Managing Guilt

Welcome to Mind Tools' Video Learning Series.

Guilt can be a terrible burden to bear. It has the potential to damage your work life and harm your relationships. But guilt can also be a constructive emotion, at times even pushing you to do better in the future.

If you are feeling guilty, it's important to identify if it's healthy or unhealthy guilt. Then you can take the right steps to respond and move on.

Healthy guilt is rational and proportionate. It's telling you that you've done something wrong or failed to meet your own expectations. Perhaps you made a careless comment or got needlessly frustrated with a colleague.

When you feel this way, the first thing to do is acknowledge what you've done and if appropriate, apologize to the people who've been affected by it.

Then you need to make amends, find a way to put the situation right as soon as possible. Feeling guilty can be a sign that you need to change your behavior, whether it was a one off action or something you do frequently take the necessary steps to avoid repeating your mistakes.

Once you've done this, it's crucial that you accept the situation and move on. Put your guilt behind you, apply the lessons you've learned and focus on more productive activities.

However, if you're experiencing unhealthy guilt, your levels of guilt will far outweigh the impact of what happened.

Unlike healthy guilt, unhealthy guilt is irrational and disproportionate. Perhaps you feel bad about getting a promotion when a colleague was passed over or for keeping your job during a period of redundancies.

To combat this, be realistic about what you can control and remember that you're only responsible for your own actions not for what others think or do.

Affirmations or positive self-talk can help you cope with situations where you aren't at fault.

Try repeating the phrase, "I did the best I could with the knowledge I had." It's also important to challenge perfectionism. Are your standards unrealistically high? If so, it's time to think again. Remember nobody's perfect.

And finally, if somebody's putting undue pressure on you or trying to manipulate your behavior, be assertive, stand up for yourself and don't feel guilty for not achieving the impossible.

If you continue to struggle with feelings of guilt find a trusted friend, family member, or coworker to talk to and consider getting advice from a health professional. To learn more about dealing with guilt, see the article that accompanies this video.