Emotional Intelligence and IQ

So who should read this mid-nineties' best-seller – now, in 2010, when the business sections of bookstores are full of volumes on how to survive the financial crisis? Does it still have a relevant message?

The answer is certainly yes. Emotional Intelligence has a lot to offer anyone who's interested in the human mind, social relations and emotional health.

Emotional Intelligence will also appeal to people with an interest in marital relations and how to reduce stress in their marriage. Likewise, it will appeal to those involved in raising children or in helping young people reach their potential, and those interested in education and in teenage delinquency. It also offers food for thought for people concerned about health issues, including personality disorders, psychotherapy and trauma.

It's probably clear by now that Emotional Intelligence is a wide-ranging book. At the same time, it's a true page-turner, because readers find themselves identifying with the dilemmas presented by the author. There's something in it for everyone – we've all had arguments and wished we could learn how to turn down the heat in a conflict. We all remember stress at school. We've all been ill and noticed how this has affected our mood. And we all remember things our parents did to discipline us that we swore we would never repeat.

It's only fair to say right now that if you're after a focused discussion on how to become a better manager or leader in the next two weeks, this intelligent, well-informed and well-written book may not be for you. You certainly can become a better manager or leader by reading it and taking on board Goleman's ideas, but these outcomes will likely be indirect, and take time to emerge.

So, keep listening to find out when being rational isn't the best approach; why eager participants in a group can actually lower its overall performance; and whether social isolation or smoking is more risky for your health.

Emotional Intelligence is divided into five sections, which explain and examine the effects of emotional intelligence, as well as how to improve it. The introduction begins with a quotation from Aristotle, emphasizing the difference between getting angry, and applying our rage, so that it's directed and expressed correctly – and that includes expressing it at the right moment and for the right length of time.

Most of us will feel fairly comfortable with the term "emotional intelligence" when we start reading the book, because it's become such a widely accepted concept, adopted into common speech and common sense.

However, for readers who want a definition, emotional intelligence can be loosely described as a combination of self-awareness, self-control and empathy.

The first example of emotional intelligence in practice comes in an anecdote about a bus driver. He managed to put passengers in a cheerful mood by making upbeat observations on a hot and stuffy day in New York. This driver, the author says, used emotional intelligence to become an "urban peacemaker."

It's a telling anecdote. Why? Well, first, because it holds up as an example someone who may not be highly schooled. And second, because it's positive, setting the tone for the book, which is broadly hopeful and uplifting throughout.

The author tells us he's concerned about emotional sickness in contemporary society, manifested in drive-by shootings and post-traumatic stress. He says he hopes the book will be a guide to "making sense of the senselessness."

Part One of the book, called "The Emotional Brain," starts with a chapter titled "What Are Emotions For?" The author takes issue with the term homo sapiens, which means wise or rational man.

He says emotions can be just as important as rational thought, particularly in extreme situations, where danger or loss is involved. Emotions move us to action, and he concludes that we've gone too far in emphasizing the value of the purely rational.

Chapter Two is called "Anatomy of an Emotional Hijacking" and begins with a discussion about the limbic brain and the amygdala – which he calls the "brain's specialist for emotional matters."

This part of the brain triggers strong, and often disturbing, emotional surges, which can be tempered by the left prefrontal lobe. The chapter concludes that emotions are an integral part of human intellect, and that rationality can't really work without emotional intelligence.

Chapter Three, "When Smart is Dumb," tackles the old problem of why IQ generally fails to predict success in life. A high IQ is no guarantee of high earnings or status, happiness in marriage, or productivity. To prove his point, the author looks at an educational project set up by Howard Gardner, a Harvard psychologist famous for his 1983 book Frames of Mind.

In many ways, Gardner is a precursor to Goleman, especially in questioning the importance of IQ. Gardner argues that we have "multiple" intelligences, some to do with spatial ability, movement and music, and others that he calls "interpersonal." These are the ones that most closely correspond to what Goleman means by the term "emotional intelligence."

This second part of the book probes the art of living well. The discussion progresses through different facets of emotional intelligence, from being aware of our feelings as soon as they happen, to social competence and how we manage our relationships.

The title of the fourth chapter is "Know Thyself," and it begins with an anecdote about a Samurai and a Zen master, who teaches that uncontrolled rage is like hell, while calm self-control, humility and gratitude are the equivalent of heaven.

Many topics are explored here, including the reasons why women tend to feel emotions more strongly than men, the power of gut feelings, and what it's like to live with someone who can't express or identify any emotions.

Next, a chapter called "Passion's Slaves" looks at anger, how to calm down, and various negative emotions, such as worry, sadness and depression. It begins with a thought-provoking quotation by Benjamin Franklin: "Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one."

The author quotes scientists, university research and famous case studies, and he also uses his own observations. For example, he talks about seeing a mother become increasingly furious with her child in a supermarket. In this section, he successfully combines scientific data and terminology with ordinary situations that readers will easily identify with.

The next chapter explores "Empathy." Parents and educationalists will particularly enjoy this, as there are lots of examples about babies and small children. The author also looks at child molesters, psychopaths and bullying. He's careful to note that even if there are biological reasons for a lack of empathy, this doesn't mean biology can predict criminality.

The author draws this section to a close with a discussion of the social arts, exploring emotional contagion and body language, as well as social incompetence. All of this prepares readers for the third section, called "Emotional Intelligence Applied", which, for many, will be the strongest part of the book.

Here, the discussion turns to the differences between the emotional education of girls and boys, and also considers common problems between married couples.

Many will find this useful. For women, his tips include being sure to criticize a husband's actions, rather than launching into a character assassination. Turning to men, he advises they resist retreating when their wives want to engage about a problem, because often, all men need to do is show that they're listening. They can disagree with their spouse, but not ignore her.

We need to learn to soothe our distressed feelings, the author says, and notice when "emotional hijacking" is taking place. He suggests monitoring our heart rates, first finding the average and – if this rises by more than ten beats a minute during an argument – taking a twenty-minute break. While he may be correct from a scientific point of view, this is an unusually impractical suggestion from him.

Other skills we can learn from this section include "Detoxifying Self-Talk" and "Non-Defensive Listening and Speaking." Finally, the author stresses the importance of practicing positive responses. Without this, we will fall back on the first emotional reactions we learned.

The next chapter is the most relevant to the workplace – which the author observes has changed between nineteen seventy and nineteen ninety, with a decline in autocratic attitudes and an increasing need for emotional intelligence. The chapter starts with a cautionary tale, of a pilot who was so domineering as a boss that his team was too scared to stand up to him. The result was a plane crash.

Like the husband and wife argument, the key is not to make communication too personal. There's a difference between personal criticism and objective feedback about work performance. The author also looks at an example of racial prejudice at a restaurant chain, and suggests ways of countering this without sinking into defensiveness.

In another example, the author explores the effect of emotional intelligence on the success of teams. Looking at studies about children, empathy and social arts, it becomes clear that people who are eager to jump in tend not to be the best team-players. Why? Because in practice, they're often too controlling and dominant, and end up dragging the group back. They're not interested in creating a comfortable amount of give-and-take, so the group can communicate and move forward.

Chapter Eleven, "Mind and Medicine," is about health and how emotional states affect a patient's distress. It's an early example of how theories about alternative forms of intelligence can be applied effectively to healthcare.

The author also looks at the relationship between the immune system and the brain, and the medical value of relationships.

Findings here include the health risks of being alone. Isolation has been shown to double the chance of sickness and death. The sense of being cut off from people and having nobody to speak to if you're upset increases the risk of death by a factor of two, while smoking does so by only one point six.

The fourth part of the book is called "Windows of Opportunity" and starts with the emotional lessons we learn at home. Couples who are good at negotiating their differences are often better at teaching children the interpersonal skills that will prepare them for life.

There's a long discussion about trauma, including mention of Holocaust survivors. The gist is that lessons from the past, as well as from the science of the brain, show that we can always recover and re-learn. Once again, the basic message is one of hope.

This extends to our temperament, as seen in the next chapter. We may be naturally pessimistic, negative, timid, and socially inept, but we can learn new ways of reacting and being.

Part Five, called "Emotional Literacy," shows what can go wrong when people have a deficiency in emotional intelligence – depression, aggression and delinquency in teenagers. It also looks at pioneering ways of teaching emotional intelligence in schools. A number of pages are devoted to depression and its prevention in young people, while another section suggests that eating disorders are linked to poor inner awareness.

Drop-outs, friendship coaching and then a good look at drink and drug use as self-medication makes for a very interesting and earnest discussion, that works as well today as it would have done in the mid-nineties.

The last chapter is about education and is called "Schooling the Emotions." An example is given of a conflict between two boys in a class, mediated successfully by the teacher. The book ends with a plea – to teach life skills to teenagers.

Emotional Intelligence is a book readers will be sorry to put down. While its message is positive, it's not simplistic. It comes as no surprise to learn that the author studied the psychology of consciousness in the nineteen seventies, and comes from a tradition of hopeful change. Nevertheless, this is no hippie manifesto. Rather, it's a serious attempt to find helpful answers to social ills and personal unhappiness.

The snippets of scientific information help structure the book and make a convincing argument. Even though some of this information is hypothesis and hasn't yet been proven, Emotional Intelligence remains respected among scientists and lay people alike. It's a worthwhile read and would be an asset on any reader's bookshelf.

Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, is published by Bantam.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Click here to buy the book from Amazon.