Newsletter 25 - 16 June 2005

Listen Up, and Design Your Life! This is the newsletter for www.mindtools.com. You have received this newsletter because you have subscribed to our double opt-in newsletter. This newsletter is published by James Manktelow of Mind Tools Ltd, Hardwick House, Prospect Place, Swindon, SN1 3LJ, United Kingdom. To contact us, please email us from this page.

Contents: In This Issue... Teleclass Launch Design Your Life Effective Listening Imagery Mind Tools Store A Final Note

In this issue of the Mind Tools newsletter we offer the second in our four-part series on Effective Listening. This article looks at different levels of communication, and helps you break down some of the most common listening barriers.

We launch "Design Your Life", the first in a series of powerful teleclass programs. We hope you will find Design Your Life genuinely inspirational, and enjoy the teleclass approach as much as we do.

And we take another look at a multi-purpose mind tool, Imagery. As you will see, Imagery is excellent for combating stress, for relaxation and for mental rehearsal.

Please remember, we encourage our newsletter readers to share the information in these newsletters with others. We also hope you will let us know if there is any topic you would like to see covered, or any applicable service or product you would like to read more about. We remain committed to providing our readers with tools that help you reach new heights of success and to do this, we rely on your feedback.

Best wishes, and enjoy this issue!

James & Kellie

Mind Tools Teleclass Launch!
From James Manktelow

As you know, we are always looking for new ways of bringing you the essential skills you need for an excellent career. As part of this, I’ve recently been getting very excited about the potential offered by teleclasses.

With teleclasses, we can offer you a teleconference-based “lecture theatre” or “classroom”, where you can learn important career skills from world-class experts. And because you can do this in your own quiet space - wherever you are in the world - we think that this gives you a wonderful way of expanding your abilities.

Because the classes come with a combination of speech and written content, you get information in a format that suits you. Written material gives you the precise expression of ideas you need for accuracy, while spoken content and discussion gives the meaning and context which is so important for a full understanding of a subject.

And because the teleclasses are interactive, you can ask for clarification if you don’t understand a point, or you can expand on areas in which you’re particularly interested. (Interaction can be by voice or by email, so you can communicate in a way that suits you.)

In all, we think that teleclasses offer a rich, convenient, condensed and cost-effective way of learning that we hope you find very useful.

In the next article, you’ll read more about the first of our teleclasses, “Design Your Life!” with goal-setting expert and experienced teleclass leader, Rod Moore. We hope you enjoy it, just as we hope you enjoy the ones that follow!

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"Design Your Life"
A New Mind Tools Teleclass Program With Goal Setting Expert, Rod Moore
Session date: 5 July 2005.
Previewed by Kellie Fowler

The new Mind Tools ‘Design Your Life’ teleclass program is a practical and interactive session designed to help people set clear, focused and compelling goals, and to achieve more of their dreams.

Teleclass leader Rod Moore specializes in helping people plan their goals in new, more powerful ways. Going beyond many standard goal-setting approaches, Rod uses language programming techniques to help participants set compelling goals that have the power to motivate deeply. This means that actually achieving the goals can become more automatic.

This is why we've invited Rod to lead this teleclass program - we're highly impressed by his approach and motivational style, and we want to share it with you.

Often in the past, I have set out on my goal-setting with great enthusiasm one day, only to bin the whole thing the next. Learning Rod's approach is helping me set goals I really believe in. Which, I have to say, is hugely motivating and energizing.

Rod tells me that goal setting is like taking up a new sport: You can’t expect to be good at it if you only try it once or twice. You need to learn how to do it right – then keep at it. And Rod is passionate about helping people do just that.

If you participate in this 5 July teleclass, you will hear first-hand from Rod how best to set inspirational life goals. The teleclass learning is consolidated in a 5-part course that follows by email. And Rod will then give you personal email support, helping you set goals with real meaning for you.

Click here to find out more about our ‘Design Your Life’ teleclass program.

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Effective Listening: Listen Up: Remove the Barriers; Hear the Words...
The second in a four-part series on effective listening.
By Kellie Fowler

In the last issue of the Mind Tools newsletter, we discussed something that some might believe to be obvious: That listening well is one of life's great challenges.

We saw how important it is possess and project a true desire to hear the messages that other people are sending us, to listen carefully, and to take the time to clearly reiterate the message before walking away. And we saw the importance of active listening, rather than the combative or passive approaches to listening which lie behind much failed communication.

Sure, this may sound like hard work, but remember that listening, really listening with our whole being, is a skill and one of the most important compliments we can give another human being.

To do this, you should know that there are different levels of communication. Now, you should also know that the different types of interaction or the levels of communication might also contribute to the level of difficulty or misunderstanding, or impede the true hearing of any message.

Three different types or levels of communication are:

1. Facts
2. Thoughts/Beliefs
3. Feelings/Emotions

As listeners, we tend to “tune-in” to the level we think is most important. However, we may have no idea what the speaker thinks is most important, and this can create misperceptions or crossed wires, which yield the most undesirable results.

Sure, the purpose of the conversation and even the relationship you have with the speaker will influence what levels are used for the interaction. Even so, these will still vary. To best understand this, consider the differences in these verbal communications:

• You are lost and ask a gas station attendant for directions.
• Your spouse or loved one is being affectionate and playful.
• Your boss is reprimanding you for a costly mistake you made.
• Your child falls down and is injured and comes running to you hurting and crying for your help.

Considering these, it is easier to see that if you do not hear and address the appropriate elements of the communication, the situation can quickly worsen: A factual response to your child’s pain would seem cold and uncaring. And a belief-oriented response to the gas station attendant would probably be seen as peculiar!

Thus, it is important to consider all that goes into the message you are hearing, as well as the words themselves.

While seemingly elementary, there are quick and easy steps you can take to ensure that you hear the words, factor in the situation and even consider the sender’s motivation and desirable outcome. These include:

• First and foremost, stop talking! It is difficult to listen and speak at the same time.
  
• Put the other person at ease. Give them space and time and "permission" to speak their piece. How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference: Relax, and let them relax as well.
  
• Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them. Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don't understand. Listen to understand them and their words, rather than just for your turn.
  
• Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the TV, close a door, stop returning emails or reading your mail. Give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.
  
• Empathize with the other person. Especially if they are telling you something personal or painful, or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to stand in their shoes, to look at the situation from their point of view.
  
• Be patient. Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply.
  
• Watch your own emotions. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, be extra careful to listen carefully, with attention to the intent and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us.
  
• Be very slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you "win" the argument, you may lose something far more valuable!
  
• Ask lots of questions. Ask the speaker to clarify, to say more, give an example, or explain further. It will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.
  
• STOP TALKING! This is both the first and the last point, because all other tools depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.

Becoming an effective listener is not a lengthy or particularly challenging process. Even poor listening habits can be easily changed and in the final two articles in this four-part series on listening, we provide proven tips and techniques that you can use to become a more effective listener. More in our next issue!

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Tools Reviewed: Imagery
Useful for Relaxation and Mental Rehearsal

These days, stress can seem inevitable and, unfortunately, we are not always able to change the situation to minimize it. When this is the case, Imagery can be a useful tool for relaxing and even for preparing for a performance (it works wonders for pre-presentation jitters).

The principle behind the use of imagery in stress reduction is that you use your imagination to recreate and enjoy a situation that is very relaxing. The more intensely you imagine the situation, the more relaxing the experience will be. This makes imagery a strong and reliable method of stress reduction, especially when combined with physical relaxation methods such as deep breathing.

Use of biofeedback devices helps show its effectiveness: By imagining a pleasant and relaxing scene (which reduces stress) you can objectively see the measured stress in your body reduce. By imagining an unpleasant and stressful situation, you can see the stress in your body increase. This very real effect can be quite alarming when you see it happen the first time!

Imagery in Relaxation
One common use of imagery in relaxation is to sit calmly, close your eyes, and imagine a scene, place or event that you remember as safe, peaceful, restful, beautiful and happy. You can bring all your senses into the image with, for example, sounds of running water and birds, the smell of cut grass, the taste of cool white wine, the warmth of the sun, etc. Use the imagined place as a retreat from stress and pressure.

Scenes can involve complex images such as lying on a beach in a deserted cove. You may “see” cliffs, sea and sand around you, “hear” the waves crashing against rocks, “smell” the salt in the air, and “feel” the warmth of the sun and a gentle breeze on your body. Other images might include looking at a mountain view, swimming in a tropical pool, or whatever you want. You will be able to come up with the most effective images for yourself.

Other uses of imagery in relaxation involve creating mental pictures of stress flowing out of your body, or of stress, distractions and everyday concerns being folded away and locked into a padlocked chest.

Imagery in Preparation and Rehearsal
You can also use imagery in rehearsal before a big event, allowing you to run through the event in your mind. This approach to mental rehearsal allows you to practice in advance for anything unusual that might occur, so that you are prepared and already practiced in handling it.

This is a technique used very commonly by top sports people, who learn good performance habits by repeatedly rehearsing performances in their imagination. When the unusual eventualities they have rehearsed using imagery occur, they have good, pre-prepared, habitual responses to them.

Imagery also allows you to pre-experience achievement of your goals, helping to give you the self-confidence you need to do something well. This is another technique used by successful athletes.

With imagery, you substitute actual experience with scenes from your imagination. Your body reacts to these imagined scenes almost as if they were real, calming you down and letting adrenaline disperse.

This information is, in part, taken from Mind Tools Stress Management Masterclass. Imagery is just one of the important mental relaxation techniques that you learn with this course. Not only does the course show you how to use these techniques, it also explains the sound practical psychology that lies behind them.

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The Mind Tools Store:

• Personal Coaching from Career Excellence Professionals:Find career and life direction, bring your job under control, build self-confidence and put yourself on the path to long term success with a Mind Tools coach. Our coaches give you the focused personal coaching you need to make the very most of your career and life. More >>
  
  
• Make Time for Success!: Make Time for Success teaches the 39 essential time management and personal productivity techniques that help you bring your workload under control and maximize your effectiveness, so that you can make the most of the opportunities open to you. More >>
  
  
• The Mind Tools E-book: All of the articles on the Mind Tools website in one convenient, easily-downloadable, easily-printable PDF file. We have excluded advertising to enhance clarity and have formatted sections to be easy to read, print and use. More >>
  
  
• Mind Tools Relaxation MP3s: Download 15-minutes of intense relaxation in MP3 format with our relaxation MP3s. Put stress behind you, and face the rest of your day with renewed energy and enthusiasm. More >>
  
  
• The Stress Management Masterclass: This e-book shows you how to tackle the deep structural problems that cause stress in your working life. It introduces you to relaxation techniques, shows you how to win control of your job and career, cope with politics and manage stress effectively. More >>

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Note From James

I'm sure you can see from the articles above how excited we are about the launch of the teleclass program. We hope that you find the teleclasses useful and inspirational. And we look forward to bringing world-class teachers and teleclass leaders to you, wherever you are in the world.

In the next newsletter, we'll look at part three of our four-part series on Effective Listening, and hear how you can overcome some of the most important listening hurdles. We’ll also look at how you can correct poor listening habits, and give you tools and techniques for becoming a better listener.

We will review an important Mind Tools Information Skills Tool, showing you how to keep acquired knowledge fresh and alive in your mind.

And we’ll take a look at another article in Mind Tools’ upcoming course “How to Lead: Discover the Leader Within You”. In this article, we help you look into your own mind to find out whether you are truly motivated to lead, or whether self-limiting beliefs are holding you back.

Best wishes, and until next time!

James & Kellie

James & Kellie

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