Real Positive Thinking

Mind Tools Newsletter 53 - 25th July 2006 This newsletter is published by Mind Tools Ltd, of 2nd Floor, 145-157 St John Street, London, EC1V 4PY, United Kingdom. To contact us, please email us from this page. You have received this newsletter because you have subscribed to our double opt-in newsletter. To unsubscribe, just click the link at the bottom of the email se sent you. If you are not already a member and you would like to subscribe, please visit http://mindtools.com/subscribe.htm.

Contents: What's New Real Positive Thinking Mind Tools Store Break That Ice! A Final Note

This issue of the newsletter brings you articles on two very different subjects: Positive thinking and ice breakers.

If you are planning an event or training (or know someone who is) then you'll love our article "Break That Ice!" Ice breakers can often be a great, fun and interactive way to start an event. We've always found no end of ideas about what to do in icebreaker sessions, but have seen little advice on what to look out for and what to avoid.

So today's article provides tips and advice as well as example ice breakers. Read it and pass it on, so that upcoming events you're associated with get off to a flying start.

Our first article (on positive thinking) starts with a reality check, and we make no apologizes for that. Positive thinking is all well and good, but unless we are at least a little realistic, it can lead to frustration and disappointment. So yes, our tool for real positive thinking helps you motivate yourself and break down internal barriers; however it also helps you make sure that what you're trying to do is achievable.

As well as today’s newsletter articles, there are two other new articles at the Mind Tools site. These look at managing change (“Using the Change Curve”) and learning (“The Conscious Competence Ladder”). Check these out in our What’s New section.

Enjoy the articles!

James & Kellie

To find out about new tools on the Mind Tools site the moment they’re uploaded, click here to subscribe to the Mind Tools RSS feed (you'll need an RSS newsreader installed), or here to find out more about RSS.

New tools on the Mind Tools site

• 22nd Jul 2006 - Using the Change Curve - Accelerating change, and improving its likelihood of success.
• 18th Jul 2006 - Ice Breakers - Getting everyone to contribute at the start of an important event.
• 14th Jul 2006 - Using the Conscious Competence Ladder - Making learning a happier experience.

Find out about new tools on the Mind Tools site the moment they’re uploaded! Click here to subscribe to the Mind Tools RSS feed (you'll need an RSS newsreader installed), or here to find out more about RSS.

Article Series and New Tool
Real Positive Thinking
By James Manktelow

All too often, positive thinking is advocated as an answer to all life's problems. "Just think positively," the argument goes, "and you'll blast through the barriers in your way."

Yes, and no. And if you've ever tried using positive thinking techniques, you may have found this "no" out to your cost.

Sure, we all have mental barriers that we have to break through. Some of these barriers protected us as children, but hold us back now. Others come from self-doubt, negative self-talk and lack of recognition of our real skills, abilities and experience. And yes, some of these barriers really do stop us achieving the happiness and success we deserve.

However, at a simple level, some things are just not possible. At another level, there are some good opportunities you'll be well-placed to realize, and others that you won't be.

So whether you are a pessimist or an eternal optimist (and naturally a positive thinker) I prescribe a good dose of reality checking alongside your positive thinking. So that we can perform and achieve well, positive thinking must be accompanied by actions such as planning, preparation and practice.

Here we look at some steps that help you act positively, by taking positive actions as well as thinking positively too. Firstly we look at "Thought Awareness," a technique you can use to understand your fears and negative thoughts. We then look at rational thinking and positive thinking as ways of countering the negative thoughts you have identified.

Thought Awareness

You are thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself excessively for errors, doubt your abilities or expect failure. Negative thinking can damage confidence, harm performance and paralyze mental skills.

Unfortunately, negative thoughts have a tendency to flit into our consciousness, do their damage and then flit back out again, with their significance having barely been noticed. Since we barely notice these negative thoughts, we do not challenge them properly, which means they can be completely incorrect and wrong. This does not stop them doing damage.

Thought awareness is the process by which you observe your thoughts and become aware of what is going through your head.

To use the technique, observe your "stream of consciousness" as you think about what you are trying to achieve. Do not suppress any thoughts. Instead, just let them run their course while you make note of them.

As you notice negative thoughts, write them down and then let them go.

Here are some of the typical negative thoughts you might experience when preparing to give a major presentation:

• Fear about the quality of your performance or of problems that may interfere with it;
  
• Worry about how the audience or the press may react to you;
  
• Worries about how you appear to others, for example, important people;
  
• Dwelling on the negative consequences of a poor performance;
  
• Self-criticism over less than perfect rehearsal and practice, or
  
• Feelings of inadequacy.

Thought awareness is the first step in the process of eliminating negative thoughts: You cannot counter thoughts that you do not know you think.

Rational Thinking (for Positive Planning)

The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you wrote down using the Thought Awareness technique.

Look at every thought you wrote down and challenge it rationally. Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable. What evidence is there for and against the thought? Would your friends or mentors agree with the thought or disagree with it?

Looking at some of the examples, the following challenges could be made to these common negative thoughts:

• Quality of performance: Have you trained yourself as well as you reasonably should have? Have you gathered the information you need and prepared properly for the event? Have you conducted a reasonable number of rehearsals? If so, you've done as much as you can to give a good performance.
  
  
• Problems of distraction and issues outside your control: Have you considered the risks and taken steps to make mitigate these? What will you do if any of these problems occur? And what would you need others to do for you?
  
  
• Worry about other people’s reaction: If you perform the best you can, then you should be completely satisfied. If you give a good performance, fair people are likely to respond well. If people are not fair, then this is something outside your control, and the best thing to do is to ignore and rise above any unfair comments.
  
  
• Problems during practice: If some of your practice was less than perfect, then remind yourself that the purpose of practice is to identify problems so that they will not be repeated during the performance. Similarly, ask yourself whether it is reasonable to expect perfect performance at all times. All that is important is that you perform well when you need to.

Tip: (In some cases you might rationally conclude that the negative thought is correct - in this case, there's no shame in recognizing this and adjusting your goals appropriately. However, make sure that your negative thoughts are genuinely important in achieving your goals, and that they don't just reflect a lack of training or experience in an area, which you could change with a little effort.)

Now is the time to make sure your positive action plan is in place: Using our example of the presentation, ensure that you complete all the practice and preparation that is required. Make sure you have mentally rehearsed the performance or event, and put in place contingency plans for any problems that could arise.

Positive Thinking

By now, you should already be feeling a more positive: Some of your negative thoughts will be allayed by planning your preparation and contingencies. The final step for Real, Positive Thinking is to prepare rational, positive thoughts and affirmations to counter any remaining negativity.

Drawing on the Thoughts Awareness and Rational Thinking exercises, and your positive planning, now prepare positive affirmations that will help you to build self-confidence and change negative behavior patterns into positive ones. Your affirmations, based on the clear, rational assessment that you made using Rational Thinking, will help undo the damage that negative thinking may have caused you.

Continuing the example above, positive affirmations could be:

• Quality of performance: "I have trained hard for this event. I have prepared well and have rehearsed thoroughly. I am well positioned to give an excellent performance."
  
  
• Problems of distraction and issues outside your control: "I have thought through everything that might reasonably happen and have planned how I can handle all likely contingencies. I am well placed to react flexibly to events."
  
  
• Worry about other people’s reaction: "Fair people will react well to a good performance. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way."
  
  
• Problems during practice: "I have experimented with and learned from my practice. This has put me in a position where I can deliver a great performance. I am going to perform very well, and I'm going to enjoy the event."

In conclusion…

Traditionally, people have advocated positive thinking almost recklessly, as if it is a solution to everything. Positive thinking should be used with common sense: No amount of positive thinking can make everyone an Olympic champion marathon runner (although positive thinking, along with hard training, will certainly help someone with this talent and potential.)

First, decide rationally what you can realistically attain with hard work, then plan the hard work and preparation, and finally use positive thinking to "blast through those barriers" - rationally.

The Mind Tools Store:

• Design Your Life Design the life you want to live. Set the clear, vivid, powerful goals you need to live it to the full. More >>
  
  
• Make Time for Success: Learn 39 essential personal effectiveness techniques that help you bring your workload under control and maximize your productivity, so that you can make the most of the opportunities open to you. More >>
  
  
• The Mind Tools E-book: All of the tools on the Mind Tools website in one convenient, easily-downloadable, easily-printable PDF file. We have excluded advertising to enhance clarity and have formatted sections to be easy to read, print and use. More >>
  
  
• How to Lead: Discover the Leader Within You: Learn the 48 simple but essential skills you need to become a top leader in your industry. More >>
  
  
• Personal Coaching from Career Excellence Professionals: Find career and life direction, bring your job under control, build self-confidence and put yourself on the path to long term success with a Mind Tools coach. Our coaches give you the focused personal coaching you need to make the very most of your career and life. More >>

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New Article
Break That Ice!
Getting everyone to contribute at the start of a successful event

"Ice breakers" can be an effective way of starting a training session or team-building event. As interactive and often fun sessions run before the main proceedings, they help people get to know each other and buy into the purpose of the event.

If an ice breaker session is well-designed and well-facilitated, it can really help get things off to a great start. By getting to know each other and learning about the objectives of the event, people can become more engaged in the proceedings and so contribute more effectively towards a successful outcome.

But have you ever been to an event when the ice breaker session went badly? Just as a great ice breaker session can smooth the way for a great event, so a bad ice breaker session can be a recipe for disaster. A bad ice breaker session is at best simply a waste of time, or worse an embarrassment for everyone involved.

As someone running a session, the secret of a successful ice breaking session is to keep it simple: Design the session with specific objectives in mind and make sure the session is appropriate and comfortable for everyone involved.

This article helps you think through the objectives of your ice breaker session, and then suggests various types of ice breaker you might use. As a facilitator, make sure your ice breakers are remembered for the right reasons – as a great start to a great event!

When to Use Ice Breakers

As the name suggests, an ice breaker session is designed to “break the ice” at an event or meeting. The technique is often used when people who do not usually work together, or may not know each other at all, meet for a specific, common purpose.

Consider using an ice breaker when:

• Participants come from different backgrounds;
  
• People need to bond quickly so as to work towards a common goal;
  
• Your team is newly formed;
  
• The topics you are discussing are new or unfamiliar to many people involved; or
  
• As facilitator you need to get to know participants and have them know you better.

So What’s the "Ice"?

When designing your ice breaker, think about the "ice" that needs to be broken.

If you are bringing together liked-minded people, the "ice" may simply reflect the fact that people have not yet met.

If you are bringing together people of different grades and levels in your organization for an open discussion, the “ice” may come from the difference in status between participants.

If you are bringing together people of different backgrounds, cultures and outlooks for work within your community, then the "ice" may come from people’s perceptions of each other.

You’ll need to handle these differences sensitively. Only focus on what’s important to your event. (Remember, you want to break some ice for your event, not uncover the whole iceberg, or bring about world peace!)

And as you move on to design and facilitate the event, it’s always best to focus on similarities (rather than differences), such as a shared interest in the event’s outcome.

Designing Your Icebreaker

The key to a successful ice breaker is to make sure the ice breaker is specifically focused on meeting your objectives and appropriate to the group of people involved.

Once you have established what the "ice" is, the next step is to clarify the specific objectives for your ice breaker session.

For example, when meeting to solve problems at work, the ice breaker objectives may be:

"To establish a productive working environment for today’s event with good participation from everyone involved, irrespective of their level or job role in the organization."

With clear objectives, you can start to design the session. Ask yourself questions about how you will meet your objectives. For example:

• "How will people become comfortable with contributing?"
  
• "How will you establish a level playing field for people with different levels and jobs?"
  
• "How will you create a common sense of purpose?..."
  
• and so on.

These questions can be used as a check list once you have designed the ice breaker session:

"Will this ice breaker session help people feel comfortable… establish a level playing field… etc"

As a further check, you should also ask yourself how each person is likely to react to the session. Will participants feel comfortable? Will they feel the session is appropriate and worthwhile?

Example Ice Breakers

There are many types of ice breakers, each suited to different types of objectives. To read about popular types of ice breakers and how they can be used, please click this link to the full article at Mind Tools website: Ice Breakers.

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A Final Note From James

With "Real Positive Thinking" and "Ice Breakers", this issue contains two very different but practical tools.

I once saw a cartoon about positive thinking that pretty much sums up my belief in the need for Real Positive Thinking: Standing at the bottom of an ice capped mountain was a happy-looking chap in shorts and sandals; The caption read something like this: “Positive thinking takes you to the top of the highest mountain. (But don’t leave home without your ice pick and oxygen.)”

I’d love to hear your experience and thoughts about it: We have more articles to come on the subject in future newsletters. And there'll be more tools, tips and techniques from us in two weeks’ time.

Until then, here’s wishing you a truly great two weeks!

James

James Manktelow

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