How angry are you?
We all get angry. It's a normal emotion. However, some of us handle our anger better than others.
While one person might be a bit unhappy when someone cuts him off in traffic, another is so angry that he shouts and swears, and starts driving aggressively himself.
How can the same event cause such different reactions? And how can you make sure that your reaction is the calm one, instead of the wild one?
So how well do you manage your anger? Use the online test below to find out how well you do.
For each statement, click the button in the column that best describes you. Please answer questions as you actually are (rather than how you think you should be), and don't worry if some questions seem to score in the 'wrong direction'. When you are finished, please click the 'Calculate My Total' button at the bottom of the test.
|18-41||You seem to let your anger control you, which probably causes you all sorts of problems. In turn, this may make you more angry. Fortunately, you can learn how to break this cycle. Read the rest of the article for some great strategies for managing your anger. (Read below to start.)|
|42-66||You're able to manage your anger in some situations and not others. You have a few strategies that work for you, however, you'll benefit from a better understanding of what causes your anger, and what actions you can take to better manage your emotions. (Read below to start.)|
|67-90||Well done! You have a very good understanding of what makes you angry, and you know what to do when you start to feel signs of trouble. You've developed a wide range of anger management strategies, and you can be proud of these. (Read below for more.)|
The goal of anger management is not to eliminate anger completely: that isn't possible, since it's a natural human emotion. Rather, the objective is to control and direct your anger – so that it doesn't control you, or damage an important relationship or situation.
In Anger Management: Channelling Anger into Performance , we discuss Redford Williams' steps for controlling anger. There are three key elements to these:
1. Understanding what causes your anger.
2. Reducing your angry reactions.
3. Controlling your anger when you experience it.
(Questions 1, 8 and 13)
One of the most effective approaches for managing anger is to identify the sources of the anger you experience. Once you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies for dealing with it. When you're in the middle of a bad situation, it's hard to think logically and rationally, so understanding what causes your anger can help you plan how to deal with it.
While you probably won't eliminate anger completely, you can certainly reduce the frequency and scope of your anger. The less angry you are in general, the more control you'll have over your emotions. Since much of our anger can come from frustration and stress, if you work on ways to ease and reduce these causes of frustration and stress, you'll reduce the amount of anger in your life.
Use Problem Solving Skills (Questions 3, 5, and 14)
A great way to reduce stress is to improve your problem solving skills. We sometimes feel that everything we do needs to be correct and turn out well, and this can be frustrating when things don't turn out as they should. Instead of expecting yourself always to be right, commit to doing your best. That way you can be proud of your effort even if the end result isn’t what you want.
Also, accept that when something doesn't work out, the world usually won't end. Sometimes you just need to relax and not let things bother you. We may think that we should have an answer for everything – but the truth is, we don't!
Use Communication Skills (Questions 7, 12, 15, and 18)
You can also reduce anger by improving your communication skills. When you relate well to other people, express your needs, and talk about issues that bother you, you deal with potential anger proactively.
Don't try to communicate when you're still upset. See the next section on controlling your anger for ideas on how to do this.
Release Your Anger (Questions 2, 8, 11, and 16)
You can reduce the likelihood of losing control by releasing the anger that you've built up. When you get rid of angry feelings on a regular basis, you'll feel calmer and more even-tempered, and you'll be more able to deal with the ups and downs of daily life. You can do a variety of things to release your anger, including the following:
Some people believe that they have to hold their anger in to control it. This is not is an effective anger management strategy. Even if you don't show anger to others, that emotion has to go somewhere: it can be stubborn, and it usually doesn't go away on its own.
(Questions 4, 6, 10, and 17)
When you start to feel angry, what do you do? Controlling yourself in a bad situation can be difficult, and your actions will have consequences.
External reactions – like kicking and screaming – don't help. You may feel good for a little while, but later, you'll surely feel foolish and sorry. Also, you may do permanent damage to relationships and your reputation.
When you feel that you can't hold your anger in any longer, here are some great strategies to try:
If your anger is truly out of control, you may want to seek professional support. The effects of uncontrolled anger can be very harmful – to yourself and to those around you. Don't let it get to that point.
It is natural to feel, express, and release anger. However, there are appropriate ways to do so – and that's what anger management is all about.
You can get a strong insight into your anger issues by understanding what makes you angry. From there, you can create a plan to minimize frustration and anger in your life.
When you do get angry, there are many approaches you can try to calm down – including changing your environment, using humor, and practicing relaxation techniques. It's also important to release your anger on a regular basis.
Don't let your anger control you. Instead, face it – and take back control of anger – and of your life!
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