built around these principles.

First, though, if we want to make a significant change in our lives, we must change our "paradigm" – or our way of seeing things. Our perception of people and events is shaped by our past experiences and cultural backgrounds, meaning it could be flawed. Often, we jump to conclusions, assume things about others and ourselves, and behave according to what we think we see.

"Paradigm shifts" move us from one way of seeing the world to another, and create powerful changes in our attitudes, behaviors, and relationships.

Take this example from the author's life. He was on a New York subway one Sunday morning. Everyone was sitting quietly, reading their newspapers or pondering life. Suddenly, a man entered the car with his children. The man sat down and closed his eyes but his children ran wild, shouting, yelling, throwing things and grabbing at passengers? papers. The man did nothing.

The author couldn't believe the man's behavior. Why wasn't he taking responsibility? Eventually, the author spoke up, politely asking the man if he could control his children a little more. The man appeared to emerge from a daydream. "You're right," he said. "I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either."

In that moment, the author's paradigm shifted. His thinking and behavior changed. He went from being irritated, judgmental, and critical to feeling sympathy, compassion, and offering help.

Many of us will have experienced "Aha" moments in our lives, perhaps when we've looked at a problem from a different angle or taken an opposite point of view.

Once we bring our lens in line with natural laws or principles that govern human growth and happiness, principles that are at the core of all enduring, prosperous societies and relationships, we're on the path to greater effectiveness.

The principle of fairness feeds into our concept of equity and justice. Integrity and honesty are the foundation of trust that's essential to good cooperation and interpersonal relationships. Other enduring principles are human dignity, quality or excellence, potential, growth, patience, nurturance and encouragement.

When these principles are internalized into habits, they empower people to create responses to deal with situations in highly effective ways.

These principles are not mysterious or esoteric, the author argues. Nor are they "religious," although they are at the heart of most enduring religions, as well as enduring social philosophies and ethical systems. Having these principles embedded in us is like having a road map for our lives.

So let's look at the seven habits themselves.

First, be proactive. Take the initiative, act rather than react or wait to be acted on, take responsibility.

Secondly, begin with the end in mind. Live your life according to the legacy you'd like to leave.

Next, put first things first. Once you've worked out your life's mission, manage your time and your activities in alignment with it.

Fourthly, think win/win. Seek mutual benefit rather than trying to get ahead at the expense of someone else.

Fifthly, seek first to understand, then to be understood. Genuine listening, with empathy, makes for effective communication.

Next, synergize. Combine all the habits and you'll find a third way, a higher way. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

And finally, sharpen the saw. Take time daily for regular renewal in life's key areas: the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional or social.

The first three habits fall into the category of "private victory." They build our character. They move us from dependence, when we're under the control, or subject to the whims, of others, to independence, when we know who we are, what we believe in and aren't swayed by others? opinions or quick-fix theories.

The last three habits represent our "public victory," when we move to interdependence – an optimum state in which we live effective, fulfilling lives in relationship with others.

So let's take a closer look at a few of these habits.

Picture in your mind's eye a funeral. You walk inside the chapel or funeral parlor, hear the soft music, see and smell the flowers. You see the faces of those gathered there, you share in their grief. You walk closer to the casket and you suddenly come face-to-face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from now.

As you take a seat, you look at the program for the service. There will be four speakers. The first is a member of your family. The second is a friend, someone who can give a sense of you as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. The fourth is from a community organization you've been involved in, a place where you've given service.

What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, parent, child or sibling were you? What kind of friend and colleague? What contributions or achievements would you want them to remember? What difference would you like to have made in their lives?

This exercise, if you can get over its morbid side, is vital to understanding the second habit: beginning with the end in mind. It helps you define your values, the things most important to you. Starting with a clear idea of your

destination makes it easier to make decisions about work, family and so on. You could even write a personal mission statement for your life.

So, now you have a clear idea of where you want to head, it should be a lot easier to manage your time. So let's take a look at the habit of "first things first".

Much has been written on the topic of time management in recent years and you'll find plenty of resources on the MindTools site. Nevertheless, it seems a never-ending battle to make the right choices with time when there are so many demands on it.

The author poses two questions: What one thing could you do (that you aren't doing now) that if you did regularly, would make a huge, positive difference in your personal life? And what one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?

Answers might range from regular physiotherapy exercises to heal an injury, to regular family time, to frequent networking to increase your client base or regular informal chats with members of your sales team.

The fact is, if you're principle-centered and are living with the end in mind, you'll prioritize these tasks over others.

So many of us live in crisis mode, struggling to meet deadlines, either at work or with our families, because we put off vital maintenance or prevention steps, such as planning, relationship building, and exercise until the problem becomes urgent.

To keep crises at bay, try planning on a weekly rather than daily basis. And plan your week in accordance with principles and the long-term goals you've now defined. Have you scheduled essential maintenance, of your body, business, or relationships? Is there time to network or encourage your children?

There are some useful worksheets in this section to help with planning, plus great tips on saying no and delegating effectively.

Finally, let's look at one of the habits in the public victory category: seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Imagine a conversation with a work colleague. She's telling you about her struggles with a teenage child who's refusing to do homework. Before she even finishes speaking, you jump in with, "I know how you feel. A few months ago my 15-year-old did the same thing. Why not offer a financial incentive or a reward for good grades? We had some success with that." And on you go, offering autobiographical comments and giving unsolicited advice.

Sound familiar? We assimilate information through the lens of our own experience, often not giving the other person space to speak. This is not a basis for good communication.

On the other hand, "empathic" listening is. This means listening with intent to understand, to get inside the other person's frame of reference. It gives the other person "psychological air" and helps them feel understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated.

As an example, the author includes an imaginary exchange between a father and son. The son says he wants to quit school, that he's not learning anything and wants to be a motor mechanic.

In the first scenario, the father advises and evaluates throughout. His responses are: "I felt the same when I was your age. Just hang on in there. An auto-mechanic? You've got to be kidding? You need an education." The son feels judged, unheard, lectured at, and wonders why he bothers trying to talk to his Dad at all.

But what if his father tried to really understand and to reflect back to his son what the son was feeling? What if the father were to say, "I hear you're feeling frustrated at school. I hear you feel Joe did the right thing by quitting his education and becoming a mechanic." In this exchange, the son feels heard and validated. He opens up to his Dad and actually comes to his own conclusions about the value of staying in education.

Master this habit and your communication at home and at work will improve. Master all seven, put them into practice on a daily basis, and you're well on the way to leading an effective and fulfilling life.

The author's focus on these enduring principles explains why this book has stood the test of time. Now some of you might argue these principles and habits are simply common sense. Maybe they are, but the book's popularity suggests many people want to be reminded of them.

That said, the book is repetitious in places and isn't as well organized or succinct as some of the more modern self-help and business management books. You might find it heavy going in places and not as easy to use for quick reference as some of its successors.

Nevertheless, the author confidently says he wouldn't change anything in the book, a confidence borne out by its popularity over the years.

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," by Stephen Covey, was first published in 1989 by Simon & Schuster and re-released in 2004 [and 2020].

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.