People Skills: Get the Edge, Today!

Mind Tools Newsletter 109 - Sep 16th, 2008 To receive newsletters like this straight to your inbox every two weeks, simply sign up using the form in the right-hand column, or click here.

Contents: NEW: Building People Skills What's New? Empathy At Work A Final Note

What's the top priority in your personal development plan, right now?

Oftentimes, people skills just don’t make it on to the priority list: We’re getting along with other people just fine, aren't we? But did you know that further improving your people skills can make a real difference, and really help smooth your path to success?

It makes perfect sense that when we get along better with other people, we’ll also get along even better in our careers. But don’t just take my word for it!

We asked more than 10,000 Mind Tools readers what personal skills would help the people they work with be more effective. People skills were ranked at the top of the list. What's more, when asked about their own skills, people who had high performance ratings from their bosses reported much better people skills than people with lower performance ratings.

So it's official: People skills are exceptionally important to your success (as well as giving you a harmonious, enjoyable working life). That's why they're the focus of today's newsletter.

Building People Skills - the New Mind Tools Workbook

It's also why we're proud to announce the launch of "Building People Skills", our latest workbook-based self-study training program. If you want to improve these very important skills, this workbook gives you everything you need to do so!

This 65-page workbook guides you through a series of assessments, exercises and skill-building articles: First, it helps you assess your skills and self-awareness, by helping you think about how you deal with other people. Next it helps you build the skills for co-operative communication - from active listening to clear and honest communication of your message. Finally, it focuses on helping you develop your social awareness, and the important skill of understanding others at work.

What's more for 7 days only, the "Building People Skills" workbook is yours for fre*e when you join the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club before midnight PST, on Tuesday, September 23!

"Building People Skills" shows you how to improve your people skills. The Career Excellence Club then helps you go much further - so that you can develop yourself as an authentic, inspiring leader; manage others positively and successfully; and build the many other skills needed to become exceptionally productive, effective and successful in the workplace.

Your first month's Club subscription is just US$1, and you can cancel at any time. There are genuinely no strings attached to this offer: Just give the Club a try, and decide for yourself if you want to stay. And you can keep the workbook even if you decide to leave!

Join now, get Building People Skills as a bonus when you join, and experience the Club for yourself!

What's New?

Continuing our people skills theme this week, today's newsletter article features one of the many key articles from the Building People Skills workbook: Read Empathy At Work in full below, then join us in the Club to get your bonus copy of the Building People Skills Workbook.

As well as this, on the Mind Tools site, you'll find an informative article on Supply & Demand Curves. If you haven't come across these before, you'll find it very illuminating! And our "Featured Favorite" this week looks at Michael Porter's Five Forces model, which is a wonderful tool for finding out where the balance of power lies in business relationships.

Have fun with these, and enjoy today's article!

James & Rachel

James Manktelow and Rachel Thompson
MindTools.com
Mind Tools – Essential skills for an excellent career!

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Editor's Choice Article:

Empathy at Work

Developing Skills to Understand Other People

"Tom is a great accountant, but his 'people' skills hold him back. I can't see how he'll ever be promoted unless he does something about it."

Many of us know people who have reached a certain point in their careers because they have excellent technical skills – but somehow they don't get along with other team members, because their people skills lag far behind their other job skills.

This might be due to the insensitive manner in which they ask co-workers for things, the way they never seem to listen to what others say, or their intolerance for other methods of working.

Do you have colleagues like Tom? Or are you, perhaps, like Tom?

Workers with poor people skills can often find themselves in the middle of unnecessary conflict. This can be exhausting and stressful for all concerned, and it can destroy even the best laid work plans.

Many people are confident that they can develop new technical skills and knowledge through training and experience. However, there's a common belief that "you are how you are" when it comes to people skills - or "soft" skills - and that there's little or nothing you can do to change these.

Fortunately, this is far from true. And a great place to start improving soft skills is by developing the ability to empathize with others.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is simply recognizing emotions in others, and being able to "put yourself in another person's shoes" - understanding the other person's perspective and reality.

To be empathic, you have to think beyond yourself and your own concerns. Once you see beyond your own world, you'll realize that there's so much to discover and appreciate!

People who are accused of being egotistical and selfish, or lacking perspective, have often missed the big picture: that they are just single individuals in a world with billions of other people (although, yes, this can be overwhelming if you think about it too long!)

If you've been called any of these things, then remind yourself that the world is full of other people, and you can't escape their influence on your life. It's far better to accept this, and to decide to build relationships and understanding, rather than try to stand alone all of the time.

Using Empathy Effectively

To start using empathy more effectively, consider the following:

1. Put aside your viewpoint, and try to see things from the other person's point of view.
   
   When you do this, you'll realize that other people most likely aren't being evil, unkind, stubborn, or unreasonable - they're probably just reacting to the situation with the knowledge they have.
   
   
2. Validate the other person's perspective.
   
   Once you "see" why others believe what they believe, acknowledge it. Remember: acknowledgement does not always equal agreement. You can accept that people have different opinions from your own, and that they may have good reason to hold those opinions.
   
   
3. Examine your attitude.
   
   Are you more concerned with getting your way, winning, or being right? Or, is your priority to find a solution, build relationships, and accept others? Without an open mind and attitude, you probably won't have enough room for empathy.
   
   
4. Listen.
   
   Listen to the entire message that the other person is trying to communicate.
   
   
   • Listen with your ears - what is he or she saying, and what tone is being used?
     
   • Listen with your eyes - what is the person doing with his or her body while speaking?
     
   • Listen with your instincts -do you sense that the person is holding something important back?
     
   • Listen with your heart - what do you think the other person feels?
     
   
   
5. Ask what the other person would do.
   
   When in doubt, ask the person to explain his or her position. This is probably the simplest, and most direct, way to understand the other person. However, it's probably the least used way to develop empathy.
   
   It's fine if you ask what the other person wants: you don't earn any "bonus points" for figuring it out on your own.
   
   For example, the boss who gives her young team members turkey vouchers for the holidays, when most of them don't even cook, is using her idea of a practical gift - not theirs.

 

Practice these skills when you interact with people. You'll likely appear much more caring and approachable - simply because you've increased your interest in what others think, feel, and experience. It's a great gift to be willing and able to see the world from a variety of perspectives - and it's a gift that you can use all of the time, in any situation.

Here are some more tips for an empathic conversation:

• Pay attention, physically and mentally, to what's happening.
  
• Listen carefully, and note the key words and phrases that people use.
  
• Respond encouragingly to the central message.
  
• Be flexible - prepare to change direction as the other person's thoughts and feelings also change.
  
• Look for cues that you're on target.

Key Points

Developing an empathic approach is perhaps the most significant effort you can make toward improving your people skills. When you understand others, they'll probably want to understand you - and this is how you can start to build cooperation, collaboration, and teamwork.

This article is just one of many key skill-builder articles in Mind Tools' "Building People Skills" workbook. For 7 days only, Mind Tools is offering the Building People Skills Workbook as a fre*e bonus when you join the Career Excellence Club. Visit http://www.mindtools.com/rs/CXC to find out more about the Club and this bonus offer today!

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A Final Note from James

With the current turmoil in world financial markets, now is a sensible time for all of us to be building and upgrading our career skills, so that we're as valuable as possible to our businesses and employers. A great way to do this is to join the Career Excellence Club, and enjoy "Building People Skills" as a fre*e bonus when you do.

The Club gives you a wealth of career-enhancing training and development for just US$1 for the first month, followed by US$19 or 27 for subsequent months - less than the price of a good business book! What's more, you can cancel at any time and get a refund on your last month's payment if you're not happy. Try the Club for yourself: You'll love it, and you'll give yourself incredible career boost at the same time!

We'll be back in two week's with more new articles from MindTools.com - look out for our communication skills article on Feedback Matrices, and more on motivation with David Sirota's "Three Factor Theory".

Join me again then, and in the meantime, keep working on those people skills!

 

James

James Manktelow
Click here to email
MindTools.com
Mind Tools – Essential skills for an excellent career!

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