Mind Tools Newsletter 142 - December 15th, 2009

Feel Great - You're Worth It!

When do you feel best about yourself? When you've achieved something you've been striving towards for ages? When you've solved a tricky problem? Or when you've quietly completed the task in hand, fully and well?

Sadly, however great our accomplishments, we can sometimes lack a sense of fulfillment and happiness. Perhaps we undervalue what we've achieved, and high achievement has become normal and boring. Or perhaps we think that people don't appreciate what we do.

In This Issue

If you have ever had these feelings of self-doubt, you're certainly not alone. That's why, in this newsletter, we're bringing you ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem. Use these tips and techniques, so that next time you wonder "Am I Worth It?", you'll find the answer ("Yes!") and you'll feel just great!

We're featuring two more articles this week: the first looks at the Johari Window, which helps you improve your understanding of yourself and the people around you; and the second helps you navigate the Phases and Processes of Project Management. Enjoy them!

You'll find links to all of our new and featured resources in the What's New sections below, including a summary of the great new tools within the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club, our professional excellence community.

Join us again in two weeks' time as we think about those all-important New Year resolutions. In the meantime, enjoy these articles, and make sure that you feel great this holiday season!

James Manktelow and Rachel Thompson MindTools.com - Essential skills for an excellent career!

What's New?

	Boosting Your Self-Esteem Improving the Way You Feel About Yourself All Readers If you want to be happy and successful, you need to have self-esteem. Learn how to build it and maintain it. All Readers' New Tool
	The Johari Window Creating Better Understanding Between Individuals and Groups All Readers Cautiously disclosing information about yourself can be an effective way of building trust with other people. Understand this powerful technique better with this tool. All Readers' Featured Favorite
	Project Management Phases and Processes Structuring Your Project All Readers You can deliver your projects more effectively by defining project phases and using key project management processes. Find out what these are, and learn how to manage your projects better. All Readers' New Tool
	And What's New in Career Excellence Club?
	The Power of Affirmations Club Members Can you really change the way you think, just by telling yourself that what you want to believe about yourself is true? Our resident coach Sharon Juden believes you can! Find out why, and how to do it. All Members' Coaching Clinic
	Success Profiling Benchmarking Potential Recruits Against Your Top People Club Members Does your recruitment process identify applicants who'll really excel in the job you're advertising? Or do you tend to hire people who are just the "best of a bad lot"? Use this tool to find out. All Members' New Tool
	The Introverted Leader, with Jennifer Kahnweiler Club Members There's a common belief that leaders need to be extroverts, but that doesn't have to be the case. Jennifer Kahnweiler shares her strategies to help introverted leaders build upon their "quiet strength" and lead their teams to better performance and productivity. Premium Members' Expert Interview
	Giving Better Presentations Club Members It's no secret that one of the keys to giving better presentations is "preparation, preparation, preparation." But WHAT does this really involve? HOW should you prepare? Find out here! All Members' Bite-Sized Training™
	Emotional Intelligence in Leadership Learning How to Be More Aware Club Members Relating well with others is vital in today's workplace. But what can you, as a leader, do to improve your ability to do this? Learn how to build your emotional intelligence. All Members' New Tool
	The Power of Collective Wisdom and the Trap of Collective Folly, By Alan Briskin, Sheryl Erickson, John Ott and Tom Callanan Club Members They say that two heads are better than one. But how do you tap into the extraordinary potential of groups? Find out more about this book, which explains just that. Premium Members' Book Insight

Editors' Choice Article
Boosting Your Self-Esteem
Improving the Way You Feel About Yourself

	How do you "grade" yourself?
	©iStockphoto/RBFried

"Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."
- Nathaniel Branden, self-esteem researcher and theorist
Having a strong sense of self-esteem is a key part of feeling happy within ourselves, and of feeling that we're succeeding in things that matter.
Positive self-esteem helps you be yourself, handle adversity, and believe that you'll win through, despite setbacks. It's an inner force that sustains you, and gives you the courage you need to succeed.

Low self-esteem does the opposite. It's connected to self-doubt, and to a general feeling that you're not quite good enough to meet life's challenges. In fact, low self-esteem is used to diagnose many mental disorders, and it can be associated with anxiety, sadness, hostility, loneliness, and a lack of spontaneity.

What Is Self-Esteem?

You're probably familiar with the idea of self-esteem. It's often associated with self-confidence, but self-esteem is more than just confidence - it goes deeper. In fact, some people argue that you can have self-confidence and still have low self-esteem - most notably if you approach life with a "fake it 'til you make it" attitude (in other words, "pretend" until you succeed).

Healthy self-esteem doesn't involve faking anything. And although there's significant debate over the definition of self-esteem, a leading theory is that it's a combination of two factors: competence and worthiness. Nathaniel Branden says the following in his book "The Psychology of Self-Esteem":

"Self-esteem has two interrelated aspects: it entails a sense of personal efficacy and a sense of personal worth. It is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It is the conviction that one is competent to live and worthy of living."

To evaluate your own levels of self-esteem, complete the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (SES). This is a 10-item scale developed by Dr. Morris Rosenberg. Even though it was developed as long ago as 1965, it's still a popular form of measurement used in self-esteem research.

Competence and Worthiness

The competence element of self-esteem deals with how far you believe that you have the skills and abilities you need to succeed in areas that matter to you.

This isn't generalized success. It's specific to areas of your life that are particularly important to you. For example, if you can sing and dance and entertain a crowd like no one else, that won't contribute to positive self-esteem if what you really value is academic success. Likewise, if you rise to the top of your profession, but you're not proud of that profession, it's unlikely that you'll feel a strong sense of self-esteem as a result.

It's this idea of "value" that brings us to the other element of self-esteem: worthiness. This is where you express your overall evaluation of yourself. It's based on your values, and on whether you behave in a way that is consistent with these values. Together, these factors influence whether you believe you're "good enough", and whether you like and respect the person you are.

By combining competence and worthiness, and by looking at how they relate to each other, we get a full and dynamic definition of self-esteem. Just feeling good about yourself isn't self-esteem. There has to be a competence element, so that your behaviors result in positive actions, not destructive ones. Too great a sense of worthiness can lead to conceit, and even narcissism. Healthy self-esteem keeps those things in balance.

Note: Looking at self-esteem this way allows us to see the difference between healthy self-esteem and too much self-esteem, which can lead to aggressive and destructive behavior. Thinking that you're better than others can lead you to become arrogant and worse. And if your level of self-esteem is too far in advance of your abilities, you're setting yourself up for failure, humiliation, frustration and anger. (In fact, some researchers link this with domestic violence.)

Improving Self-Esteem

Now that you know what self-esteem is, you're in a better position to improve yours in a robust and balanced way.

Here are some tips for improving your self-esteem:

• Think about yourself positively: You are the only person who can change your view of yourself. No one else can give you self-esteem - you have to build it by thinking about all of the positive things in your life. Make sure that you get into the habit of positive thinking, and learn how to detect and defeat patterns of self-sabotage. Be your own best cheerleader and supporter!
  
  
• Take pride in your accomplishments: When you do something well, celebrate it. Don't wait for someone else to tell you how wonderful you are: tell yourself!
  
  
• Set goals: The more you achieve, the better you'll feel about yourself. Goal setting is a great technique for targeting, tracking and recognizing success. It helps you to build competence and, from this, build a sense of pride and a feeling of worthiness. Make sure that you embrace goal setting!
  
  
• Be consistent: You improve self-esteem when you act in ways that are consistent with your values. If you find yourself in a compromising or difficult situation, do all that you can to make a decision that is consistent with these values. Achieve your goals with integrity, and don't undermine your self-esteem by cheating, or acting in a dishonest way.
  
  
• Remember that you aren't perfect: Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and that's often OK, just as long as we learn from them. The standards you have to meet are your own: stop worrying about what others think, and focus on the great things about yourself. If you do, your inner confidence will shine through, and more than compensate for any shortcomings you might have.
  
  
• Look after yourself physically: Being active can improve self-esteem. Activities that improve your health help you feel more in control, and give you a sense of satisfaction that carries though to other areas of your life.

Key Points

The way you think is key to your sense of self-esteem. You're the one in control, and you can make a difference. If you like yourself, and believe that you deserve good things in life, you'll have high self-esteem. If you dislike yourself or criticize yourself excessively, you won't.

Having healthy self-esteem is important, because it helps you deal with life's challenges and achieve the things that matter most to you. As such, make a commitment to yourself to value what you do and who you are! .

A Final Note from James

I hope you enjoyed today's article, and that it helps you move towards a strong but well-balanced sense of self-esteem! Self-esteem is vitally important for our personal happiness, and for our persistence when we run into difficulty, so I hope you'll use these tips and techniques whenever you start to doubt yourself.

We'll be back in two weeks time, focusing on New Year resolutions. Join us then, and find out how to ensure that 2010 is an exceptionally successful and fulfilling year.

In the meantime, December is the festive season for many of us around the world. Have a very happy holiday season - from everyone at MindTools.com!

James Manktelow email us Mind Tools Essential Skills for an Excellent Career!

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